Turkey day Dilemma
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26-11-2014, 10:35 AM
Turkey day Dilemma
So my wife's very religious family is coming into town today and this is the first time I have seen them since I came out. They know that I have never liked religion but this is the first time it is clear that I reject their beliefs. They are coming over to our house but the question that I am wrestling with is can I ask them not to pray in my house for the meal? I am really torn about it since my wife is a believer. We never pray before any meal the other 364 days a year (which my wife is cool with) in our home and I really don't know whether I like them doing it in my house like that. I would never think of saying anything in their homes home but this is my house. I want to be respectful to them but I view this a little disrespectful to me. Has anyone else had this experience and what did you do?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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26-11-2014, 11:06 AM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
(26-11-2014 10:35 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  So my wife's very religious family is coming into town today and this is the first time I have seen them since I came out. They know that I have never liked religion but this is the first time it is clear that I reject their beliefs. They are coming over to our house but the question that I am wrestling with is can I ask them not to pray in my house for the meal? I am really torn about it since my wife is a believer. We never pray before any meal the other 364 days a year (which my wife is cool with) in our home and I really don't know whether I like them doing it in my house like that. I would never think of saying anything in their homes home but this is my house. I want to be respectful to them but I view this a little disrespectful to me. Has anyone else had this experience and what did you do?

Let your wife decide - it's her house, too.

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26-11-2014, 11:38 AM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
(26-11-2014 11:06 AM)Chas Wrote:  Let your wife decide - it's her house, too.

I'd say less letting her decide, more talking to her and see if both of you can work something out.


Maybe a compromise. Tell them to pray all they want in a separate room before the actual meal, or they can pray at the table, but you're not going to wait and will start eating before they finish, or something.

Popcorn I put more thought into fiction than theists put into reality.
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26-11-2014, 11:44 AM (This post was last modified: 26-11-2014 11:50 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
Or, quietly and firmly take control. It's your house.

Tell them this year you've decided you are going to go with an old venerable tradition, and you're going to tell them, very briefly before starting dinner, what you're thankful for, (and do so), and then say that anyone who wants to participate can tell the family what they are also. If they want to say they are grateful for their gods, that's their business. This way no one imposes on anyone, and you are not forced to say anything you don't believe. (And start with #1 your wife ... that way she can't get mad Tongue )

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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26-11-2014, 11:53 AM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
(26-11-2014 11:38 AM)CleverUsername Wrote:  or they can pray at the table, but you're not going to wait and will start eating before they finish, or something.

This actually works well. My brother and his wife are born again Christians. My sister in law started off trying to get everyone else to pray, or at the very least bow their heads in silence and very quickly realised that it wasn't going to happen. Everybody just tucked in and continued talking while she said her prayer. Now she says it as quickly as possible, literally in one sentence to make it look like it was uninterrupted. I think it's "Dear Lord bless this food and the hands that made it"

If your in-laws say something along the lines of "Do you mind?" when they hear you tucking into the best parts of the dinner while they are still praying, then just reply "No not at all. You carry on. It means more food for me"
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26-11-2014, 12:00 PM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
(26-11-2014 11:38 AM)CleverUsername Wrote:  or they can pray at the table, but you're not going to wait and will start eating before they finish, or something.

This is what I have been doing, even at their houses. I don't even need to ask the wife, I already know what she will say and may actually be a bit defensive if I even ask about it. I already fear the pawing that is going to happen over the next 4 days.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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26-11-2014, 02:13 PM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
Personally, I don't think it's a big enough deal to create an issue over. If it's important to them to pray, what harm is really done? I would just let them and I would be respectful of their beliefs - which means that I would also wait for them to finish before I started eating. You certainly don't have to bow your head and participate though.

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26-11-2014, 06:46 PM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
While I understand your angst, not a hill worth dying on, imho. Not like her family praying before a meal changes your disbelief one iota. It will only put a damper on the day if her family is asked not to pray.

Atheism to me, is about living in freedom...and that means letting others live in freedom, too.

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26-11-2014, 09:36 PM (This post was last modified: 26-11-2014 09:40 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
Let 'em pray. No skin off your scrotum. ... I like to look around the table to see whio else ain't praying. ... We share a wink and a nod.

#sigh
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27-11-2014, 09:21 AM
RE: Turkey day Dilemma
Would laughing and making sarcastic comments be out of line? Angel

How about offering to lead the prayer and thanking god for all the food even though people are starving all over the world as part of his divine mercy?

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