Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
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29-06-2015, 05:24 PM (This post was last modified: 29-06-2015 05:42 PM by DLJ.)
Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
I was raised in the Mormon Church, though my parents weren't that into it they still had us go. I'm glad that my parents weren't as crazy Mormon as the other parents; they taught us to have an open mind about other religions, especially my Dad. My father was my hero my whole life, not only ny hero but also my best friend. He embraced everyone with open arms and was more of a mormon out of habit than anything; he was raised in it so we would be. Still he had enough doubts to try and raise us more open minded than most Mormons, but it was an impossible task…trying to fit into the Mormon Church meant that you had to have a closed mind. It was the only true church on the face of the earth, or so was drilled into my brain since youth. After a lifetime of full devotion, 3 hours every Sunday people, I began to question the small view that the church had.

At 21 the bombshell that is the book of Abraham being a common Egyptian burial text landed in my lap and I was angry. My whole life I was told by teachers, "If you're good you'll believe, if you don't sin you'll get a 'burning in your bosom' that is god telling you the church was true". I had that happen multiple times throughout my membership. I was a virgin at 21, I never smoked or drank or did anything the church taught not to do and I had the spirit fill me with “knowledge” that Joseph Smith was a prophet and the church was a true church... and yet, here was absolute proof that those profound religious experiences I had were invalid. It meant that my whole life's devotion was meaningless and that my life's trajectory would be forever changed. My social circle would no longer exist; Mormons do not associate with people that leave the church unless they think they can pull them back into the fold. Suddenly I was friendless. Lucky for me by that time my father and mother and sisters were inactive, though they hadn't had a concrete "this is all BS" reason for leaving.

So I decide to devote myself to being a nondenominational Christian... it's too hard to find a regular Christian church after you leave Mormonism... you're so thoroughly indoctrinated that even the slightest snide remark from a pastor about Joseph smith or the Mormon church can turn your stomach, not to mention the Dogma that you grew up learning is completely different from traditional Christian views. No, another church was out, me and Jesus and the bible was all I needed, because I only wanted the truth and I learned the hard way that churches and the men running them didn't care about truth.

Fast forward five years. My father is now a bible beating evangelical. He was always the nonjudgmental, nonreligious type... I don't know how it happened, it was almost overnight, but I know why it happened. My little sister was raped and abused terribly by an ex-boyfriend in high school we didn't find out until almost a decade later. She suffered from PTSD and was going through terrible emotional and mental anguish. My father, of course, took the news the hardest. He had to lean on something for strength and it was the bible, devotional books, and TV evangelical broadcasts.

While he was having his transformation, I was going through my own. Studying the bible with a much less naive eye, I didn't want to be fooled by religion again; I began to notice all of the many inconsistencies in the bible "the holy word of god". But how could that be, god's never wrong and the book is divinely inspired! I never liked the teachings of the old testament, being a Christian we tend to sweep the murderous blood soaked chapters under the rug because JESUS, the son of god saved us from that terrible way of life... except according to Christian Dogma, Jesus is God and the god of the old testament is also the god of the new testament so visa v, JESUS is the god asking people to commit genocide in his name in the Old Testament. I never realized how silly it was for Christians to ignore the first half of the bible until I took a step back. Could you imagine an author writing a book and then halfway through a guy named Ron shows up and tells the readers to ignore everything that happened in the book before his introduction? The Story about Elisha cursing children because they made fun of his bald head and god sending bears to tear apart the children was my last straw… I mean how can any bible apologist explain that away? Spare the rod, scratch that, bear, spoil the child?

My heart told me that the bible couldn't be what it claimed. Instead of listening to my heart (it lies, so I had come to learn) I did research, years of it and just when I found happiness free from the chains of religion's lies, my father has bound himself up so tightly in religion that I doubt I'll ever get him out. He was my best friend and a man of high intellect and now I cannot even talk to the guy without him talking about Jesus. "The finger of god touched me." he says all the time, I'm half tempted to hold up a courtroom doll and ask, "Where did he touch you?" I feel like I'm mourning my father, he is completely unrecognizable. He has put himself into an indoctrinating/brain-washing machine, doing a devotional, reading a few chapters of the bible, and watching an hour of TV evangelical preaching before he goes to work every day... EVERY DAY for the past two years.

When I talked to him about why I left the Mormon church, he listened, believed what I said, and after seeing the proof that I had found, he wrote the church off as untrue... but he wasn't as far down that rabbit hole as he is this one. I'm scared to talk to him about what I have learned about the bible and I’m terrified beyond belief to tell him that I don't believe in Jesus or Adam or Noah. I told him I didn't take all of the bible stories literally to test the water and he about gave birth... He said if God could create the animals he could make them go two by two into a boat. I'm not one to lie, in fact I’m often called too honest, and I'm not somebody who can have a relationship that isn't built on the real me. I'm a daddy's girl and I'm at a loss. I regularly wish that I could go back in time and chose not to explore the possibility that the bible was not the word of god— which is like wishing to be brain washed! I know it's stupid and cowardly, but it would be so much easier.
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29-06-2015, 05:41 PM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
Welcome to TTA.

btw, I'm stealing this:

(29-06-2015 05:24 PM)sounsure Wrote:  ...
hold up a courtroom doll and ask, "Where did he touch you?"
...


Instant classic!

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29-06-2015, 05:55 PM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
Hello and welcome to TTA.
I haven't gone through a deconversion myself, but there are people here who can relate. So sorry about your sister, I hope she's getting the help she needs. Stick around. Hug
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29-06-2015, 08:21 PM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
(29-06-2015 05:41 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Welcome to TTA.

btw, I'm stealing this:

(29-06-2015 05:24 PM)sounsure Wrote:  ...
hold up a courtroom doll and ask, "Where did he touch you?"
...


Instant classic!

Steal away! No one around here can enjoy my rapier wit as it's confused with blasphemy Facepalm
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29-06-2015, 08:26 PM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
Welcome also to TTA forum.

I have never been religious. My family is not religious except for my 87 year old dad. I told him flatly I am an atheist. I am happy for him to believe. It does not affect me.

I am unable to help with your problem, but others here care and may be of use.

Good luck!

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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29-06-2015, 08:53 PM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
(29-06-2015 08:21 PM)sounsure Wrote:  
(29-06-2015 05:41 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Welcome to TTA.

btw, I'm stealing this:

Instant classic!

Steal away! No one around here can enjoy my rapier wit as it's confused with blasphemy Facepalm

"Rapier wit" and "blasphemy" are synonyms at TTA.

Big Grin

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30-06-2015, 08:24 AM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
I can relate.

It's hard to keep quiet, isn't it? Sucks.

My dad is also a literalist - a Southern Baptist deacon. He's a mechanical engineer - I figure he views religion as a system of sorts. I suppose that's how he's able to compartmentalize his scientific knowledge that contradicts Christianity. There's never going to be any convincing him that heaven and hell aren't real, there is no salvation, no Jesus, no god. If I ever come out to my parents, the best I could possibly hope for is that they are understanding - even that's a stretch. More like hopefully I won't be shunned - it will do irreparable damage when it finally comes out.

Since your dad has been reasonable in the past, maybe he'll eventually come around and back off from the super Jesus freak routine. It's his crutch. Hopefully he'll heal these wounds and be able to move on...but I wouldn't hold my breath. The constant reinforcement of belief keeps you from questioning and permeates your entire being. Maybe finding a way to interrupt his routine - vacation, for example, could help. Help him fall off the wagon, so to speak Angel



And welcome to TTA!

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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30-06-2015, 08:56 AM (This post was last modified: 30-06-2015 11:11 AM by Anjele.)
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
It sounds like your family is going through a lot of changes, and has already.

Change is often painful but that doesn't make it bad.

Take a breath, continue on your path and let your father go through what he seems to need to go through. Things may settle down if no one builds a wall too high to climb.

Try to talk with him about other things, if that's possible.

I hope things get better for you and your dad.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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30-06-2015, 11:09 AM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
(30-06-2015 08:56 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Things may settle down if no one builds a wall too high climb.
That is some rock solid advice for almost any situation.Thumbsup
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30-06-2015, 11:12 AM
RE: Turns out the wine was Kool aid...
(30-06-2015 11:09 AM)ohio_drg Wrote:  
(30-06-2015 08:56 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Things may settle down if no one builds a wall too high climb.
That is some rock solid advice for almost any situation.Thumbsup

Too bad I typed too fast and left out the word 'to'. Blush

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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