Understanding Sex and Relationships
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01-03-2018, 05:55 AM
Understanding Sex and Relationships
I have been single for most of my life. It has been almost 10 years since I've been in a relationship, and when I was it was with a sexually insecure and emotionally abusive woman. I don't get many opportunities to meet women my age who are single, and even on the few occasions I do meet someone single I like, I feel shy and insecure. I recently realized that if I had a girlfriend, I really wouldn't know what to do with her. I keep hearing how many women have various "kinky" sexual desires. I'm not a prude by any stretch, but I have my limits; I'm open to almost anything that does not involve anal. I'm concerned that if I do meet a woman and we like each other, we might find that our sexual preferences don't jibe.
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01-03-2018, 06:30 AM (This post was last modified: 01-03-2018 06:33 AM by jennybee.)
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
Not every woman is into kinky sex. I'm not. I like romantic passionate sex and being in a monogamous rship. And romantic, passionate sex can be hot. Just because you had one rship with one woman who was into kinky sex doesn't mean all women are into that (not that there's anything wrong with kinky sex or what each person likes/doesn't like as everyone is different). Some people like kinky some don't. And some people find kinky sex to also be passionate and romantic. To each their own I say.

I've always found cultivating a rship first before sex comes into play helps in feeling sexually comfortable with the other person. I like to have sex when I'm in a rship with a person who is my lover and my best friend. It just makes everything more enjoyable *for me.*

In your situation, I think getting out and meeting women is a good way to start. Wink. Where do you like to go? What do you like to do? Then go and join clubs or activities where you can meet like-minded women. Cultivate a friendship first and then see where things go. If a woman's sexual preference doesn't match yours, move on to a woman who is more sexually compatible for you. But again, don't go into a dating/rship thinking all women are into kinky sex, as many aren't. Go into a dating/rship as a way to continue to get to know someone.
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01-03-2018, 08:05 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
Everybody is different and likes different things. I've only ever been with 2 women, sexually, but they are both so different sexually/mentally/personality wise, that is when I learnt that it's not something to really focus on.

I think people grow up hearing things like "women like this" and "men like this" , as in ALL WOMEN like X and ALL MEN like Y, when we're all individuals and our sexual desires reflect a lot of different things about us all. I will say that as time becomes more "liberal" maybe the group of people wanting to experiment or spice it up a bit will grow larger, but even then there will always be people wanting to just stick to the basics.

The bottom line is, if you get into a relationship with anybody, there is a certain level of comprise in all aspects, and sometimes that includes the bedroom. For example: What you are into might not be what they are into, and vice versa, or you have a high sex drive and they done, again or vice versa, so it's about communicating and working on things together, and seeing what you both like/don't like as a couple.

I know for me, I was the more "experienced" in terms of sex between me and my wife when we met, but I'd only ever been with 1 other person, so our entire time together we've enjoyed ourselves for sure, but also delved into what she likes/doesn't like, and progressed from there.

I'm training for a 10K run, read about it in my blog :
Lost In Pace - A Running Blog
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01-03-2018, 08:12 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
My belief is that the best is to have several relationships (not at the same time!) and learn. It's hard to live with another person. There are always misconceptions. It's absolutely worth it when it works though, or at least it has been for me Smile But y'know, I'd avoid obvious dealbreakers like religion and if she's got extreme political views that you don't share. Otherwise if you fancy each other don't hesitate - just go for it. The worst that can happen is you both get your hearts broken. But in the meantime you can learn a lot, even from a shitty relationship - you've already learned from your first one Smile

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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01-03-2018, 08:20 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 08:12 AM)morondog Wrote:  But in the meantime you can learn a lot, even from a shitty relationship - you've already learned from your first one Smile

THIS.

My first and only other relationship was when I was a Teenager, and I thought I had fallen head over heels in love with her. I didn't really know what love is at that time, so that fact a girl remotely liked me made me go mildy insane, and I was besotted with her.

It turned out she had a lot of growing up to do and also wasn't a very nice person to boot. She too was emotionally abusive and as I was a sexual noob at the time, I was basically pressured into losing my virginity. In the long run that latter part worked in my favour, but looking back I really wish I hadn't have caved and waited.

I was with her about a year or so, and learned a lot about myself, as well as a lot about how I feel about relationships/sex and that sort of thing. I would only really say is trust your gut feelings , and you'll live/learn.

I'm training for a 10K run, read about it in my blog :
Lost In Pace - A Running Blog
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01-03-2018, 08:24 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 06:30 AM)jennybee Wrote:  Not every woman is into kinky sex.

Weeping

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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01-03-2018, 08:25 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 08:24 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(01-03-2018 06:30 AM)jennybee Wrote:  Not every woman is into kinky sex.

Weeping

Here's a tissue Laugh out load
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01-03-2018, 08:28 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 08:24 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(01-03-2018 06:30 AM)jennybee Wrote:  Not every woman is into kinky sex.

Weeping

On a side note, I guess Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex (which I do like) can be classified as kinky by some. But for me, since it's with a boyfriend who I love and trust, I consider that falling under the romantic/passionate category and less to the kinky side. But I think that's the thing-what one person might classify as "kinky" another person might not.
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01-03-2018, 08:30 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 08:25 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-03-2018 08:24 AM)morondog Wrote:  Weeping

Here's a tissue Laugh out load

Why thank you Smile Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn... Ahhhh.



Smokin

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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01-03-2018, 08:53 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 05:55 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I have been single for most of my life. It has been almost 10 years since I've been in a relationship, and when I was it was with a sexually insecure and emotionally abusive woman. I don't get many opportunities to meet women my age who are single, and even on the few occasions I do meet someone single I like, I feel shy and insecure. I recently realized that if I had a girlfriend, I really wouldn't know what to do with her. I keep hearing how many women have various "kinky" sexual desires. I'm not a prude by any stretch, but I have my limits; I'm open to almost anything that does not involve anal. I'm concerned that if I do meet a woman and we like each other, we might find that our sexual preferences don't jibe.

I think it's great that you've figured out that you'd like to be in a relationship. And it's certainly intimidating to wonder whether you're going to be compatible enough with a partner. Which would be worse: avoiding relationships so that you don't have to take that risk, or having some relationships fail? Finding a partner's kind of like quitting smoking, some people do it on the first try, some never manage it, and many have to try a few times before they give up for good.

If you don't meet a lot of single women, that's more of a problem. You might try joining an interest group of some kind, political, arts, sport, or charity. Then you can get to know someone pretty well over time before asking her out.
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