Understanding Sex and Relationships
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01-03-2018, 09:38 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
Having been an absolute slut in my younger years gives me a wider perspective on this.


1. Nothing about sex is " normal". People get off on a wide variety of stimuli. You' ll find yourself shocked from time to time as to what other people like. You might even find yourself like being shocked.


Just try not to go overboard with the amperage...




Big Grin

....

I'm a double atheist. I don't believe in your god or your politician.
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02-03-2018, 06:36 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
I think my biggest problem is just not meeting enough single women. I try to go out and meet people, but where I live almost everyone is married or in a relationship. Sure there are a few here and there, but not even close enough to an adequate dating pool. If I only meet three or four women my age who single in an entire year, the odds of one of them being attractive to me, and at the same time being attracted to me, and practically non-existent. Add to that the fact that I'm trapped in the Bible Belt, where nobody wants to touch you if you're an atheist, and my prospects are pretty bleak.

And I understand that not everyone likes the same thing. My concern is that, with as difficult as it is to find anyone at all, that it's just another layer I have to worry about where things can go wrong.
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02-03-2018, 07:21 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(02-03-2018 06:36 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  Add to that the fact that I'm trapped in the Bible Belt, where nobody wants to touch you if you're an atheist, and my prospects are pretty bleak.

That's exactly the kind of thing which will make you "that special someone" to the right person. You just have to wait for that right person to come along. Keep looking and don't be in a rush.

I didn't meet my present wife until I was in my late thirties, after I had been divorced for seven years. We have been happily married for almost 25 years.

Now I wish I had never tried to compromise with my first wife. I would have been happier had I never married her. The wrong person is worse than no one.
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02-03-2018, 09:03 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 05:55 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I have been single for most of my life. It has been almost 10 years since I've been in a relationship, and when I was it was with a sexually insecure and emotionally abusive woman. I don't get many opportunities to meet women my age who are single, and even on the few occasions I do meet someone single I like, I feel shy and insecure. I recently realized that if I had a girlfriend, I really wouldn't know what to do with her. I keep hearing how many women have various "kinky" sexual desires. I'm not a prude by any stretch, but I have my limits; I'm open to almost anything that does not involve anal. I'm concerned that if I do meet a woman and we like each other, we might find that our sexual preferences don't jibe.

That's always a possibility. Relax and have fun. Find a woman who is willing to work with you.
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02-03-2018, 10:13 AM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2018 10:21 AM by SYZ.)
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
I'd agree with treading gently, initially, with new relationships, and letting them thrive or die naturally over the course of time. You can't really "force" a relationship into a permanent one, or change your character or lifestyle to suit somebody else's physical wants and/or emotional needs.

And an unsuccessful relationship doesn't in any way doom the success of the next one. Or the next.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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02-03-2018, 11:09 AM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(01-03-2018 09:38 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Having been an absolute slut in my younger years gives me a wider perspective on this.


1. Nothing about sex is " normal". People get off on a wide variety of stimuli. You' ll find yourself shocked from time to time as to what other people like. You might even find yourself like being shocked.


Just try not to go overboard with the amperage...


Big Grin

Butt don't be afraid of butt stuff. Confused

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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02-03-2018, 01:25 PM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
I've always found the best strategy is to seek out people you have the best natural "vibe" with, someone with whom you both just seem to compliment each other really well. If the connection is there, and trust is built gradually, and you appreciate and respect each other on a deep level you'll both be better able to explore different sexual things you might not have tried before - if you're each into something the other hasn't been exposed to previously. I think you stand a much better chance of success by building a sex life with someone where a strong trusting personal connection already exists than you do of finding somebody who's completely sexually compatible with you and then hoping they're a suitable personal companion.

Of course it's all easier said than done. And it might not hurt to shoot to have one purely physical encounter first, just to get back in the saddle before "the one" comes along. If your FIRST time back in the race is with someone who means a lot to you, the pressure to perform might be overwhelming - it might get in your head. If you're too worried about failing the odds are greater that you will.
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02-03-2018, 01:28 PM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2018 01:41 PM by Mr. Boston.)
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(02-03-2018 06:36 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I think my biggest problem is just not meeting enough single women. I try to go out and meet people, but where I live almost everyone is married or in a relationship. Sure there are a few here and there, but not even close enough to an adequate dating pool. If I only meet three or four women my age who single in an entire year, the odds of one of them being attractive to me, and at the same time being attracted to me, and practically non-existent. Add to that the fact that I'm trapped in the Bible Belt, where nobody wants to touch you if you're an atheist, and my prospects are pretty bleak.

And I understand that not everyone likes the same thing. My concern is that, with as difficult as it is to find anyone at all, that it's just another layer I have to worry about where things can go wrong.

Take this to the internet - start a Tinder profile. There is someone in your approximate area for whom you are EXACTLY what they're looking for (at least for a physical encounter just for the practice) I can pretty much guarantee it. And don't let the Bible Belt fool you, behind closed doors the more religious ones are usually the biggest freaks.

If you find somebody where you both click on a personal level though - the sex part will get better and better as you discover more about each other. I wouldn't worry so much about that. Be upfront and honest. When it looks like things are heading in that direction don't try to play it cool; allow yourself to be vulnerable and be truthful about the fact that it's been a long time since you've had that kind of intimacy with someone. If she likes you she'll be patient and work with you and you'll figure out what "kind" of sex you both enjoy. As someone else pointed out - you might surprise yourself.
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02-03-2018, 04:01 PM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(02-03-2018 06:36 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I think my biggest problem is just not meeting enough single women. I try to go out and meet people, but where I live almost everyone is married or in a relationship. Sure there are a few here and there, but not even close enough to an adequate dating pool. If I only meet three or four women my age who single in an entire year, the odds of one of them being attractive to me, and at the same time being attracted to me, and practically non-existent. Add to that the fact that I'm trapped in the Bible Belt, where nobody wants to touch you if you're an atheist, and my prospects are pretty bleak.

And I understand that not everyone likes the same thing. My concern is that, with as difficult as it is to find anyone at all, that it's just another layer I have to worry about where things can go wrong.

Once you get as far as sex is going to happen, just ask her whet she likes best.

And yes, join some hobby club or cooking school or recreational activity group to find people you get along with. It means you get to spend time with people, and also have something to talk about right away.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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02-03-2018, 04:09 PM
RE: Understanding Sex and Relationships
(02-03-2018 04:01 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(02-03-2018 06:36 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I think my biggest problem is just not meeting enough single women. I try to go out and meet people, but where I live almost everyone is married or in a relationship. Sure there are a few here and there, but not even close enough to an adequate dating pool. If I only meet three or four women my age who single in an entire year, the odds of one of them being attractive to me, and at the same time being attracted to me, and practically non-existent. Add to that the fact that I'm trapped in the Bible Belt, where nobody wants to touch you if you're an atheist, and my prospects are pretty bleak.

And I understand that not everyone likes the same thing. My concern is that, with as difficult as it is to find anyone at all, that it's just another layer I have to worry about where things can go wrong.

Once you get as far as sex is going to happen, just ask her whet she likes best.

And yes, join some hobby club or cooking school or recreational activity group to find people you get along with. It means you get to spend time with people, and also have something to talk about right away.



Exactly. Do what you like in a public environment, and you will find folks who share your interests.
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