Unorthodox parenting techniques
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23-01-2018, 11:04 PM
Unorthodox parenting techniques
A while back I knew a christian couple who, as a means to discipline their kids for the supposed crime of searching for their Christmas presents, took away any Christmas gifts for their kids that year. Now I would consider this to be emotionally abusive, but I seem to not evaluate these things correctly. What are your thoughts on this?

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

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24-01-2018, 06:42 AM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
Sounds about right for a religious mindset... instill fear of authority and suppress curiosity and investigation. Teach them to obey at all costs.

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25-01-2018, 01:03 AM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
Reprehensible. Angry

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25-01-2018, 06:23 AM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
(23-01-2018 11:04 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  A while back I knew a christian couple who, as a means to discipline their kids for the supposed crime of searching for their Christmas presents, took away any Christmas gifts for their kids that year. Now I would consider this to be emotionally abusive, but I seem to not evaluate these things correctly. What are your thoughts on this?

This is what I'd call a disproportionate response. It's not just a Christian thing although considering that they're taught that "god's" eternal torture response to every "sin" is reasonable doesn't help.

This type of thing teaches kids that either:

1) My parents can be cruel to me even though they say that they love me.

OR

2)If my parents don't follow through with their threat, then I can ignore their threats. Making correcting their behaviour in the future more difficult.

Not good either way. If they've done their parenting right, all it should take is a simple sit down talk that having gifts be a surprise at Christmas is part of the "magic" of Christmas and if they care for their siblings & parents that they won't want to ruin it for them.

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28-01-2018, 04:39 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
Competent authority does not fear being reasonably questioned. Nor does it fear curiosity and independent exploration.

There have been memes in the evangelical community ever since James Dobson's books Dare to Discipline and The Strong-Willed Child, at the very least (early 1970s) that suggest that a child's will is at enmity with god and must be literally broken via "discipline". These books, in the hands of immature or sociopathic parents, readily became child abuse tutorials. I don't think that was Dobson's intent, but I've seen some pretty unsavory products of this notion that the slightest questioning or resistance of any kind must be seen as "rebellion" and crushed accordingly.

Of course it's just another expression of the notion that unquestioning obedience is a Good Thing, taken to its "logical" conclusion. So it's not surprising.
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28-01-2018, 04:44 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
(23-01-2018 11:04 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  A while back I knew a christian couple who, as a means to discipline their kids for the supposed crime of searching for their Christmas presents, took away any Christmas gifts for their kids that year. Now I would consider this to be emotionally abusive, but I seem to not evaluate these things correctly. What are your thoughts on this?

Chances are the toys have been searched for in the past. If the parents stated that if the kids were caught searching for gifts they would receive none, then the infraction was spelled out along with the consequences in advance and the kids decided to do it anyway.

That's how I see it though I would probably have delayed Christmas or scaled back some things...not just taken everything away.

It's important for kids to learn that there are rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Being Christian hasn't a thing to do with it.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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28-01-2018, 04:54 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
(28-01-2018 04:44 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(23-01-2018 11:04 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  A while back I knew a christian couple who, as a means to discipline their kids for the supposed crime of searching for their Christmas presents, took away any Christmas gifts for their kids that year. Now I would consider this to be emotionally abusive, but I seem to not evaluate these things correctly. What are your thoughts on this?

Chances are the toys have been searched for in the past. If the parents stated that if the kids were caught searching for gifts they would receive none, then the infraction was spelled out along with the consequences in advance and the kids decided to do it anyway.

That's how I see it though I would probably have delayed Christmas or scaled back some things...not just taken everything away.

It's important for kids to learn that there are rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Being Christian hasn't a thing to do with it.
Carlo might be in a position to elaborate on how clearly those boundaries were spelled out but this still strikes me as taking the matter way to seriously and responding disproportionately. I agree there should be consequences and if both appropriate and clearly delineated, they should be consistently carried out.

As a parent, I just can't imagine purposely dying on this particular hill. There are so many more important things to teach children than "don't try to peek at your Christmas presents ahead of time". Heck, I might even encourage them to do so, as long as they don't actually open them. It could be part of the fun and the building of anticipation. It could encourage curiosity and inventiveness. I think a parent who feels threatened by something like this, had got their own issues. It's way too controlling rather than guiding.
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28-01-2018, 05:05 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
(28-01-2018 04:54 PM)mordant Wrote:  
(28-01-2018 04:44 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Chances are the toys have been searched for in the past. If the parents stated that if the kids were caught searching for gifts they would receive none, then the infraction was spelled out along with the consequences in advance and the kids decided to do it anyway.

That's how I see it though I would probably have delayed Christmas or scaled back some things...not just taken everything away.

It's important for kids to learn that there are rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Being Christian hasn't a thing to do with it.
Carlo might be in a position to elaborate on how clearly those boundaries were spelled out but this still strikes me as taking the matter way to seriously and responding disproportionately. I agree there should be consequences and if both appropriate and clearly delineated, they should be consistently carried out.

As a parent, I just can't imagine purposely dying on this particular hill. There are so many more important things to teach children than "don't try to peek at your Christmas presents ahead of time". Heck, I might even encourage them to do so, as long as they don't actually open them. It could be part of the fun and the building of anticipation. It could encourage curiosity and inventiveness. I think a parent who feels threatened by something like this, had got their own issues. It's way too controlling rather than guiding.

Mine searched for, and sometimes found, Christmas gifts ahead of time no matter how creative I got...except for a couple years when I had somewhere to hide them other than at home.

I simply don't see setting a rule and enforcing it to be abusive. Unless you are withholding something like food or other necessities. Christmas gifts aren't necessary and are at the discretion of the giver.

Note I said "if", not that they did regarding spelling out the rules.

Regardless, their religion has nothing to do with it. Bringing up that these were Christian parents adds nothing to the conversation.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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28-01-2018, 05:40 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
(28-01-2018 05:05 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(28-01-2018 04:54 PM)mordant Wrote:  Carlo might be in a position to elaborate on how clearly those boundaries were spelled out but this still strikes me as taking the matter way to seriously and responding disproportionately. I agree there should be consequences and if both appropriate and clearly delineated, they should be consistently carried out.

As a parent, I just can't imagine purposely dying on this particular hill. There are so many more important things to teach children than "don't try to peek at your Christmas presents ahead of time". Heck, I might even encourage them to do so, as long as they don't actually open them. It could be part of the fun and the building of anticipation. It could encourage curiosity and inventiveness. I think a parent who feels threatened by something like this, had got their own issues. It's way too controlling rather than guiding.

Mine searched for, and sometimes found, Christmas gifts ahead of time no matter how creative I got...except for a couple years when I had somewhere to hide them other than at home.

I simply don't see setting a rule and enforcing it to be abusive. Unless you are withholding something like food or other necessities. Christmas gifts aren't necessary and are at the discretion of the giver.

Note I said "if", not that they did regarding spelling out the rules.

Regardless, their religion has nothing to do with it. Bringing up that these were Christian parents adds nothing to the conversation.

I got tired of the kids snooping around for their gifts. They learned long ago not to trifle with that shit.

One year I took all the stuff out of boxes and replaced it with other stuff. That super cool playstation 3 box had books inside it.

Sure, after an hour or so...I'd give them the actual stuff.

Once, years ago, again, when the kids were little, I got sooooooo fed up with my older leaving stuff all over his bedroom floor, I took out a staple gun and stapled EVERYTHING to the floor and vacuumed over it.

Just recently I told my younger son that for every minute I spent cleaning his room (he's certainly old enough to do that himself and should know how), he'd have to spend 15 minutes with me watching something educational -- that could add up quickly to him being stuck watching a Ken Burns documentary for DAYS. Now, without fail, he cleans, dusts, vacuums and changes the sheets on his bed without being told to do it.


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And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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08-02-2018, 01:03 PM
RE: Unorthodox parenting techniques
My parents used to pile up everybody's presents under the tree a week or so before Christmas Day, and then have a grand opening ceremony with all the family on the day. I remember trying to guess what was in that big gift-wrapped box for me? But I was such a wuss that I never tried to open my pressies beforehand, other than weighing them and shaking them LOL.

My grandma and my aunty invariably gave me 60ยข and $1 respectively every bloody year, so that was NO surprise thank you very much all the same.
And yes: I am that fucking old. Sadcryface

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