Up shit creek
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27-02-2014, 07:02 AM
Up shit creek
A little over a year ago I started a relationship with this guy. Talented, smart, fun, etc. just one problem, he is immensely jealous. I knew this and I was cautious, but I wanted us to work. I'm also currently going through a divorce from my husband whom I've been separated from for some time. I have the old bank account we shared, but he no longer has access to it.

My boyfriend accuses me of secretly funneling money to my ex. He accuses me of cheating on him with my ex. If I go to the store and take too long he accuses me of meeting other guys. A while ago he knocked me up (I miscarried) and he accused me of cheating on him.

But I love him and I want to make it work. However last night he says we are breaking up because he thinks I have him chlamydia. I didn't, he has a prostate infection. But he says he doesn't care anymore and so out I go.

I don't have a job. I moved to oklahoma so I don't know anyone around here and I'm out of money. I spent all my money (about $6000) paying up the mortgage and the truck because that's what you do when you're with someone. Now that money which was supposed to cover my living expenses for six months is gone and I'm broke and homeless.
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27-02-2014, 07:40 AM
RE: Up shit creek
Oh my! That's an awful position to be in.

The person you describe seems to have insecurity issues.
I'm all for evaluating all sides of an argument but honestly, it sounds like you are better off without him. When 'trust' is missing from a relationship, it rarely works out well.

I'm assuming that given that you've made some love-based life decisions, you didn't make any legal agreement with him. We've all done that kinda thing... taking a risk to demonstrate how committed we are to a relationship.

The key question is... do you want to go back?

If yes, it's going to be hard to convince him that he can trust you and harder to then gain equality in the relationship.

If no, the temporary solution would be a local hostel. Find whatever equivalent of Shelter there is in OK.

They will no doubt have some contact info regarding getting some temp jobs so that you can get some cash.

The slightly longer term solution would be to fall back on friends and family for a while until you work out a longer term strategy regarding where you want to get to in the future.

To put a positive slant on it (speaking as someone who more than once had to start over), this is a great opportunity to start a new life and discover/re-invent yourself.

Not everyone gets a chance of a fresh start... grab it. Hug

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27-02-2014, 07:47 AM
RE: Up shit creek
Get rid of him and fast: Jealousy, accusations, lies are red flag control methods. I am talking about abuse. I know this because I work at a Domestic Violence Shelter for women. I also know you have "no power" in this relationship. Go to a Shelter; start calling today.

Also, that you love a dangerous person says that somewhere your sense of boundaries are out of whack. Likely because somewhere in your early life your sense of self--body and psyche--were violated, not necessarily in a sexual manner.

Please get out of the relationship--fast. It will not get better.

Abuse is only if he hits you--FALSE!

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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27-02-2014, 07:50 AM
RE: Up shit creek
Wow.

First. Hug

Second- survival mode- phone a friend- figure out where you can crash for the time being- don't spend a single penny that you don't have to. Figure out what you can sell on craigslist. Consider the big stuff that is difficult to move.

Job? I hope you are working? If not- fast food, gas stations, grocery, target, anything quick, it will be two weeks till payday and your tummy will be hungry.

Get moving on your feet quick.


Third- this relationship , to me, doesn't sound like its worth fixing. Jealousy, false accusations, walking on eggshells, seriously, say good bye. Put your own well being first. Heart Hug


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-02-2014, 07:52 AM
RE: Up shit creek
It gets more fun!

I'm in school. When I moved I became an out of state student. I've taken out loans. My ONLY option is to finish my degree.
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27-02-2014, 07:53 AM
RE: Up shit creek
Yeah, whatever you do, dont go back to him. It will only reinforce his control over you and that behavior will get worse.

As DLJ said, start a new life, hard as it may seem now, it will get better. (I've been there several times myself also).

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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27-02-2014, 07:56 AM
RE: Up shit creek
(27-02-2014 07:40 AM)DLJ Wrote:  To put a positive slant on it (speaking as someone who more than once had to start over), this is a great opportunity to start a new life and discover/re-invent yourself.

Not everyone gets a chance of a fresh start... grab it. Hug

^^^this

Seriously, it really is the ultimate freedom. Get a deep breath of air and get ready for an adventure.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-02-2014, 07:56 AM
RE: Up shit creek
I believe your student loans can be put on hold in a crises.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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27-02-2014, 07:57 AM
RE: Up shit creek
(27-02-2014 07:52 AM)natachan Wrote:  It gets more fun!

I'm in school. When I moved I became an out of state student. I've taken out loans. My ONLY option is to finish my degree.

Check out what support the university may be able to offer you.
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27-02-2014, 08:13 AM
RE: Up shit creek
Wow this guy saw you coming didn't he.
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this dreadful situation but please, whatever you do, do not take him back, although I think that now you have outlived your usefulness he won't be asking you to.
As Mathilda said, get practical help from the university first and start thinking about living your life without this arsehole.
Believe me, you don't need him.
Good luck.
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