Upcoming changes and anxiety
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02-05-2016, 10:24 PM
Upcoming changes and anxiety
Just posting a little thread here asking for some support. I've been really anxious and depressed lately but I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I think I'm finally going to open up to her about stopping my medication a few months ago. I've been feeling really guilty about lying to her, but I haven't been able to admit that I kinda couldn't keep my shit together in this part of my life. I am really nervous about how she's going to react, but after what's been going on lately I don't think I can take these sorts of risks with my mental health any more.
I'm also planning on putting in my two weeks notice at one of my jobs. I've been pretty miserable there for the last few months so it's going to be nice to have that behind me, but I don't yet have a guaranteed date as to when my other job can give me more hours so there might be a rough couple weeks financially in the near future.
If I was still religious I'd be asking for prayer, but I now know that that's obviously useless. I could still use any support and/or good vibes that you're willing to send my way though. Much love and thank you <3
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02-05-2016, 10:47 PM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
(02-05-2016 10:24 PM)debna27 Wrote:  Just posting a little thread here asking for some support. I've been really anxious and depressed lately but I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I think I'm finally going to open up to her about stopping my medication a few months ago. I've been feeling really guilty about lying to her, but I haven't been able to admit that I kinda couldn't keep my shit together in this part of my life. I am really nervous about how she's going to react, but after what's been going on lately I don't think I can take these sorts of risks with my mental health any more.
I'm also planning on putting in my two weeks notice at one of my jobs. I've been pretty miserable there for the last few months so it's going to be nice to have that behind me, but I don't yet have a guaranteed date as to when my other job can give me more hours so there might be a rough couple weeks financially in the near future.
If I was still religious I'd be asking for prayer, but I now know that that's obviously useless. I could still use any support and/or good vibes that you're willing to send my way though. Much love and thank you <3

I'm sure your therapist will understand what you are going through and do everything to help you. It's hard but once you get over that hurdle and tell her everything you will feel so much better. You can do this! If you wanna chat, I can tell you about my experiences with depression and anxiety, send me a PM.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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03-05-2016, 05:54 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
Yeah, definitely talk to your therapist about the meds. You've gotta talk to the therapist and tell them everything. If you don't mind me asking, why did you stop taking the meds?

Changes and transitions are prone to triggering depression/anxiety episodes. Make sure you mention that as well.

This is a good place to ask for support. There are some really good people here.

Hope, luck and vibes!

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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03-05-2016, 06:11 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
Hi debna Smile

Any decent therapist will react positively and with support whatever you tell them you've done. They are supposed to be there there for you, you're not supposed to be the one who's there for them. Any decent therapist will also work as a team with you to decide what's the best treatment plan for you specifically. They listen to your input, they don't just force you to follow a standardized plan.
I'm sure your therapist is a decent one. Smile So she won't blame you for lying to her, she'll understand what's caused it.
I know from experience that with the disease depression, it's ultimately down to brain-chemistry and even the most severe and resistent cases can be treated and managed very effectively. A skilled psychiatrist can work wonders and have many potent tools at her disposal!
So don't despair! Remember that this is a disease of the brain, an actual, physical disease. So it is not your fault! It's not your fault that you've struggled with managing medication and it is not your fault that you've had a hard time telling your therapist. And it WILL get better!

Hug
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03-05-2016, 06:39 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
It would be good to be honest about what's going on. You therapist shouldn't have a terrible reaction. Chances are they've had other clients who have done the same thing. They probably won't be mad at you and will give you advice.

Hug
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03-05-2016, 06:49 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
Thanks for the support so far, it's much appreciated. Guilt is an emotion that I've always had a hard time processing; growing up in the church, guilt was kind of the default position. We were told all the time that mankind, and therefore each individual man, by extension, was totally depraved and it was only by the grace of God that we could do anything that was not utterly filthy. After I left religion I developed an eating disorder and was often paralyzed by guilt whenever I would do any number of normal human activities (eating certain foods, driving/taking a bus rather than walking, etc). So now, even though I'm past that point in my life, it's still difficult for me to deal with the sense that I've done something wrong, even if I'm doing what I can to fix it. That's something that I should probably bring up today as well.
I initially stopped taking the meds when I lost my insurance coverage (I was in the middle of a complicated move, so there was some lack of awareness/miscommunication as to when my coverage would end, and then open enrollment was over). My therapist is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so I would have to connect with other professionals in order to take care of any medication.
There's also some weird sense that I have of not wanting to take medication to take care of this. A part of me feels like I'll be "stronger" if I can handle it on my own. I know it's not rational, which is why I've decided to make an appointment with someone who can write me a prescription if need be, but it is something that's still there for me. Has anyone else had this feeling?
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03-05-2016, 07:07 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
(03-05-2016 06:49 AM)debna27 Wrote:  There's also some weird sense that I have of not wanting to take medication to take care of this. A part of me feels like I'll be "stronger" if I can handle it on my own. I know it's not rational, which is why I've decided to make an appointment with someone who can write me a prescription if need be, but it is something that's still there for me. Has anyone else had this feeling?

I just wanted to agree that it in no way makes you less strong to deal with this with medication. It's like saying a diabetic is stronger if they handle their disease without medication.
Personally I've struggled with depression and anxiety ever since I was 11 years old, making it 18 years now. I had loads of therapy, with multiple different and excellent therapists, during all those years. For me it took a very long and intense course of ECT and a heavy cocktail of four powerful antidepressants to beat this disease, but now I'm doing really, really well. So I'm a big believer in treating depression with medication, along with therapy. I wouldn't be alive today without the aid of medical treatment. Now I have a happy future to look forward to.
So try to keep reminding yourself that treating disease with medication doesn't make the patient weak. It takes a lot of strength for someone to accept help and continuing battling psychological diseases. You're a very strong girl! Don't give up! No matter how bad it is, this can be helped and you can get better!
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03-05-2016, 07:48 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
Guilt is definitely something to bring up with the therapist. Anger, guilt, shame, etc. are also aspects of depression, not just anxiety, sadness. If it bothers you, by all means talk it out.

As far as religion goes, I'm of the belief that while religion does not cause mental illness, it does affect it and it can shape it and make it worse.

I've experienced insurance screw ups with my meds as well. There is not much to be done except be proactive. Keep track of refills and copays and such. As far as writing prescriptions, a family doctor or PCP can write prescriptions for antidepressants. Go with whoever can get you in quickest. The therapist and/or PCP should be able to recommend a psychiatrist, if you don't have one.

I've experienced the "don't need the meds" feelings. Depending on the drug and dosage some side effects can be pretty annoying. As you noted, wanting to be strong and tough also factors in. The last time I did, I was off mine for three days and ended up missing work when I had an anxiety crash. Not fun.

I've dealt with depression/anxiety since I was a small child. I didn't know there was a problem until I was in my 20's. Basically, I figured I was just weird and dealt with things as best I could. After a series of really bad episodes, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It took another ten years or so to accept it and accept the meds and get into a steady groove.

The therapy and the experience helps as much as the meds. Understand your triggers, understand the way the depression works. Sort things out before they spiral out of control.

It's all a learning process.

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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05-05-2016, 09:30 PM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
Posting an update here just in case anybody's interested.

My appointment went really well overall, in terms of making me feel more secure in myself and less depressed/hopeless about the way that my life is going right now. I've been feeling much better for the past view days. However, I didn't actually tell my therapist that I haven't been taking my medication. I honestly intended to, I had been planning how I was going to say it for several days leading up to the appointment, and then before I knew it our session was over and I didn't get the chance to bring it up (along with all my thoughts on how I felt about going home recently). I am still trying to make an appointment with an MD so that I can talk about it with them; knowing my therapist, I feel like that's what she would recommend.

However, that session definitely made me realize that I'm going to need more support than I can get through therapy alone; I simply can't afford enough time to talk through everything that I need with her. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to get that support? I worry that if I post all my problems here, I'll be asking too much of a community that I haven't really contributed to in the long run.
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06-05-2016, 12:39 AM
RE: Upcoming changes and anxiety
(05-05-2016 09:30 PM)debna27 Wrote:  Posting an update here just in case anybody's interested.

My appointment went really well overall, in terms of making me feel more secure in myself and less depressed/hopeless about the way that my life is going right now. I've been feeling much better for the past view days. However, I didn't actually tell my therapist that I haven't been taking my medication. I honestly intended to, I had been planning how I was going to say it for several days leading up to the appointment, and then before I knew it our session was over and I didn't get the chance to bring it up (along with all my thoughts on how I felt about going home recently). I am still trying to make an appointment with an MD so that I can talk about it with them; knowing my therapist, I feel like that's what she would recommend.

However, that session definitely made me realize that I'm going to need more support than I can get through therapy alone; I simply can't afford enough time to talk through everything that I need with her. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to get that support? I worry that if I post all my problems here, I'll be asking too much of a community that I haven't really contributed to in the long run.

We don't mind helping you out, you haven't been here long but since you have been here you have been very kind and great! If you want more maybe find a group that go through similar issues you could meet up with and talk to, talking to like minded people can really help. Glad you are making progress, it's a bumpy road but once you get to the end it'll all be worth it.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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