Update: came out to my wife.
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03-10-2016, 08:57 AM
Update: came out to my wife.
I posted a while back about being a closeted atheist and my fears about telling my wife... Well, last night the talk happened.

I have to give her so much credit when it finally came out that I don't believe anymore she hugged me and said: "I love you." She was a little heartbroken that I had waited so long to tell her, but I think she understood my reasons. Deaths in her family, the birth of our new daughter, and not wanting to rock the boat while we were getting past the sleep deprivation from the new baby.

There were tears on both sides and she asked for a little clarification.
-Did I mean I'd found another faith? No, it's a lack of faith.
-What does Agnostic mean? I don't know if there is a God, but I don't believe anymore.
-How long? I've been pretty sure since April.
-When did it start? After our miscarriage about two years ago, and no, it wasn't because I was angry with God, it was just kind of a trigger when none of it made sense anymore.

We talked about a lot of things, but she was very sorry that I have been going through this alone and expressed that she wished she had known. The only real thing that she was firm on was that she still wanted to raise the children Christian. For now, it is what it is.

There were more tears this morning before I left for work, and I expect more in the short term. She asked if I minded if she still prays for me, I said no, she can do what she thinks will help. She wants to maybe talk with someone together, perhaps our pastor or something. I said I would. I am trying to be as accommodating as possible, talking with a pastor isn't a big deal.

So hopefully if everything goes as good as last night, we might be at a new normal soon.
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03-10-2016, 09:08 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Very nice. This doesn't surprise me and I think more of these conversations would go this way if people just got the courage to have them. Very happy for you. I feel bad you'll have to go through the motions with a pastor because your wife sounds like a great person, though it still seems like she wants to see if you can be "cured." Baby steps. You'll be able to voice your rational thought here and she may start to really understand, maybe even have her eyes opened a bit.

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03-10-2016, 09:12 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Sounds like it went very well. She loves you unconditionally - whether she thinks you need fixing or not. Thumbsup

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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03-10-2016, 09:49 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Yes, it turned out well with two people who obviously feel that love trumps belief.

Here's to a happy future!

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
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03-10-2016, 10:06 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Good!

Sounds like you and your wife are on a good path.

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And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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03-10-2016, 10:15 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(03-10-2016 09:08 AM)WillHopp Wrote:  Very nice. This doesn't surprise me and I think more of these conversations would go this way if people just got the courage to have them. Very happy for you. I feel bad you'll have to go through the motions with a pastor because your wife sounds like a great person, though it still seems like she wants to see if you can be "cured." Baby steps. You'll be able to voice your rational thought here and she may start to really understand, maybe even have her eyes opened a bit.

Well in her words best I can remember:

"I'd like to talk with someone together... Not that I just want to drag you to church and get Jesus."

It's more I think to counsel our marriage than reconversion. And she even suggested our retired pastor, a man that I actually respect and would have no issues having a conversation with.
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03-10-2016, 10:20 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(03-10-2016 08:57 AM)herrozerro Wrote:  I posted a while back about being a closeted atheist and my fears about telling my wife... Well, last night the talk happened.

I have to give her so much credit when it finally came out that I don't believe anymore she hugged me and said: "I love you." She was a little heartbroken that I had waited so long to tell her, but I think she understood my reasons. Deaths in her family, the birth of our new daughter, and not wanting to rock the boat while we were getting past the sleep deprivation from the new baby.

There were tears on both sides and she asked for a little clarification.
-Did I mean I'd found another faith? No, it's a lack of faith.
-What does Agnostic mean? I don't know if there is a God, but I don't believe anymore.
-How long? I've been pretty sure since April.
-When did it start? After our miscarriage about two years ago, and no, it wasn't because I was angry with God, it was just kind of a trigger when none of it made sense anymore.

We talked about a lot of things, but she was very sorry that I have been going through this alone and expressed that she wished she had known. The only real thing that she was firm on was that she still wanted to raise the children Christian. For now, it is what it is.

There were more tears this morning before I left for work, and I expect more in the short term. She asked if I minded if she still prays for me, I said no, she can do what she thinks will help. She wants to maybe talk with someone together, perhaps our pastor or something. I said I would. I am trying to be as accommodating as possible, talking with a pastor isn't a big deal.

So hopefully if everything goes as good as last night, we might be at a new normal soon.

I'd say you have a keeper there. Thumbsup

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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03-10-2016, 10:20 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
That is great to hear.
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03-10-2016, 10:52 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(03-10-2016 10:20 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(03-10-2016 08:57 AM)herrozerro Wrote:  I posted a while back about being a closeted atheist and my fears about telling my wife... Well, last night the talk happened.

I have to give her so much credit when it finally came out that I don't believe anymore she hugged me and said: "I love you." She was a little heartbroken that I had waited so long to tell her, but I think she understood my reasons. Deaths in her family, the birth of our new daughter, and not wanting to rock the boat while we were getting past the sleep deprivation from the new baby.

There were tears on both sides and she asked for a little clarification.
-Did I mean I'd found another faith? No, it's a lack of faith.
-What does Agnostic mean? I don't know if there is a God, but I don't believe anymore.
-How long? I've been pretty sure since April.
-When did it start? After our miscarriage about two years ago, and no, it wasn't because I was angry with God, it was just kind of a trigger when none of it made sense anymore.

We talked about a lot of things, but she was very sorry that I have been going through this alone and expressed that she wished she had known. The only real thing that she was firm on was that she still wanted to raise the children Christian. For now, it is what it is.

There were more tears this morning before I left for work, and I expect more in the short term. She asked if I minded if she still prays for me, I said no, she can do what she thinks will help. She wants to maybe talk with someone together, perhaps our pastor or something. I said I would. I am trying to be as accommodating as possible, talking with a pastor isn't a big deal.

So hopefully if everything goes as good as last night, we might be at a new normal soon.

I'd say you have a keeper there. Thumbsup
I second this!!
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03-10-2016, 11:24 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
It sounds like both of you are handling this well considering how this could have gone. I'm happy for you.
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