Update: came out to my wife.
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06-10-2016, 10:53 AM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(06-10-2016 07:42 AM)herrozerro Wrote:  
(05-10-2016 04:09 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Great Job. I sorry about the miscarriage thou. But it sounds like your wife is pretty understanding.

I don't know if talking to the Pastor will help matters much thou.

Just stay calm and collected.

Don't be a stranger. It's nice to hear good news like this. For at least me. Give me a little hope with my wife.

Thanks for the condolences.

About the pastor, we had a nice talk about that last night. I made it clear that I'm not going into this expecting to reconvert a few days later. She expressed her fears of not having me in eternity but at the same time made sure she didn't want me lying just to make her happy.

She wanted me to always keep looking, and I promised... and it's true. I am always looking for the truth. Do I think it'll lead me back to her god? No... but as I told her. If god exists, he knows exactly what would change my mind. It's on god, I'm open to the possibility, I just need evidence.

That's the right way to think about it.

Who knows maybe with your with by your side you'll get her to the road of reason.

A question I thought of after you said "She expressed her fears of not having me in eternity." Was If her god would refuse you entry simple because you used reasoning skills to the best of your ability. If a eternity of happiness was promised to her, but not you. And she already feels lose and sadness then would she truly be happy in this after life?

My wife said something simaler. And I asked her "Do you feel I deserve to go to hell, simply for not knowing?" She said "No." And I responded "Then you are already more moral then the god you claim exists."

I can tell she still has trouble comprehending my current position. And I'm trying to get her to be more skeptical. That was a key factor in my de-conversion.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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06-10-2016, 03:02 PM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(06-10-2016 10:53 AM)Commonsensei Wrote:  That's the right way to think about it.

Who knows maybe with your with by your side you'll get her to the road of reason.

A question I thought of after you said "She expressed her fears of not having me in eternity." Was If her god would refuse you entry simple because you used reasoning skills to the best of your ability. If a eternity of happiness was promised to her, but not you. And she already feels lose and sadness then would she truly be happy in this after life?

My wife said something simaler. And I asked her "Do you feel I deserve to go to hell, simply for not knowing?" She said "No." And I responded "Then you are already more moral then the god you claim exists."

I can tell she still has trouble comprehending my current position. And I'm trying to get her to be more skeptical. That was a key factor in my de-conversion.

When we had that conversation, I was so tempted to go with "You won't miss me in heaven. God will wipe the tears and there is no sorrow in heaven." But right now I'm trying to be the least antagonizing as possible. She already has been so understanding that I don't want to be aggressive in any way.

Though your example of being more moral than god really doesn't fly with her, God is perfect in her mind, which means he cannot abide with sin, and through Jesus's we are blameless. So it's not that God is immoral, it's that he is too perfect.
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06-10-2016, 03:04 PM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
(06-10-2016 08:44 AM)Reducetarian Wrote:  One thing that might reassure her is if you present her with your personal statement of ethics and morals, a confirmation of what you believe to be the right way to live and act in society.

This could help counter any fears she may have, or fears that others may suggest to her, about the "slippery slope into hopelessness and nihilism" and reassure her that you intend to raise your children with morals and values too.

You should try to both be on the same page with regard to what standards of behaviour you expect from your children, even if you disagree on why they should behave that way (i.e. because we all should behave this way for the good of society, rather than because god says you should behave this way).

I did something similar, when she asked where my base for my morals was I told her that while I am taking the route of doing the least amount of harm possible (not utilitarianism), it's not like im throwing everything away and coming up with reasons to not lie cheat or steal. I am essentially the same person, I am just doing it like you said because I believe it's right, not because god says so.
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06-10-2016, 05:04 PM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Good luck to you. I hope things work out well.
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06-10-2016, 06:43 PM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
Congrats to you. I am glad she took it well.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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06-10-2016, 07:37 PM
RE: Update: came out to my wife.
I didn't know it was possible for such a wonderful and empathetic response on coming out like that. You are a lucky man.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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