Uses for the Bible
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09-04-2012, 10:40 PM
Uses for the Bible
This Thread is not meant to be serious. This thread is meant to be comical. Well here is my favorite use for it.

Well, I was sitting and eating lunch with my friends. I had my Bible, the Koran, and The Bohquanita.
One of my friends, Jared, had a bag of stale cheese balls. So we decided to crush them, but we had nothing to crush it with. So we decided to use the bible, which led to one person hitting the bag with the bible, another with the Bohquanita(~20 pages), and I with the Koran. We would go in turn smacking the bag of cheese balls. By the time the cheese balls were powder the whole table was laughing hysterically and everyone else in the room staring at us.

Please post your favorite use for the bible, koran, or whatever holy book you have.

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09-04-2012, 11:42 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
Definitely toilet paper although there'd be nothing worse than a paper-cut up yer bottom Ohmy

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10-04-2012, 01:38 AM
RE: Uses for the Bible
Potential bedtime stories for traumatising children.

"So one day, there was this old man, walking and enjoying the scenery around him (imitates hobbling). Suddenly, a bunch of youths came out and started calling him names, "Yer old tortoise, even a snail can crawl faster than you" "Look at that old man's nose, it's so BIG" The old man heard those insults and got really angry (imitates angry old man). He then called upon the heavens, and all of a sudden, two bears came out from the mountains and mauled the rowdy teenagers to death." THE END

The moral of the story is: Respect your elders, or God will kill you with bears. Good night, remember God loves you.

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10-04-2012, 08:44 AM
RE: Uses for the Bible
I was once in a mock argument with my brother & parents. We were all sitting in the living room with my parents sitting together on a couch in the middle of the room & my brother and I on opposite sides of the room. My brother said something that annoyed me, &I threw a bible at him. It hit the ceiling fan above my parents and crash landed in their laps. They made fun of me and mocked me for my "failure", but I think I won that one...
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10-04-2012, 02:07 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
Those pocket sized bible pages make great rolling papers.

srs

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10-04-2012, 02:10 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
(10-04-2012 02:07 PM)germanyt Wrote:  Those pocket sized bible pages make great rolling papers.

srs

The only problem with them is burning the ink ain't to good on your throat. So, I recommend sealing it with toothpaste or some honey. Delightful. Wink
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10-04-2012, 02:11 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
Paper weight, doorstop, skins, toilet paper, beating door to door "are you happy" religious folk with itBeat_stick....

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10-04-2012, 06:37 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
Good backstop for an indoor pellet gun range. Absorbs the impact and you can use the penetration depth as a relative measure of pellet speed. And once they are too full of holes to use anymore, they burn better due to the increase surface area exposed to O2. They make great yule logs.

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10-04-2012, 06:39 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
I am waiting for a theist to have a heart attack from this thread.

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10-04-2012, 06:41 PM
RE: Uses for the Bible
I was given a book of psalms in school years ago. It was perfect for damping my snare drum (placed on the skin to stop the drum from ringing).

"While religions tell us next to nothing useful or true about the universe, they do tell us an enormous amount - perhaps an embarrassing amount - about ourselves, about what we value, fear and lust after." Iain M Banks
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