Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
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22-03-2014, 05:48 PM
Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
I feel beaten down. Please DO NOT tell me how to feel, and (for god sakes) don't push forum etiquette into my face in here. Thank you.

Years ago, I had told her that I had a Bisexual orientation. She argued to me something like this. "It might seem natural to you, but that doesn't mean you need to go do everyone." You can see why I'm ticked about that. I could barely find one matched date. How was I supposed to visit every bed? I've said nothing about who I've actually had yet either.

Five or so years ago, my Dad wanted to drive me to church. I had already been having issues with church for a while. Indeed, I was very ignorant about the context of the bible as a Christian. It's why I thought God was friendly. It's amazing how much awful in the world my mind swept under the rug so God could be the good guy that he wasn't. I hate sitting in audience seats for hours on end. As some of you know, I also have had a problem with the lecturer saying BS about Evolution, other faiths, lgbt, and so on.

Well, my Dad wanted to take me to church. He came in seemingly a little frustrated with something and asked "Are you ready to go yet?" Oopsie poosie, I echoed back his own sounds to him in an answer. I wasn't mad, frustrated or anything of the negative kind at the time, and said "Yes, I'm ready." I slid into the passenger seat and looked over to him and saw a certain anger face he pulls on sometimes. I asked "What's wrong?" He wiggled in his seat and impersonated my answer mockingly, as if to say "Being a bitch! being a bitch!" complete with disgusted sneer. I stepped out, and said "You might as well drive yourself to church then."

He got out, and here we went with his occasional 'punish Lienda' episode. He got out of the car and stormed over to my face to tell me what a bitch I was. He grabbed my right arm and twisted both hands in either direction gently, as if saying "I'd love to break it!Angry" He also has would put his finger right to my face angrily, so that it was just barely scratching me, and he would leave it there while he said all kinds of "you're a worthless bitch" type talk. He again followed me through every doorway of the 24x24 house, like three times before, slamming it into my back. I was apparently the big horrible scum who was going to slam it.

He would go on and on saying ugly things till I would lose some of my control. Last time, my fist flew down into the top of the stove, and the florescent light fell out. I was longing so much that he'd stop hurting my feelings. As I expected, he immediately accused me of being a violent little brute who always bashes things, and looks like a bitch to everyone. My so "sympathetic" Facepalm sister was at the renaissance fair in town. I drove to the 711, and accidently locked myself out. Facepalm

It wasn't very far away, so I walked over and got her spare key. I told her we needed to talk, so when she was free to we went to the Chinese buffet. I told her what happened, and the first thing she gives me is that he's our poor Daddy, it's probably all my fauly and I need to say sorry for my bitchy attitude. Like... eeww... I let it go, and went on stupidly thinking she wouldn't invalidate me like that in the future. I was wrong.

Recently, I was going to turn in some books to the library drop box. Everyone knows the drop box is there. I was halted in the middle of my hasty exit to be told by my Mum "They are closed today." I already knew this, and replied "That doesn't mean I can't turn them in." I was only the tiniest bit annoyed by being stopped to hear silly advice. That's it, really. Just a teenie, tiny bit annoyed. Mum right away had this pursed lip expression, went to the computer desk, and tossed her book down onto it.

I was like Huh" I went over and asked "What's the matter?" She gave me this for simply sounding how she didn't like it to sound. "Day in and day out! 'starts crying' I have to put up with you. (or something like that)"

What I noticed every day in and out? I have been so paranoid day in and out, that when she's minding her own dam business I worry too much and even still ask "Are you upset? Anything on your mind that you'd like to talk about?" Usually, she gives me this Blink look and sais "No, I'm fine." It's kind of a "wtf" or Blink or Huh expression, but it's hard for me to stop asking if she's content. I thought this would end when I moved in with mum. She's been helping me find work, but the openings are slim to zero as usual. Like, what the hell was she talking about?!

I have self-injury disorder, and it bothers me so much that they do this! I was pretty much called a domestic abuser for the sound of my voice. How do I know? They told me! Never mind that I have struggled mildly with language all my life. I barely know grammar and get kicked around for that. I look confused when I'm really not! ....... Weeping.......

As a child, I wanted so often to be able to interact with other kids without being called ugly and stupid. Even with the friendly kids, I was barely able to think of things to say! My physical features didn't show it, but I was different from the majority. Day after year wishing for the impossible. Soon as I became adult, I just dealt with it. Now, I have to face these double standard expectations shoved into my mouth.

1: Super grammar!
2: Don't allow yourself to feel the slightest frustrated or annoyed at anything AT ALL. Feeling like that makes us sound like a MEGA bitch, regardless of intent. (I wish I was exaggerating what I have to do to.)
3: Talk softly, so that you have to repeat yourself over and over. Talking loud enough to be heard is always this instead "BARK BARK BARK! RRAAAAAAARRRRRR! I HATE YOU! Rarrrr!" Context doesn't matter till sound! Quote: "Sound is everything!" nm, that I can't help it sometimes. So picky. (Again, I wish very much I was exaggerating the feedback, but I am not. It's the sound, and nothing more. I have had to BEG apologies just to get heard before.)
4: Parties? Don't.. even.. think about it! (The expectations I will have to rise to might give me another panic attack anyway. Had that before. I was like a rat in a maze, scurrying to fine the way out.)
5: Pick a white girl dialect that doesn't sound dumb to other whites. This includes southern anybody! -.-


look.. basically they are expecting an elite vocal Pro out of me, while knowing I have difficulties with the same skills. I am held back mildly in social skills, grammar, and such. Believe me, typing and talking work differently, but you have to have the same fine.... uhck what is the term.. dialog? I don't know. Well, after Mum gave me drama over a little answer, and I self-injured myself due to the stress, I stupidly texted my sibling how tired I am of things. I told her that people want vocal perfection. She invalidated that straight away and said "No they don't." oh, basically I'm a liar? Seriously? She then continued to once again tell me that their getting so awfully mad about the sound of me speaking... was all my fault, because they are our parents. This is what I recall. The phone screen is now... ehmm.. broken a little bit. Dodgy

She was starting to give me advice or something about how I was supposed to be nicer instead of snippy and bitchy. Need a little kicker to the story? well, here you go. This is the first thing I'm really mad at her about. When we visited her and father, she would repeatedly roll her eyes and sigh rudely at him. She has been this way to him for years. I have yet to hear about her being chewed out over it. He just sits there and takes it. That's so fair, right? He would repeat a story, a piece of advice, or a joke as he does but cannot help. She would display with a sigh or eye roll how tired she is of it. If I acted like that to him and he noticed.. OMFG he would be so far down my neck in a snap! I understand that the way his mind is he just repeats things. I have done this and frustrated people to. I ask them if I did it though, so I can stop that. It's annoying to say the same limited things your brain actually builds up, you know.

I sit there, and I say "ok" or "yeah." That's enough, and he's content. Better than rolling eyes and sighing. oh but wait, she can do that all she likes! She can allow herself to feel that tiny, insignificant, petty little emotion of annoyance and frustration. When I feel like that, you'd think I was going to kill you. I can cry, and I can get super furious and scream or laugh and smile. But these little petty moods that they pick out of everything to say "How dare you treat me like that!" With Dad, I was happy... and then he mocked me inside the car, which hurt deeply.

I was very upset. Since then, online, sister has blasted me in the face with every kind of insult! She was burned my butt up by saying I crutch Aspergers label and use it as an excuse to be socially stupid (pretty much her point, I could swear), I'm a mooch who is too lazy to work a day in her life OUCH! (I've tried and gotten very little help. I've had BS from at least two agencies, and most people would rather judge then be friends, so I don't have the friendship network and info she has), I'm such a big fat bully for sending her a message in Facebook wandering why she's ignoring me for months... .


She went on to basically say "See? Even when I'm quite you're a cunt." BASICALLY! She said some really horrible things that REALLY REALLY HURT! And why!? Because our parents don't understand me?! Weeping
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22-03-2014, 05:49 PM (This post was last modified: 22-03-2014 11:44 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
I'm flat tired of someone else nit picking every little bitty thing, and trying to fix me the ouch way.

'sigh' I wanted to put this into the "personal" forum. Sad
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23-03-2014, 02:00 AM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
Come here you.

[Image: Bear_Hug_by_CommodoreElfman.jpg]

Breathing - it's more art than science.
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23-03-2014, 07:47 AM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
Sending more hugs!

I'm sorry to hear your family is so hard on you. I wish I knew a way to make them stop.


Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!
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23-03-2014, 11:37 AM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
*hugs* Thanks.
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23-03-2014, 11:43 AM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
[Image: hugthepieces_zps1588ced2.jpg]

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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26-03-2014, 05:00 PM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
Thank you for hug, and thank you for putting the thread here. I was a little embarrassed by mis-posting.
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26-03-2014, 05:46 PM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
(26-03-2014 05:00 PM)Lienda Bella Wrote:  Thank you for hug, and thank you for putting the thread here. I was a little embarrassed by mis-posting.

I got your back Lienda! Hope you are having a better day. Smile

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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26-03-2014, 08:20 PM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
Seriously, is this somewhat realistic fiction? I can't believe that any father who actually had the tiniest respect for his children would ever do that.
Are you an adult yet, because you could sue your father for harassment.
Seriously, this sounds like one of those child beater "diary" novel things.
I send you the best wishes.
This literally brought me to tears.Sadcryface

Insulting me will convert me real fast!
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Don't let anyone define who you are.
Me:
Can we define him as he defines himself? Or will he define himself as we define how he defines himself? But, if we do that, will we define him as he defines himself based on our definition of how we see him define himself?
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30-03-2014, 07:04 AM
RE: Vent about my sister hurt my feelings three times in a row. I'm sick of this!
Unfortunately, when a man doesn't know how to handle a situation he will often go in to the fight or flight mode, a state where the thinking processes become non-existent.
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