Venting
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27-03-2013, 09:59 AM
RE: Venting
(27-03-2013 09:49 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  
(27-03-2013 09:11 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  It's definitely not easy. Both me and my husband almost just wanna tell people and get it over with already. We feel it would be wise to wait a little bit until we can figure out how to soften the blow. We realize that, in the eyes of our loved ones, this is a life and death situation. So, with that in mind, we want to spend some time opening their minds to the world before we use the dreaded "A" word. We've been trying to figure out conversations to bring up that will free up their minds a bit. Any advice is much appreciated. Smile

If your family is fundamentalist, there's really nothing you can do to soften the blow. If you try to throw too much out there they will become suspicious and, perhaps, trap you into telling them you're atheists. If that happens, it will only serve to reinforce their suspicion that atheists are sneaky, conniving people. And obviously, not enough "mind opening" will do no good either. As hard as it may sound, I think the best approach you can take is to just sit them down and explain it to them in a calm, rational manner. After that, demonstrate that atheists aren't the malcontents they think we are by living your lives with integrity, honesty and happiness.

In the end, it may cost you your family. But, better your family than your happiness or worse, your sanity.

Hm, That is a very good point. I never thought of it like that. I definitely don't want to lie to them. It's so hard though! I think I need to know more about Josephus and other debates that could potentially come up. I know my in-laws are going bring up Josephus. I need to start reading up!

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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27-03-2013, 10:06 AM
RE: Venting
(27-03-2013 09:11 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(27-03-2013 08:27 AM)Mohit Mago Wrote:  Hope you don't mind me saying this but why is your non belief still a secret and how can you stand going to church after being an atheist?

It's definitely not easy. Both me and my husband almost just wanna tell people and get it over with already. We feel it would be wise to wait a little bit until we can figure out how to soften the blow. We realize that, in the eyes of our loved ones, this is a life and death situation. So, with that in mind, we want to spend some time opening their minds to the world before we use the dreaded "A" word. We've been trying to figure out conversations to bring up that will free up their minds a bit. Any advice is much appreciated. Smile

There is only one way to do these things - just do it. Don't dilly dally don't soften the punches just tell them point blank you are atheists and will not be going to church anymore. That should inspire them to do the same. Even if they don't at least you'll be free of the bs. All they talk about are the most depressing things anyway. There's no fun advice in the bible and the priests then say the most unfun ways of living life in their sermons. I don't see any reason why atheists should have to bear with that. Just tell them. Don't be scared.
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27-03-2013, 10:09 AM
RE: Venting
(27-03-2013 10:06 AM)Mohit Mago Wrote:  
(27-03-2013 09:11 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  It's definitely not easy. Both me and my husband almost just wanna tell people and get it over with already. We feel it would be wise to wait a little bit until we can figure out how to soften the blow. We realize that, in the eyes of our loved ones, this is a life and death situation. So, with that in mind, we want to spend some time opening their minds to the world before we use the dreaded "A" word. We've been trying to figure out conversations to bring up that will free up their minds a bit. Any advice is much appreciated. Smile

There is only one way to do these things - just do it. Don't dilly dally don't soften the punches just tell them point blank you are atheists and will not be going to church anymore. That should inspire them to do the same. Even if they don't at least you'll be free of the bs. All they talk about are the most depressing things anyway. There's no fun advice in the bible and the priests then say the most unfun ways of living life in their sermons. I don't see any reason why atheists should have to bear with that. Just tell them. Don't be scared.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to talk to my hubby tonight about telling our families. Wish us luck!

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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27-03-2013, 10:15 AM
RE: Venting
(27-03-2013 09:59 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(27-03-2013 09:49 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  If your family is fundamentalist, there's really nothing you can do to soften the blow. If you try to throw too much out there they will become suspicious and, perhaps, trap you into telling them you're atheists. If that happens, it will only serve to reinforce their suspicion that atheists are sneaky, conniving people. And obviously, not enough "mind opening" will do no good either. As hard as it may sound, I think the best approach you can take is to just sit them down and explain it to them in a calm, rational manner. After that, demonstrate that atheists aren't the malcontents they think we are by living your lives with integrity, honesty and happiness.

In the end, it may cost you your family. But, better your family than your happiness or worse, your sanity.

Hm, That is a very good point. I never thought of it like that. I definitely don't want to lie to them. It's so hard though! I think I need to know more about Josephus and other debates that could potentially come up. I know my in-laws are going bring up Josephus. I need to start reading up!

I'm glad you said this because this was going to be my advice. The best defense when telling someone you are atheist and know they will be pissed is knowledge. If you have done your research and can defend yourself when they bring up an "argument," there is not a whole lot they can say. Go into it knowing that they are not going to understand or accept it, but in the end you will feel better not living a lie. A family member invited me to church next weekend for Easter and I had to think quick on my feet on how to turn it down and let him know that I would never go to church with him....this is where knowledge kicks in because it quickly turned into a huge debate about religion.

~Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.~
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27-03-2013, 10:38 AM
RE: Venting
Clearly those "atheists" were not true Scotsmen atheists...

Wink

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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