Venting
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04-08-2014, 07:10 PM
Venting
Hey yall, I've been listening to Seth's podcasts for a few months now, though this is my first time posting on the thinking atheist forum. I love your work Seth (if you happen to read this Seth, you're awesome Smile ) I had some things I wanted to get off my chest.

For some background on me, I'm 24 years old guy living in the great state of Alabama (or as dad refers to it, "Alabamer"). Its very much your bible belt state, most everyone believes in Yahweh, though I am starting to see more atheists now days (could just be because I'm exposing myself to more atheists though). I love sweet tea and Alabama football (Roll Tide!). I'm a bit a techie, I love reading up on the newest technology coming out, especially with computers and video games.

Anyway, I'm kind of in a weird transitional phase of my life. I just finished college, started a new job (today actually Big Grin), and am ready to start life as a young responsible adult. I'm trying to have an optimistic about what the future may hold, but there are some things that have me down.

My family are conservative Christians. I do not think they would disown me or talk down to me if I told them I was an atheist now, but it would strain our relationship. I will tell them, but I'm not rushing to do so. I want to settle down a little bit before dropping the A bomb on them. This isn't too big of an issue for me right now.

I guess what I've really be yearning for as of late is meaningful connections with people...I want to make new friends and find a girl who at least accepts me as a non believer Blush.....
....I've had trouble meeting new people since I became an atheist a year and a half ago. I find it very hard to connect to people now days. I just seem to be more on guard around others :\...but to be honest, I've always been a lone wolf. I'm just awkward and shy around most people. Its funny, I always want to be around people...until I am, in which case I'm wanting to get the hell out of there because I feel like I don't belong. Its something I'm working on.

I'm very fortunate that my best friend and I traveled down the same path together from belief to non belief, and that my brother that I'm currently living with now is also a non believer. My friend and I have spent many, many, MANY nights talking about our thoughts on Christianity and religion and how studying things are in the real world and finding real world answers is so much more satisfying than the answers we were submitted to in our churches. My brother, on the other hand, doesn't talk much about faith, but he will send me some funny pictures or scriptures from the Bible that are just plain ridiculous from time to time. I'm thankful that I have at least two people in my life that understand my position, and don't ridicule me for not believing in Yahweh.

However, I have lost loved ones due to my apostasy. I was hanging out with a church college group for a few years while attending the University here. It was a non denominational charismatic church....I remember getting the courage to tell a friend of mine in that group that I didn't believe in hell. He told me I was still a brother to him, a brother in Christ, but I soon found he stopped talking to me. Whether that was due to that conversation or my awkwardness, I'm not sure. I haven't heard from him in about two years.

....What hurt most was losing the woman I thought I was going to marry. To make a long story short, I had met this woman online on a forum. She was 10 years my senior, but we had so much chemistry (I met her when I was 21). She and I would talk about Christianity and the Bible and Jesus. Sometimes these conversations would last hours, well past midnight. I would sometimes miss sleep and have to go into work literally without a wink of sleep, but I didn't mind. I would dare say I loved her....I was saving up money to move out to where she was after I graduated.

We met a few times, and I cherished every time we did. Long distance relationships are hard, but those few times you get to be with the person you love, it makes it worth it.

I began to have doubts about my faith though. The last time we met up, I told her I was beginning to question my faith. I had severe doubts about whether or not God was morale...I presented to her the verse that said if two men are fighting in a field, and if the wife of one of the men grabs her husband's assailant by the balls, you are supposed to chop off her hand and show her no mercy. I asked her, "What if this was you? I would never want this to happen to you.".

She didn't have an answer to that. We didn't say to much else, but things seemed to be okay. She told me she was understanding of my doubts, and that I would find God, even though I doubted. I just kind of went along with her, but the seeds of doubt had already been planted

...Things with south with us pretty quick after that last meeting. She stopped talking to me as much, and soon altogether. Initially it was every few days, then every few weeks...it got to the point where I didn't hear from her for a whole month. I desperately wanted to make this relationship work, but I knew something was seriously wrong here.

It was worse than I thought.

She eventually called me one night after months of her being hot and cold towards me....she started bawling, telling me she was in trouble. I asked her what had happened.

She told me she had been cheating on me...with a pastor at her church....who was married with kids...where she also happened to work....and they were caught and both kicked out of that church.

It broke my heart.

At least she confessed it. At least she came clean, even if it was late. Even though I was heart broken and felt betrayed, I wanted to make it work with her still. Even though I had by that point stopped believing in God, I didn't mind that she was a Christian. I cared about her...

She eventually told me she didn't want it to work. She was bothered by the difference in our ages, and the distance between us...and though she didn't say it, I have a strong suspicion the fact I was now an atheist bothered her the most....Its been about a year now, but that complete and utter rejection still hurts like hell. Perhaps I'm simply a weak person, but I haven't gotten over it completely. I've made strides to move on with my life, but it still haunts me :\



Anyway, I wanted to get that off my chest. I appreciate it for those that stuck around and read my post, if not its cool. Its my shit, I gotta find a way to deal with it...but I'm not above asking to be loved on. Just needed to vent.

Thanks for reading Smile
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04-08-2014, 07:22 PM
RE: Venting
Welcome to the forum. I dare say you'll find easier acceptance here than you've had in your personal life so far since losing your faith. Come on in and start chatting! Cool

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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04-08-2014, 08:28 PM
RE: Venting
Hey Barry Smile
You sound like a great guy and it's her loss.
The right one will come along one day and you won't have to compromise yourself or your beliefs.
All will be well in the land of Barry White Big Grin
Thanks for being here Thumbsup

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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04-08-2014, 11:27 PM
RE: Venting
Welcome Barry Smile

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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05-08-2014, 02:04 AM
RE: Venting
Sorry for your heartache. Welcome, I'm sure you'll find many friends here.

PS I'm from Alabama, too!

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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05-08-2014, 05:06 AM
RE: Venting
I appreciate all the support guys. Really, I can't get enough of your love Wink

@colourcraze awesome to meet another alabamian Big Grin
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05-08-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: Venting
War Eagle! Big Grin

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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05-08-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: Venting
(05-08-2014 08:47 AM)Nurse Wrote:  War Eagle! Big Grin

*shakes fist*
Barners! Dodgy



Definitely looking forward to the iron bowl, hopefully my bro can get tickets for both of us Tongue
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[+] 1 user Likes barrywhitecc's post
05-08-2014, 07:04 PM
RE: Venting
Welcome to TTA.

Congrats on the new job. Thumbsup

Glad to hear you have a friend and family member to talk things over with and you aren't completely in the closet.


Don't worry too much about the ex girlfriend, most everyone has someone they loved in their 20's that it didn't work out. It's a time for exploring adulthood, enjoy it, don't get bogged down into thinking you need to have someone to live your whole life with.

Spend this time seeking out groups that do the things you enjoy. Meet as many people as you can, go on as many adventures and do as much fun stuff as you can. You will meet people to date ( maybe once or twice, maybe for a year , whatever, just enjoy).

When you join clubs and groups that are centered around the things you already enjoy, it also puts the odds in your favor that you will meet someone who you have much in common with.

There is an outdoor club in my area, they plan a full calendar, one day kayaking, another day rock climbing, etc. join with your friend and brother if nothing else the three of you will have a great time.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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