Venting
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12-05-2013, 07:39 AM
RE: Venting
(11-05-2013 09:26 PM)aurora Wrote:  Wow! That's a very irrational and irresponsible response.
He has an anger management problem at 78?
What did your mother do? I'm surprised she would put up with such displays of uncontrolled behaviour.
Sorry to hear you had to put up with that shit Undecided

Tell me about it.

My dad has always had an anger problem, even as a kid I remember his fits of rage. He can be totally charming one minute and totally out of control the next. He can be very magnanimous and caring and also very critical and judgemental. I don't believe he is bipolar, but his mood swings are severe. All four of his sons have the trait to some degree. Luckily for me my wife has helped we greatly with managing my moods and I have worked very hard at reprogramming how I react and respond.

My parents have been married for 54 years. You name the situation and the've probably gone through it, somehow they have stayed together in spite of everything. This paticular issue has been a conflict point for years, I think my father has worn her down. I am pretty sure that after we left she ripped into him, especially since it is Mother's Day weekend and we were to have had brunch with them yesterday.

Thanks for listening. Getting outside perspective helps calibrate my take on things.

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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12-05-2013, 08:13 AM
RE: Venting
(12-05-2013 07:39 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Tell me about it.

My dad has always had an anger problem, even as a kid I remember his fits of rage. He can be totally charming one minute and totally out of control the next. He can be very magnanimous and caring and also very critical and judgemental. I don't believe he is bipolar, but his mood swings are severe. All four of his sons have the trait to some degree. Luckily for me my wife has helped we greatly with managing my moods and I have worked very hard at reprogramming how I react and respond.

My parents have been married for 54 years. You name the situation and the've probably gone through it, somehow they have stayed together in spite of everything. This paticular issue has been a conflict point for years, I think my father has worn her down. I am pretty sure that after we left she ripped into him, especially since it is Mother's Day weekend and we were to have had brunch with them yesterday.

Thanks for listening. Getting outside perspective helps calibrate my take on things.


At this point, finding the proper label for your father won't change the experience you've had with him. Which, btw, I'm really sorry that you had to live with that sort of rage as a child.

Owing to the fact that we humans tend to mellow with age, I can only imagine what it was like to be raised in his charge.

My father wasn't violent but he was incredibly controlling and it ultimately cost him five years of my company and resources. My mother, only a about a year.

In the end, that was sufficient time for both of them (respectively) to reflect on how they had treated me and now, we have a really sound and mutually respectful relationship.

No one can tell you what's the best move but I stand by my earlier statement. Adult relationships are voluntary and I would never pursue or maintain a relationship that was destructive to my happiness.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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12-05-2013, 12:34 PM (This post was last modified: 12-05-2013 08:40 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: Venting
(12-05-2013 08:13 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  
(12-05-2013 07:39 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Tell me about it.

My dad has always had an anger problem, even as a kid I remember his fits of rage. He can be totally charming one minute and totally out of control the next. He can be very magnanimous and caring and also very critical and judgemental. I don't believe he is bipolar, but his mood swings are severe. All four of his sons have the trait to some degree. Luckily for me my wife has helped we greatly with managing my moods and I have worked very hard at reprogramming how I react and respond.

My parents have been married for 54 years. You name the situation and the've probably gone through it, somehow they have stayed together in spite of everything. This paticular issue has been a conflict point for years, I think my father has worn her down. I am pretty sure that after we left she ripped into him, especially since it is Mother's Day weekend and we were to have had brunch with them yesterday.

Thanks for listening. Getting outside perspective helps calibrate my take on things.


At this point, finding the proper label for your father won't change the experience you've had with him. Which, btw, I'm really sorry that you had to live with that sort of rage as a child.

Thanks for the support.

(12-05-2013 08:13 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  Owing to the fact that we humans tend to mellow with age, I can only imagine what it was like to be raised in his charge.

Most of the time it was ok, but sometimes it was...well...very unpleasant. Most people mellow with age like you say, but in my opinion my father has become an extremist and a reactionary in his old age.

(12-05-2013 08:13 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  My father wasn't violent but he was incredibly controlling and it ultimately cost him five years of my company and resources. My mother, only a about a year.

I feel you, I've been there too...I have a friend who says thirty years is not too long to hold a grudge.

(12-05-2013 08:13 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  In the end, that was sufficient time for both of them (respectively) to reflect on how they had treated me and now, we have a really sound and mutually respectful relationship.

That's great. We have a semblance of a normal relationship for the most part, as long as we stay away from discussing politics and religion. What happened Friday night was a result of my father being told what to do or how to do it.

(12-05-2013 08:13 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  No one can tell you what's the best move but I stand by my earlier statement. Adult relationships are voluntary and I would never pursue or maintain a relationship that was destructive to my happiness.

Thanks for the input. I've lived without contact for months at a time on many occassions. I sent him the e-mail last night after modifying it many times. I don't expect a response, he doesn't do "sorry". The old man is, well, old and out of shape and a heart attack waiting to happen. So I try to maintain an open line of communication and limit interaction to brief episodes and neutral locations. Friday it wasn't brief enough and being in his car wasn't a neutral location. Sad

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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