Voices in my head
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22-12-2017, 10:49 PM
Voices in my head
Click-worthy title, right? Wink

Seriously though, I was indoctrinated in the christian faith from birth basically, and now that I've woken up (after a mere 30 years...sigh) I do feel like I have these other thoughts or voices in my mind at times.

Here's my family background: Biblical literalist, lightly pentecostal, fundamentalist. Non-abusive, loving home. Loving god (except the hell part, obviously). Supposed to have a personal relationship with Jesus (spoiler: he never showed up). Dad was a pastor. Grandparents and extended family all missionaries.

Anyway, I feel literally of two minds. I'm delving deep into science to try to wash all the young-earth creationist crap out of my head with reality, and in the background I keep getting thoughts like this: "What if you've been deceived by satan?" or "Lean not on your own understanding" or "for the wisdom of the wise is foolishness to god" or "But what if you're wrong and end up burning in HELL?"

Do you guys have these thoughts? Where you can still see the theist viewpoint in your own head and it feels so real and at the same time the atheist in your head is screaming, "are you STUPID?! That's just bullshit!"

What do you do about it? It's like I'm questioning my own senses and reason on no grounds at all!

“I have always felt that doubt was the beginning of wisdom, and the fear of God was the end of wisdom.”
― Clarence Darrow, The Story of My Life
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22-12-2017, 11:07 PM
RE: Voices in my head
Can't say that I have. Then again, I never thought the voice inside my head was anything buy my own internal dialogue; nobody ever had the chance to high-jack that voice with a culturally shared imaginary friend (e.g. god/Jesus).

But, yeah...

Why would a caring and benevolent god create humans capable of reason, make that our best tool for understanding the world around us, then punish those who are good with those tools by deceiving them with false evidence and demanding we use faith rather than evidence? Simpy put, any being worthy of such deification, wouldn't.

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22-12-2017, 11:54 PM
RE: Voices in my head
(22-12-2017 11:07 PM)EvolutionKills Wrote:  Can't say that I have. Then again, I never thought the voice inside my head was anything buy my own internal dialogue; nobody ever had the chance to high-jack that voice with a culturally shared imaginary friend (e.g. god/Jesus).

But, yeah...

Why would a caring and benevolent god create humans capable of reason, make that our best tool for understanding the world around us, then punish those who are good with those tools by deceiving them with false evidence and demanding we use faith rather than evidence? Simpy put, any being worthy of such deification, wouldn't.

No argument from me... It's the other voice that's doing the arguing. I'm sure it IS just my internal dialog. I'm also sure everyone in my family would call it the holy spirit. It is the most bizarre feeling to have two conflicting opinions on the same subject. Maybe that's overstating. I can see very clearly that there is no evidence for the theist/creationist viewpoint. I've absorbed many of the arguments and can quote them. So rationally, I am an atheist. But then these weird nagging thoughts come and they don't even make sense, but there they are.

“I have always felt that doubt was the beginning of wisdom, and the fear of God was the end of wisdom.”
― Clarence Darrow, The Story of My Life
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23-12-2017, 12:24 AM (This post was last modified: 23-12-2017 01:43 AM by EvolutionKills.)
RE: Voices in my head
(22-12-2017 11:54 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  No argument from me... It's the other voice that's doing the arguing. I'm sure it IS just my internal dialog. I'm also sure everyone in my family would call it the holy spirit. It is the most bizarre feeling to have two conflicting opinions on the same subject. Maybe that's overstating. I can see very clearly that there is no evidence for the theist/creationist viewpoint. I've absorbed many of the arguments and can quote them. So rationally, I am an atheist. But then these weird nagging thoughts come and they don't even make sense, but there they are.

[Image: f67a12691747b4d61988706e79343a4a.jpg]

If you were supremely confident in your new outlook, then you'd have more cause for concern. Learning to doubt, to understand it, embrace it, come to terms with and stop fearing it? That is indicative that you are on the right track, that you are reasoning correctly. Intelligent people scale the strength of their conviction to the evidence at hand; doubt is a natural byproduct of both desiring knowledge and being honest with the limitations of that knowledge.

To have no doubts whatsoever, to claim nothing but certainty, is indicative of an uncritical (and often proudly ignorant) mindset.

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23-12-2017, 05:32 AM
RE: Voices in my head
(22-12-2017 10:49 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  What do you do about it? It's like I'm questioning my own senses and reason on no grounds at all!

I didn't become an atheist until I was 50, and had similar problems for some years -- during which time I was semi-depressed. Old habits of thought are hard to break. Reading atheist literature cleared up a lot of my doubts for me, and of course discussing them with other atheists helped, but honesty with myself helped the most. With time passing, I felt much more confident and better about myself.

Just give yourself time.
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23-12-2017, 06:15 AM
RE: Voices in my head
First i believe we all doubt our belief from time to time whatever it is. Secondly there is some misguided good intentions by religious folks. Jesus is taught rather than God because Jesus is portrayed as all lovey dovey, God is not. God is jealous and demands payment for sin and will use hell just as he said. The whole personal relationship with Jesus is simply an extension of the lovey dovey thing the bible never says anything about such a relationship. In fact it says you will follow God and he will be first in your life or you will not see heaven.
This is why so many Christians at least go away thinking they must not get it when it was their whimpy teaching that was the problem.
We all have doubts but it is our individual responsibilty to study and learn on our own. Remember scripture says to work out your own salvation which simply means read and learn for yourself the preacher is there as a guide not as a voice of authority and you dont check things out for your self.
So its ok to doubt but its up to you to find your strength if you still want it.
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23-12-2017, 06:18 AM
RE: Voices in my head
Yes, I did have issues like the ones you describe in the first few years I was an atheist. That problem faded over time.

I eventually reframed along these lines: this is a problem centered in my narrative drive (that's what I call the impulse humans have to make sense of our lives by developing a story around them). So: my narrative drive is thrilled by the idea of secret knowledge and traps and my being important enough to have these traps set for me by Satan himself. How dramatic and thrilling! I'm putting my eternal soul in peril, just by reading a science article and thinking, hmmmm, maybe Eve wasn't made out of Adam's rib! When all that really happened was I was turning pages and maybe taking some notes. All of the dramatics are my brain trying to keep me entertained--they're adding the voiceover and sinister background music.

Seeing things like this helped defang my religious panic attacks.
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23-12-2017, 08:38 AM
RE: Voices in my head
(22-12-2017 10:49 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  Do you guys have these thoughts? Where you can still see the theist viewpoint in your own head and it feels so real and at the same time the atheist in your head is screaming, "are you STUPID?! That's just bullshit!"

What do you do about it? It's like I'm questioning my own senses and reason on no grounds at all!

When I came over to the dark side it was like flipping a switch, I went from being very aware that I was sharing my thoughts with something that was "God" to being very aware I was completely and only just me in there between the ears. Might have been partly because by then my perception of God was one-way street, he was the almighty easedropper and knew when I was naughty and nice but he was too busy to actually dialogue. So I only had to drop a listener, I guess most Christians have to drop a listener and a talker which might be twice as hard.

footnote: Capitalizing g in God to denote the character in the bible. Wait a second...is bible a proper noun? Aw fuck it.

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23-12-2017, 10:12 AM (This post was last modified: 23-12-2017 10:22 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Voices in my head
(22-12-2017 10:49 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  Anyway, I feel literally of two minds.

Only two? pffft, ask me again when you got six. Smile

(22-12-2017 10:49 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  Biblical literalist, lightly pentecostal, fundamentalist.

What the fuck does that even mean? "Lightly pentecostal"? Instead of rattlesnakes you talk to baby boa constrictors?

(22-12-2017 10:49 PM)DarkkWolfe Wrote:  Supposed to have a personal relationship with Jesus (spoiler: he never showed up).

You've come to the right place, my child. You have to become an atheist before you can find Jesus. Jesus was like the OG atheist. Thus saith The Word. :pray:

#sigh
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23-12-2017, 11:27 AM
RE: Voices in my head
(23-12-2017 10:12 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Only two? pffft, ask me again when you got six

Only six? Pfft, ask me again when you can't even tell how many there are or even how many are talking at the same time Rolleyes

"All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something..."




"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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