WTF do I do with this????????
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27-09-2015, 07:11 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
Okay. Let us hope she has settled down.

Thinking of you all. D.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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27-09-2015, 11:44 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
(27-09-2015 12:30 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I know that all this gets to me but I tend to don a pretty tough facade. A dear friend sent me a message this morning...an audible sob seemingly came from nowhere...even the dogs woke up and looked at me. I don't cry very often but am still welling up with tears every so often. I feel like I failed with this kid. The oldest seems to have her life on track, the youngest is buying a house this week, and the middle one just can't seem to find her way and I can't seem to help her. My heart aches to a level I can't even put into words.

Children are arrows, and we are the archer. Our job is to aim well, but we all know that even with the best aim, an unpredictable gust or current can send the arrow awry of the mark.

Don't beat yourself up. You have a hell of a lot on your plate right now, and I don't doubt the stress is getting to you, but self-anger is a luxury we cannot afford to indulge in tough times.

The toughest part of watching them fly is watching them struggle, but once they're aloft all you can do is suck in your breath and try to be near enough if worse comes to worst. I'm going through some similar, though less-intense, issues with my 17-year-old, and I find myself chewing my teeth wondering what I could have done different. I feel for you.
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27-09-2015, 11:58 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
(27-09-2015 11:44 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  Children are arrows, and we are the archer. Our job is to aim well, but we all know that even with the best aim, an unpredictable gust or current can send the arrow awry of the mark.
Heart The Prophet.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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28-09-2015, 07:36 AM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
A couple of years ago we had a neighbor whose wife had moved away. We periodically would see police come to his house and never knew what it was about until one time we overheard them yelling through the door asking is he was going to harm himself. It seems he was fighting with his wife over the phone and he apparently made suicide threats which scared the wife enough to call our local police. I think the take home lesson is that even from far away, you should be able to call the police and have them go check on her Anjele. At least the police here did it. I am sorry you are going through this, it is just unimaginable to me the suffering this must be putting you through.
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28-09-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
Late to the party as usual, but was reading this thread.

Ang, I don't know what to say. Really sorry you have to deal with this. But, one thing you wrote struck me in particular:

(27-09-2015 12:30 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I feel like I failed with this kid. The oldest seems to have her life on track, the youngest is buying a house this week, and the middle one just can't seem to find her way and I can't seem to help her. My heart aches to a level I can't even put into words.

For what it's worth, if you have 3 kids and 2 of them have their lives together, then you did a good job as a mother. Some people just need to go their own way and there is little you can do about it. Who knows why that is. I have a cousin who has 2 sons. One went to West Point and the other was an addict who can't hold a job down. Grew up in the same house with the same standards and rules and environment. One turned into the man every parent could be proud of. The other was a train wreck (although I understand he has gotten help and finally pulled his life together).

You're always going to worry about your daughter. That's your job as a mom. But, don't beat yourself up for her choices. And, make no mistake: these are her choices. It sounds like you've tried to help her as much as you can. The rest is up to her.

Best of luck.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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28-09-2015, 07:17 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
Thank you again, to everyone.

Though it appears that she has leveled out some and some friends are being very supportive on FB, it's still a stressful situation.

Luckily I was super-busy at work this morning. That kept my mind occupied. Then off to the dentist, which is an exercise in misery for me. Those chairs and the changes in my body from the mastectomies don't work together very well. Thankfully it was just an exam and cleaning. Now the flu shot is making my arm hurt. At least feeling crappy physically is keeping me from dwelling on Shawn.

I know that I need to realize that she is an adult and responsible for herself...I do worry about her...and I worry about the kids. They don't deserve the crazy they are surrounded by. Undecided

I appreciate the continued support. I hate to admit to needing it but am glad it's here when I do.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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28-09-2015, 07:29 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
We got your back.

Hey, if you can't count on a community of mostly random strangers in your time of need, who can you count on?

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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28-09-2015, 07:31 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
(28-09-2015 07:17 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I know that I need to realize that she is an adult and responsible for herself.

Fuck that! She's your kid. Of course you worry.

Remember, we're here with you. As of course you already know.

Just don't forget it, or we'll send the boys around! HeartHeartHeart

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NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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28-09-2015, 07:48 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
(28-09-2015 07:36 AM)Iñigo Wrote:  A couple of years ago we had a neighbor whose wife had moved away. We periodically would see police come to his house and never knew what it was about until one time we overheard them yelling through the door asking is he was going to harm himself. It seems he was fighting with his wife over the phone and he apparently made suicide threats which scared the wife enough to call our local police. I think the take home lesson is that even from far away, you should be able to call the police and have them go check on her Anjele. At least the police here did it. I am sorry you are going through this, it is just unimaginable to me the suffering this must be putting you through.

They do this by request most places, you call and ask for a welfare check. Of course now someone will do this expecting money Tongue

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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30-09-2015, 04:38 PM
RE: WTF do I do with this????????
(27-09-2015 09:20 AM)Anjele Wrote:  I would have chalked it up to a pissed off note to the boyfriend had the previous note not been a rambling, barely coherent post about her friend who was murdered by her husband a few years back. When she talks about Tori's murder, she is usually pretty low. When she talks about missing Tori, it's different...it's melancholy. Hard to explain...you kind of had to be there. Undecided

I tried to call her a little while ago, not surprisingly, she didn't answer.


Just got my suicide prevention training by this dude who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived with the help of a sea lion. One of the most riveting stories I've ever heard. See if you can get your daughter to watch it. One of us in the audience asked "You were visibly displaying distress but what if they're not? How can we know they need help?" He responded that "It's difficult but often if you see a sudden change in attitude or behavior or temperament it can be a sign. The day I jumped my father dropped me off at school and I was calm and collected and resigned to my fate. The previous weeks I was seriously depressed and it showed. My father thought I was doing better that day, I was not."

He talked for an hour and a half with us. The 33 minute video below is worth the watch. I guarantee you will watch it to the end.




There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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