Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
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13-02-2015, 03:01 AM
Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
Waiting 101


Introduction

Welcome and thank you for choosing Waiting 101, the 3rd installment in The Life Guide series by Muffs. Muffs is an expert at life and due to his good heart he wishes to share his elite knowledge of life with the general population so that they may benefit from his infinite wisdom.

By choosing to read this installment you have demonstrated your desire to not be a complete cunt in life by better yourself so that can be harmonious to those around you and for that Muffs thanks you. However he also issues a caution that theory is one thing but theory is no good without practice and practical application and so he urges that you not only learn and understand the theory behind waiting but you also apply the techniques outlined here.

Step 1: The Line

'The Line' is encountered in many day-to-day situations, particularly at the grocery store, subway and KFC. It is a phenomenon that occurs due to two main reasons.
1) Bad customer service
2) Bad customers.
Either way it is important that we, the human race, understand how to properly wait in the line.

Do's

- Fill the gap infront of you by taking an extra step.
This is critically important as it opens space up behind you for the next person to step forth and so on and so forth which ultimately means that the person at the back isn't forced to stand in the door way setting off the buzzer, or standing in the aisle blocking the path for others.

Do Not's

- Fidget.
It's annoying, stop it.

- Listen to music.
Nobody wants to hear your hippity hoppity crap. Stop it.

- Have a loud conversation with your totally bff
Everyone doesn't need to hear your conversation. Conversation is fine as long as volume control is executed. Think library voice and than half it and you're getting close.

- Stand right behind the person in front of you.
Stand slightly off to the side of the person. It's really fucking creepy when someone is standing right behind you. Stop it.

- Stand close to the person being served.
Eventually they will get their order, so give them some space so they may exit the store promptly.


Step 2: The Waiting Room

The waiting room is encountered at more "classy" places such as the bank or the welfare center. Proper seat placement is key.

2 Seat Arrangement

- You may choose any seat to sit at.

3 Seat Arrangement

- Sit on one of the end chairs so that another person may sit on the other end allowing the polite gap chair between.

4 Seat Arrangement

- You may sit any where.
- If anyone is already seated than sit so that there is 1 chair gap between you and that person.

Odd number of chairs 5+

- Always sit on the end chair allowing for 3 people to sit all with a gap chair.

Even number of chairs 6+

- Sit anywhere.

Room full of chairs

- If someone is sitting down, sit on the furthest set of chairs.
When you have an entire room of chairs to choose from and you sit as close to the other person as possible it's weird. Stop it.


Conclusion

By following these basic steps we, the human race, may slowly turn our world from the cesspool piece of shit it is into a utopian paradise where people aren't constantly total fuckbag cunts.

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13-02-2015, 03:16 AM
RE: Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
Ah! One of my favourite subjects.

Airport Appendix:

Don't join the side of the queue and then pretend to be invisible.

Don't join the back of the queue with your body at an angle so that next person is obliged to block those travelator things or block other pedestrian traffic.

Don't put your fucking passport on top of my fucking passport to indicate you are next when it's fucking obvious that I am next. Bitch!

Don't be Chinese!

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13-02-2015, 03:31 AM
RE: Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
This is a very useful post. A favorite top anxiety these days is agonizing over which transgression might inadvertently trigger world obliteration, annoying a militant extremist islamist or annoying Muffs, and these posts remove all doubt. Tongue
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13-02-2015, 05:23 AM
RE: Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
(13-02-2015 03:01 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  - Fill the gap infront of you by taking an extra step.
This is critically important as it opens space up behind you for the next person to step forth and so on and so forth which ultimately means that the person at the back isn't forced to stand in the door way setting off the buzzer, or standing in the aisle blocking the path for others.

No.

Even if the person blocking the path takes a step forward, the person behind him will also take a step forward and become the person blocking the path himself. The only solution is to just LEAVE A GAP there.

This is like the old ladies who keep telling you to walk if the person in front of you takes a step, as if it'll get them there faster. Or like when they push you to get into the bus quickly, as if the driver will decide to drive off with the doors open.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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13-02-2015, 07:12 AM
RE: Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
Of course, there's the flip side.

Go proactive - have fun and save time.

If you don't shower for a week or so ahead of time, work out daily and eat large quantities of garlic and onion you can create a personal fog around yourself that's reminiscent of the force field on Star Trek. With your "shields up" you can simply walk more or less directly to the head of the line.

This method only fails, if you run into a guy in line who's using the "Chinese Death Crud" contagious disease method, by which his nasal drip blocks the effect of your shields.

It's a chance you take.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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13-02-2015, 04:00 PM
RE: Waiting 101: A life guide by Muffs
(13-02-2015 03:01 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Welcome and thank you for choosing Waiting 101, the 3rd installment in The Life Guide series by Muffs. Muffs is an expert at life and due to his good heart he wishes to share his elite knowledge of life with the general population so that they may benefit from his infinite wisdom.

By choosing to read this installment you have demonstrated your desire to not be a complete cunt in life by better yourself so that can be harmonious to those around you and for that Muffs thanks you.

Yabut, yours is a cautionary tale.

#sigh
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