Waiting to come out
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03-02-2016, 08:33 AM
Waiting to come out
Well, my ticket is booked. I'm traveling back home in March--it will be the first I've seen my family in almost 2 years since I left to medical school.

I've also scheduled my first counseling appointment so I can talk with someone about my family problems (their religious and I'm not, coming out to them, anger/resentment management). I don't want to say this, but I'm think I'm legitimately overwhelmed with the stress of coming out to my parents... Maybe even borderline depressed. I can't focus, I'm listless, there's a huge weight sitting on my chest... I've written and re-written my coming out letter countless times... Exams are next week and I can't concentrate!

As it currently stands, I'm not coming out before I go see them because I'm selfishly waiting on tax documents from them which I'm pretty sure they'll withhold from me once I come out to them. But I'm afraid this trip is going to give me an ulcer or something due to my apprehension and anxiety. I feel like they're going to corner me and question everything I'm doing with my life that doesn't follow their rules. I don't care what their rules are, I just don't want to get cornered and I'm frightened of what might happen. I can stand up for myself, but I don't want to come out face-to-face--my family is far too emotionally and mentally unstable for that to turn out well.

I just want to send my letter, but I can't avoid seeing them and I can't afford to not get that stupid paperwork from them. The suspense is killing me... Weeping
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03-02-2016, 08:43 AM
RE: Waiting to come out
Focus on your exams. Tell yourself you can always decide not to come out to your family right now (that will take off some of the pressure, so you can focus on your exams). I don't think it's selfish of you to tell them after you get the tax documents.

Once your exams are over, then start thinking about telling them again. I think it would help to think about various outcomes/scenarios/arguments/reactions and how you will deal with them/what your responses will be. I think part of the anxiety comes from the unknown outcomes/scenarios/arguments/reactions--if you go over them ahead of time and make a plan of attack, it will help counteract some of the anxiety.

In the meantime, maybe do some things to relax like go get a massage, get your nails done, take a walk in the woods, do some yoga, etc. so you can get rid of some of this anxiety and focus on your exams. Put all the other stuff out of your mind. You don't have to tell your parents or family anything right now. You are in control of when you decide to tell them.

And Good luck with your exams Smile

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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