Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
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17-09-2014, 06:32 AM
Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
Walking Across Bridges 101


Introduction statement

Walking along bridges is a vital skill that many of us will require at some point in our lives. For some people it will be a rare occurrence and for others it will be a daily event. I am in the group of the later of those. Through my many months of experience of crossing bridges I have developed this extensive guide that will teach you the basic skills required to accurately, safely and politely cross a bridge.

Step 1: Walking across the bridge

- When someone is coming the other way and there is only enough room for two people and you are walking next to your friend, either you or your friend has to get the fuck out of the damn way.

- If the walkway is shared pedestrian and cyclist and you see a cyclist approaching, move the fuck over!

- Walk to the side of the path, not in the middle.

- Don't cross the bridge if you have children with you. This includes strollers.

- If you don't move when you blatantly see a cyclist approaching you better be prepared for him to just keep cycling with or without you in the way.

- Be aware of people walking faster then you behind you and let them through.

- Don't throw your rubbish off the bridge into the river you dirty cunt. Take it home or find a rubbish bin.

- MOVE!

Conclusion

If we can all follow these easy to do instructions, maybe crossing bridges will be a far more enjoyable experience for all!
Stay tuned for my next 'life guide' edition, the only guide on the internet that will teach you how to not be a fucking cunt.
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17-09-2014, 08:23 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
'Murica needs one of these instructionals for "Walking down the sidewalk", with many of the same rules.

Thank you.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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17-09-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
Murica truly needs the wisdom of the great and powerful Muffs. Bowing

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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17-09-2014, 08:51 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
We need a restaurant/eating out guide.
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17-09-2014, 08:57 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
(17-09-2014 06:32 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I am in the group of the later of those.
*latter

Apart from that, it was an enjoyable read. Sleepy

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17-09-2014, 09:00 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
You should print this out and hand it to anyone who needs it.

There is an intersection near my work which has me convinced that people don't know how to drive. Everyone wants to get to the highway. Anyway, people coming the opposite direction have two turning lanes and an advanced signal. If you're in the first turning lane, you turn into the first lane on the street. If you're in the second turning lane, you turn into the second lane on the street... From the direction I'm coming, I turn into the third lane on the street, because to do otherwise would be illegal. These cunts come flying out of their lane in the middle of the intersection and had the audacity to get upset at me? So I made a massive sign explaining why they're idiots, and they get to read it as I hold it out the window and drive extra slow down the highway on ramp.
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17-09-2014, 11:57 AM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
(17-09-2014 08:57 AM)Vosur Wrote:  
(17-09-2014 06:32 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I am in the group of the later of those.
*latter

Apart from that, it was an enjoyable read. Sleepy
Ahh, but you missed the then/than fiasco.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-09-2014, 12:11 PM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
(17-09-2014 11:57 AM)Adrianime Wrote:  Ahh, but you missed the then/than fiasco.
If I were to make an exhaustive list of earmuffs' typos every time I correct him, I'd never get around to submitting my posts. Tongue

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17-09-2014, 12:30 PM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
(17-09-2014 08:47 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  Murica truly needs the wisdom of the great and powerful Muffs. Bowing

Maybe Murica needs Muffs. Consider

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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17-09-2014, 12:31 PM
RE: Walking Across Bridges 101: A life guide by Muffs
I get irked by "cyclists" who have no concept of self preservation. I almost creamed one on the way to work yesterday morning - it was foggy and on a road that was both hilly and curvy while he was riding on the incorrect side of the road and no blinky lights. Please stay off the road when:

It's foggy outside
Dark outside and you don't have lights to alert drivers to your presence
Roads with speed limits >45mph and no shoulder or bicycle lane
Hilly roads with blind spots and no bicycle lane
Curvy roads with blind spots and no bicycle lane
Any road outside of a neighborhood during morning or evening rush hour traffic and no bicycle lane
Not wearing a helmet
Not wearing safety colors
Riding on the wrong side of the road - you are supposed to go with the flow of traffic, not against it - you are not a pedestrian

You can talk about equality for cyclists all you want, but as it stands, my car has the capacity to run you over without me being aware of your presence until I hear a thump. Be conscious of the route you take.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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