We Finally had the "Talk."
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01-03-2013, 10:56 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(01-03-2013 10:35 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(01-03-2013 09:23 PM)Peanut Wrote:  LOL If only it were that easy...

It isn't? Huh
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"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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02-03-2013, 12:28 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(01-03-2013 10:56 PM)Peanut Wrote:  
(01-03-2013 10:35 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  It isn't? Huh
[Image: 31056298.jpg]
I don't even care: Grumpy Cat is the cutest cat I've ever seen! [I'm drunk...]

"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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02-03-2013, 01:42 AM
We Finally had the "Talk."
(01-03-2013 10:56 PM)Peanut Wrote:  
(01-03-2013 10:35 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  It isn't? Huh
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Well if you go into it with THAT kind of attitude...pffffft!

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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02-03-2013, 02:37 AM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2013 02:45 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(01-03-2013 10:56 PM)Peanut Wrote:  
(01-03-2013 10:35 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  It isn't? Huh
[Image: 31056298.jpg]

It really is that motherfucking easy.... The fuck's wrong with you people. ... I'm suspect that there ain't something right in your heads.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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02-03-2013, 05:20 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
I have always believed that all you need is love... unfortunately due to personal experience I am forced to admit that love is not enough in at least one instance. It's very difficult. For me, there was a tipping point in our relationship when we both realised that it was headed for the rocks with no possibility of salvation. We stuck it out for a while longer 'cos we were really pretty keen on each other, tried the hot monkey sex option but even hot monkey sex... well the monkeys started complaining see... claimed that bananas were not meant for... um yeah. Anyway. Eventually we had to admit that our relationship was fucked. It wasn't a happy time.
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02-03-2013, 05:34 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
A year ago today I was engaged to a wonderful woman who also happened to be a Mormon. An incredibly devout Mormon who lived by every word of their doctrines and covenants. She has a 12-year-old son, also Mormon while I have two older daughters, both atheist like me.

We talked a lot about the questions mentioned in the OP. I was amazed at how open minded my fiance was.

We both agreed that we would never try to convert each other or our kids. That wasn't what our relationship or our love was about and it wouldn't be fair, would cause resentment, and would make our religious differences a million times harder to live with - maybe we could make it as a couple, maybe not, but beating each other up, or worse, recruiting each others' kids, would cross lines that our relationship couldn't survive. We both knew this, it wasn't like we had to work this one out, it was just obvious to us both.

She said that if her son came to me and asked about my atheism, that I was supposed to tell him the total truth about what I believed and thought. Not hide anything, not send him to her, but spell it out for him. God would keep him on the right path and the Holy Spirit would too, and if that wasn't enough then that would be between him and God.

She said that if her son wanted to stop going to church because his dad and sisters didn't go, that there would probably be some other reason he wanted to stop and would just be using us as an excuse, she would talk to him about that and find the real reason and help him deal with it but ultimately if he stopped then that was between him and God.

Seemed to be going quite well, actually.

A month before our wedding we had one of our usual talks. I'm fully vasectomied so there won't be any children, but we were talking hypothetically about what we would do if we had one, would he or she be raised going to church or not. I'm not even sure why we were discussing this since it couldn't happen. I said that I wouldn't want him or her to go to church until he was old enough to figure things out on his own - at least a teenager before he gets force-fed only one thing to believe. Before that, and really before he's 20ish, he's not qualified to make these kinds of lifelong decisions.

That was when she realized that our religious beliefs were too different for us to go through with the marriage and she broke it off, broke us up, over that hypothetical conversation. She specifically told me that it was that conversation that woke her up to the impossibility of our relationship. Kinda blew my mind because we had literally discussed our religious differences hundreds of times and to me, this seemed rather tame compared to some of our discussions.

Do I think you guys can make it? Sure, there are lots of religiously different couples out there making it, so you can too. But it will be hard. Every couple faces challenges, difficulties, things that make their relationship hard. You'll have one more than most, and it's a whopper. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce (in the U.S., I dunno about elsewhere) and almost all of those share the same religious beliefs and still don't make it. You're taking on that statistic AND doing it with a huge challenge already working against you. That doesn't mean you can't make it, but it does mean the odds are way against you.

One thing you must be sure of - get EVERYTHING worked out in advance. Every possible question, every possible situation. Try to anticipate every problem you might face. You've asked a few of the right questions and gotten some tough answers. Keep asking those questions and more like them, both of you, and make sure you're both happy with every answer. Or at least make sure you're both certain about what the compromise is, and even if you're not happy with the compromises, be absolutely sure that you can both accept them and still remain in love, still remain in marriage, despite those compromises.

Anything short of that, and you're doomed.

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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02-03-2013, 09:02 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
Getting drunk sure isn't the answer.

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02-03-2013, 09:17 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 09:02 AM)smidgen Wrote:  Getting drunk sure isn't the answer.

I can't take that back now. It was fun for a few hours... then I woke up sober.

"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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02-03-2013, 09:59 AM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 05:20 AM)morondog Wrote:  Anyway. Eventually we had to admit that our relationship was fucked. It wasn't a happy time.
We seem to be in the same situation and viewing our relationship similarly right now...


(02-03-2013 05:34 AM)Aseptic Skeptic Wrote:  
That was when she realized that our religious beliefs were too different
for us to go through with the marriage and she broke it off, broke us up, over that hypothetical conversation.

Anything short of that, and you're doomed.
Thanks for sharing. I want it work, but at the same time, I don't want to try anymore for fear of "wasting time." It's amazing being with him, but there's something missing Confused

"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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02-03-2013, 03:32 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 05:20 AM)morondog Wrote:  I have always believed that all you need is love...

I still believe it stultus canis, all you need is love. Love is all you need.





(02-03-2013 09:02 AM)smidgen Wrote:  Getting drunk sure isn't the answer.

Bah. Humbug.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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