We Finally had the "Talk."
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02-03-2013, 03:46 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 03:32 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(02-03-2013 09:02 AM)smidgen Wrote:  Getting drunk sure isn't the answer.
Bah. Humbug.


Slow learner? Consider

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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02-03-2013, 04:42 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 03:46 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(02-03-2013 03:32 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Bah. Humbug.


Slow learner? Consider

Thanks, Chas. Probably.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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02-03-2013, 04:44 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(02-03-2013 04:42 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(02-03-2013 03:46 PM)Chas Wrote:  Slow learner? Consider

Thanks, Chas. Probably.


Just keepin' it real, GM, just keepin' it real. Cool

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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02-03-2013, 06:20 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
You need to seperate yourself from that relationship. I had a problem like this Senior year this year. I've been an Atheist twice. I was one first semester of Sophomore year then went Christian, then was Christian up until second semester of Senior year I just had to quit. I was in a relationship with a guy and then I just had to break it off.
When I told him I was an Atheist at first he accepted it, then he kept sending me messages to make me feel bad like "Don't scare me like that!" So I eventually had to block and unfriend him on facebook.
I really didn't get the courage to tell my boyfriend the truth until I came out to a friend of my mind who I met through a discussion club at school who was an Atheist and when I told him my situation he said" Don't break up with someone over being religous. Question him with Science you're a smart girl."
It appears now although he's in denial of it he has a crush on me and I have a little crush on him back to.
When I broke up with my boyfriend I felt so free. From your situation it sounds like you need to leave this guy and find someone else.
Some people claim you can have a Christian-Atheist marriage but I disagree. When kids come along there's some problems.What if the child has a problem and the Atheist has a common sense solution and then the Christian has a christ like solution. I could see a fight starting right there.
I think It's ok to have little things you don't agree on like my parents are both Christians but my dad watches ghost shows like Ghost Hunters. Mom does not approve of these shows so her and my father don't talk about these shows. It doesn't ruin their marriage.
Yes trust is a part of a relationship but religous beliefs should agree. Your boyfriend sounds pretty strict about what is right and wrong in Christianity. I think it's best you move on and try to find someone else. It's sometimes just better to be single than be with someone who doesn't treat you right.

" If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello" Paulo Coelho
"If you pray for rain it eventually does fall. If you pray for floodwaters to abate, they eventually do. The same happens in the absence of prayers" Steve Allen
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02-03-2013, 07:15 PM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2013 07:40 PM by Luminon.)
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(01-03-2013 12:03 AM)Peanut Wrote:  
(28-02-2013 11:49 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Will he consider bringing up a child (your child) without religion? In other words is it his way or the highway?
It's not "his way or the highway." He's very open. He doesn't intervene when I say I don't want my child involved with a religion. He did ask, "What if [your son] decides he wants to go to church? What if I don't have to worry about HIM making OUR CHILD question his faith because he realizes Christianity is for him?" I told him that he can ask ME questions- I don't think he'll need to go to church. If, for some reason, religion "speaks to him," then , sure, son. Do what makes you happy.

He knows I feel like it's rude for people that know I don't believe (BF's mother) to bring up religious stuff (angels, for example) and then I have to explain about it to him...
What about you two parents back off a little? What about you... teach the controversy? Let's say daddy teaches all he knows and mommy teaches all she knows... And let the child decide? The child should eventually understand there are various religions and atheism in the world and that some people believe this and some people that and that you'll love the child no matter the faith. The only alternative is to teach only the religious or only the atheistic point of view, neither of which would be acceptable. What about you put together a curriculum and then stick to it? It would be a shame to break apart over something that can be negotiated.
(between the lines, of course if the child sees alternatives, (s)he will see inconsistencies! But don't tell Him that!)

This obviously needs a huge amount of communication. More than that. This is a big project, greater than both of you.
If you want to do the parenting thing right, you have to grow and mature as well. How can you go into any job without training? You have to accept that your children will be different from both of you. Children are not necessarily stupid. They must not be given fixed answers. Parents must know when to back off and how to reach the child's intelligence. Right now you both are not fit for the task, nobody is without training. The question is, can both of you be educated?

Poetically speaking (I cringe at the words "belief" and "faith"! ) of course I'd love my hypothetical children to believe as I do, but I'd hate it if they believed for a wrong reason - because I believe. No, they must find their own genuine reasons or their "faith" would not be real, it would be just a weaker reflection of mine. A faith not good enough for God and ready to fall off any time during their life. And I am not to be the bringer and arbiter of their relationship to God, nobody but them has the right, yet it is up to me to defend that right, to protect them against imposed beliefs from the outside. And I can arm them with the dissecting sword of critical mind.
Of course, not believing that everyone non-Christian invariably goes to Hell would make this a whole lot easier. Smile

Here's some education for your review:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxbiJXcW2J0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBG-YaM1Ucc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX9Ds_8jG38

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr30Syj1FhM

I can't find a video of it right now, but he speaks of how he communicated with his children. He had put a toy on a string above the bed. The string led to a switch. When the baby pulled the toy, a light came on. The baby soon understood the cause and effect, so Fresco added another toy on a string, with another switch - to the room light or something. Eventually, one of the switches led to another light outside the room and when the baby pulled it, one of the parents came in to check the diaper, and so the baby learned to signalize when to change the diaper. And that was way before learning to speak.

And here's some education for your Christian guy. Every single sentence is a gem. If necessary, make him believe this is written somewhere in Bible Smile (of course it's Kahlil Gibran)

I hope I don't sound too arrogant know-it-all without any experience, but this is my late night mystical ecstasy mode and if I receive a muse's kiss, I blow it onward.
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06-03-2013, 05:10 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
UPDATE:

Since we had "the talk," we barely speak. I find I can't find much to talk with him about anymore. I think he's seen that I really am considering leaving. I have been honest with him.

The other night, before he left for work, he asked me out of the blue to use one word to describe our relationship right now.

"Confused" was the first and most honest thing that popped out of my mouth.

He seems to be trying to be more romantic and hangout with me now, but I believe that he is just realizing all too late that he wants to have me in his life. I honestly find it a little aggravating. I just want to be alone.

Again, I can't stress enough that he is a great person and most girls would be lucky to have him, as he is caring and accepting of personal quirks. I just think he needs to find a nice, Christian girl to have babies with.

I think I failed to mention that the subject of having kids is hot and cold with him: One day, he'll say "I wouldn't mind having one some day." And the next, he'll seem visibly annoyed with children, and specifically, my son.

I really can't see myself marrying him anymore, not to mention I'm freaking out at the prospect of raising children with him! (If he even finally decides that's what he wants.)

I don't know how to act around him anymore. I have nowhere to go and no means to get away, either. I have no money and the thought of not having a warm, secure home for my son TERRIFIES me.

I need help Confused

"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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06-03-2013, 05:55 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
It sounds to me that you love him, but you may no longer be in love with him.
Was your talk about religion the tip of the Iceberg? Would you consider you were having problems before this talk happened?

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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06-03-2013, 06:13 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
(06-03-2013 05:55 PM)bemore Wrote:  It sounds to me that you love him, but you may no longer be in love with him.
Was your talk about religion the tip of the Iceberg? Would you consider you were having problems before this talk happened?

Yes. I had know for quite some time that I may not be in the "right" relationship for about a year now. And then one night, I started pondering life and that caused me to think about religion, which made me want to find a place where I belong... Then it all just came crashing down and I started REALLY thinking about the future.

It hurts and I was thinking of the old cliche "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" line. But it's so freaking true in this case in a way.

"It was life, often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King
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06-03-2013, 06:28 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
You can't help the way you feel mate. Life isn't simple and people can change over time.

If you decide to give it a go and try to make it work and it doesn't then you know in your heart you have tried everything you can. You cant do anymore than that.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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06-03-2013, 06:57 PM
RE: We Finally had the "Talk."
Yep, what Bemore said.

Time away from each other will help you and will help him.

It may be time for you both to be alone for a while.
Heart It's the best you can do for each other.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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