Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
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05-06-2016, 10:07 PM
RE: Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
(05-06-2016 09:07 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(05-06-2016 08:57 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  My sister hasn't spoken to me in eight years. It's a long story but suffice it to say we were never super close as kids and as adults were even more distant. My sister is someone who always kept people at arm's length. It took my father's death for our relationship to completely blow up. She accused my husband of stealing my father's money, what little there was. It was ridiculous. Anyway, she's someone who holds a grudge for ever. She hasn't spoken to her only child for 15 years. Her son became a psychologist just to try and figure out what was wrong with his mother.

Sorry, this thread brought up some bad memories.

I think we have the same sister. Sad

Hug Pretty much to everyone.

This is what I learned... who you were born to is chance. You had no control, you had no choice and it's not your fault. It is also not your fault you finally chose not to be their doormat anymore. In fact it's a huge credit to your character to leave them behind not only for yourself but for the other people in your life that they might have poisoned.

As an individual your have a right not to be tormented, especially by those who are supposed to love you. Find love where you can, forgive yourself and leave bad people to their own devices.

Hug again. Heart

Yeah. Everything you wrote is true. I know that.

When my sister phoned me and accused me of not really loving my father that angered me beyond anything I've ever felt. I threw the phone across the room against the wall. My husband and I were the ones who drove three hours to his house to cook for him and clean his house and fix stuff for him and generally visit with him, have a few laughs and listen to him proudly play the piano. My sister bitched and complained that the drive was too far and she didn't like the desert where he lived. In the 14 years my father lived in this little town I counted 5 times that my sister went to visit him. My husband counted only 3 times. He has a better memory than me so it might be true.


The day after my dad died my husband drove the three hours over Mt Hood through a white out blizzard to make the funeral arrangements while my fucking sister sat in her nice warm home and phoned the police to have my husband arrested for trespassing. My kids had the flu so I had to stay with them. Fucking goddamn bitch. The only decent thing I can say about this asshole is that she knits well.

Ok.

I feel better now.

I'm sorry Anjele. I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I apologize. Blush

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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06-06-2016, 12:31 AM
RE: Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
I am relieved to hear that this kinda stuff also happens in other families. Think im starting to really love you people.

My mother couldnt finally handle the fact that i stayed with my dad when they divorced, although i told her that i didnt stay with dad but with my friends and school which i wanted to finish. She moved out into a house she inherited from my grandparents. When their last will was read it turned out, that she didnt really inherit the house, she can use it as long as she lives, and then -and she has zero power over this- the house goes to me. Looks like her parents never told her in advance. I am the only grandchild, and her parents knew her well enough (she also was an epileptic in her youth, but became a strange person once she grew up). So i gues everyone can follow my grandparents´ thoughts.....everyone but mom.
In the process, she accused me of forgery of the last will of my grandparents, breaking into her house, trying to kill her (she even went to the police!), and being a horrible person and terrible son in particular. She never stopped to tell me how horrible a person i am but she still loves me and she wanted to stay in close contact with me since she is my mother after all. I guess you all know the scheme, being in a forum full of people who are recovering from an imaginary *parent* behaving like this too Tongue

It was a living hell. At some point she phoned me 30 (thirty) times a day and spoke on my answering machine, cussing like a sailor at me and then finally telling me how much she loves me and how much i owe her because...9 months. I still have tapes somewhere just in case i need them and noone believes me. She even once turned up in front of my door some sunday morning arguing and shouting at me because i didnt let her in, so all the other apartments could hear.

At the end i had a kind of nervous breakdown and decided enough is enough. I took a new job, moved and never gave her any chance to find me again. I even told my dad (who is in contact once in a while) not to give her any information about me.
My very last words to her were: "The next time we´ll see each other will be at your funeral", that was almost 25y ago.

I intend to keep my promise.

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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06-06-2016, 04:39 AM
RE: Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
(06-06-2016 12:31 AM)Deesse23 Wrote:  I am relieved to hear that this kinda stuff also happens in other families. Think im starting to really love you people.

Liked your post for this - not the rest.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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06-06-2016, 05:22 AM
RE: Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
(05-06-2016 10:07 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I feel better now.

I'm sorry Anjele. I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I apologize. Blush

No need to apologize. It looks like I brought up one of those 'taboo' topics that some of us need to talk about.

Part of the problem with issues like this are that you feel like you are the only one so maybe it's just you and you are the reason, you are at fault. The truth is that some of us have family members who are too awful to keep in our lives.

I have struggled with the question of who is going to care anything about me when even my own mother couldn't/can't.

I hate this situation for all of us who live it. Undecided

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-06-2016, 03:34 AM
RE: Weird situation, would appreciate some input.
You need to do what feels right to you. The only person you need to make happy is yourself, if you do not acknowledge his passing, by card or otherwise, is it something you might look back on and regret? Personally, I would send a card, and then be done with it.

I wish more people cared about the earth as much as they care about who they believe created it
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