What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
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13-05-2015, 10:18 AM
Tongue What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
So I've recently noticed that a couple of christian channels have appeared in the lower depths of the British freeview TV (right next to the horror and soft porn stations) Angel

Apparently 'Daystar' & 'TBN UK' have been on air over here since the beginning of the year, but as I've just noticed them and as such programs are a rarity over here, I thought I'd take a look at their "wholesome family friendly broadcasts" out of mindless curiosity...

I lasted just over an hour before the madness got to me and I needed to seek medical help for the blisters on my face, owed to repeated face-palming...

Here's what I learned:

An Indian Gary Numan look-a-like named Joseph Prince informed me that my "ugly human body" is "filthy" and the only way to cleanse it is to accept jesus before the rapture so that I can "accept a new heavenly body" when I am spirited up into heaven. Facepalm

Pastor John Hagee (who looks eerily like 'Little finger' from game of thrones) then informed me that scientists are invading US schools and...I quote: "brainwashing" American kids to "think for themselves"!!!!!!
The only way to prevent this is to show his book and movie (hilariously titled: "God is not dead, so stop acting like he is") to your kids and make them accept jesus... Facepalm

Finally I discovered that I can "guarantee" success in my work, school and be guaranteed of good health for the entire year by pledging $150USD to some creepy looking guy with the unfortunate name Ron Parsley... Sounds totally legit to me, what do you think? Facepalm


At this point they started playing christian rock and as I'd sooner perforate my own ear drums than be subjected to any more of this, I decided to tune out.

In all seriousness, I found the whole begging for or "pledging" money from these millionaire fraudsters to be sickening and distasteful.
I'm actually amazed that they can get away with conning people with actual promises of success and health.

This hour has made me laugh, cry and boiled my blood in equal measure. I'll need to stock up on liquor before attempting this again...Weeping

LL Bechased

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too"? - Douglas Adams Bechased
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13-05-2015, 10:21 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
(13-05-2015 10:18 AM)LostLegend Wrote:  So I've recently noticed that a couple of christian channels have appeared in the lower depths of the British freeview TV (right next to the horror and soft porn stations) Angel

Apparently 'Daystar' & 'TBN UK' have been on air over here since the beginning of the year, but as I've just noticed them and as such programs are a rarity over here, I thought I'd take a look at their "wholesome family friendly broadcasts" out of mindless curiosity...

I lasted just over an hour before the madness got to me and I needed to seek medical help for the blisters on my face, owed to repeated face-palming...

Here's what I learned:

An Indian Gary Numan look-a-like named Joseph Prince informed me that my "ugly human body" is "filthy" and the only way to cleanse it is to accept jesus before the rapture so that I can "accept a new heavenly body" when I am spirited up into heaven. Facepalm

Pastor John Hagee (who looks eerily like 'Little finger' from game of thrones) then informed me that scientists are invading US schools and...I quote: "brainwashing" American kids to "think for themselves"!!!!!!
The only way to prevent this is to show his book and movie (hilariously titled: "God is not dead, so stop acting like he is") to your kids and make them accept jesus... Facepalm

Finally I discovered that I can "guarantee" success in my work, school and be guaranteed of good health for the entire year by pledging $150USD to some creepy looking guy with the unfortunate name Ron Parsley... Sounds totally legit to me, what do you think? Facepalm


At this point they started playing christian rock and as I'd sooner perforate my own ear drums than be subjected to any more of this, I decided to tune out.

In all seriousness, I found the whole begging for or "pledging" money from these millionaire fraudsters to be sickening and distasteful.
I'm actually amazed that they can get away with conning people with actual promises of success and health.

This hour has made me laugh, cry and boiled my blood in equal measure. I'll need to stock up on liquor before attempting this again...Weeping

LL Bechased

One hour of Christian tv??!! OMG--r u ok??

BTW--what channel are the soft porn/horror shows on Tongue
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13-05-2015, 10:49 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
I guess you have learned that you can survive at least 60 minutes of phsycological torture. Good to know I guess.

“Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up, must come down, down, down. Amen! If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it.”
— Dan Barker —
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13-05-2015, 11:16 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
I always thought Christian programming WAS softcore-horror.
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13-05-2015, 11:26 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
Ugh I unsuccessfully try to stay away from those channels on Sky. I remember when 'The Christian Channel' (Now GOD TV) launched in the 90s and you had clowns like Benny Hinn healing all the sick people.

I had to watch it.. And I sometimes still have a morbid curiosity to put it on now. You know how you have to stick your tongue on a square battery? Or how you have to have a sniff of that gone off milk that you know is going to stink? Well I have the same compulsion to watch those Christian channels.

One woman was telling to people to 'Spend time with God' and how addictive it becomes, another was selling me salvation for a few hundred bucks.

It start off laughing at it, then I get concerned... Then angry. I switch it off then and usually repeat the cycle in a few weeks when I'm bored lol.

Programs like this..

https://youtu.be/GAU-HQPRk2g

Help me through it though lol
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13-05-2015, 11:49 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
Fair play to you for staying the course and watching that crap for an hour. I flick through the channels now and again out of curiosity. One night I came across a UK Muslim tv station. It was Ramadan so people were calling in and making donations. I was drunk so found it all very funny, especially listening to a bearded git with a cockney accent ranting on about Allah and telling conversion stories about saving prostitutes and so on.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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13-05-2015, 11:51 AM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
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the above is just a small sample of what my thoughts are after while and after watching religious tv
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13-05-2015, 12:00 PM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
(13-05-2015 11:51 AM)Ace Wrote:  jdifhj0pwjfg-[qwjdqujf-jef-k-ewqkg0-wekgi90je0je09gj0w9ejhfopajfoiew3yfjfwepefdo3evnrendnjfdwqjdndioewqnhfenfoihefef​jioefjefniejoepjojfojfoejkfojopwjefoefwoewofwjfjewjjp[t[ppgr4tjuwhwps,merfjloytngidengjyktnhgj


the above is just a small sample of what my thoughts are after while and after watching religious tv

LOL, I'm going to admit that your joke went over my head for a second because I clicked the line thinking "this must be a link to somewhere else, because it looks like gibberish"...
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13-05-2015, 12:02 PM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
(13-05-2015 10:18 AM)LostLegend Wrote:  I'll need to stock up on liquor before attempting this again...Weeping

Why would you do this when there is softcore porn on?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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13-05-2015, 12:02 PM
RE: What I've learned from 1 hour of Christian TV
(13-05-2015 11:26 AM)TheStraightener Wrote:  Ugh I unsuccessfully try to stay away from those channels on Sky. I remember when 'The Christian Channel' (Now GOD TV) launched in the 90s and you had clowns like Benny Hinn healing all the sick people.

I had to watch it.. And I sometimes still have a morbid curiosity to put it on now.

Help me through it though lol

We should set up a support group, I also switch the God channel on when I can't find anything else I fancy and it's usually when I've had a few. I actually rang the number one night after a few JDs and questioned whether the operator agreed with the hypocrisy of asking for money in the name of a myth and whether she actually believed this shit or was just in it for the money. I was fairly polite I think but she was not prepared to engage in discussion much.

I admit that I find myself watching the psycho bitch Meyer (and the crowd) immensely fascinating. You can see why folk fall for this shit.

In fact, just on my 3rd bottle of Westons cider so I'm going for it now.

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