What are your views on monogamy?
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28-06-2017, 01:41 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(27-06-2017 02:42 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  IF you're getting married, go to the local town hall/get some cheap rings then hit the pub/bar afterwards. It's about what it means not the amount of money you spend on the day.
It is not that being married is "about" fancy parties and clothing and pomp and circumstance, but all those things are symbolic and the brain deals in symbols. I maintain that any woman who says she would be happy with "cheap rings and going to the pub afterwards" hasn't thought it through and will eventually blame you for this tawdry excuse of a wedding that puts her at a permanent social disadvantage in sharing with other women. Eventually, it becomes about you not loving or caring enough. The symbolism is stronger by far than the rational facts on the ground. Few and far between be the spouse who can hold their own against that relentless pull.

I bought my current wife a horribly expensive engagement ring because she told me she "didn't need anything fancy" and then I just smiled and let her pick it out. It was $10K of "not fancy". Case closed. To this day I fear her being mugged on the street for it. Fortunately it is not ostentatious, she picked quality over size / quantity. Again -- symbolic. Back when the DeBeers syndicate established diamonds as the measure of a man's ardor, they were fucking brilliant.

All that said, our actual wedding consisted of us, a justice of the peace, two of our three surviving children, and an overnight at a local B&B. But then again, it was the third time for both of us, we're old, and no one wants to go to third weddings, and certainly doesn't want to bestow gifts on you.
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29-06-2017, 02:48 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(28-06-2017 01:41 PM)mordant Wrote:  
(27-06-2017 02:42 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  IF you're getting married, go to the local town hall/get some cheap rings then hit the pub/bar afterwards. It's about what it means not the amount of money you spend on the day.
It is not that being married is "about" fancy parties and clothing and pomp and circumstance, but all those things are symbolic and the brain deals in symbols. I maintain that any woman who says she would be happy with "cheap rings and going to the pub afterwards" hasn't thought it through and will eventually blame you for this tawdry excuse of a wedding that puts her at a permanent social disadvantage in sharing with other women. Eventually, it becomes about you not loving or caring enough. The symbolism is stronger by far than the rational facts on the ground. Few and far between be the spouse who can hold their own against that relentless pull.

I bought my current wife a horribly expensive engagement ring because she told me she "didn't need anything fancy" and then I just smiled and let her pick it out. It was $10K of "not fancy". Case closed. To this day I fear her being mugged on the street for it. Fortunately it is not ostentatious, she picked quality over size / quantity. Again -- symbolic. Back when the DeBeers syndicate established diamonds as the measure of a man's ardor, they were fucking brilliant.

All that said, our actual wedding consisted of us, a justice of the peace, two of our three surviving children, and an overnight at a local B&B. But then again, it was the third time for both of us, we're old, and no one wants to go to third weddings, and certainly doesn't want to bestow gifts on you.
For what it's worth, I relate things to my circumstances, so IE: we'd been together 10 years, were planning a HUGE wedding at the time, when we could have gotten married cheaper/quicker the other way. We brought down the cost of ours out of necessity, as we couldn't afford the original plan, but it still cost an arm and a leg.

That being said my idea of "hit the registry office, cheap rings etc" is something I would suggest only to those in committed relationships at that stage of their lives, not just to do it willy nilly, as you are correct in saying they probably haven't thought it through.

Everybody has different opinions on it, some feel the need for the HUGE wedding, were as I would have been happy marrying my wife in front of 2 witness' and then having a small party with family, as its the meaning of the rings/marriage that are important to me personally.

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29-06-2017, 03:16 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(29-06-2017 02:48 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  We brought down the cost of ours out of necessity, as we couldn't afford the original plan, but it still cost an arm and a leg.
Yes it is situational and I assumed that something like what you described was probably in the mix. I wasn't picking on you personally, as I'm sure you know. Just trying to be helpful to some young lurker who thinks they might get away with anything that could actually be semi-objectively labeled "cheap".
(29-06-2017 02:48 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  Everybody has different opinions on it, some feel the need for the HUGE wedding, were as I would have been happy marrying my wife in front of 2 witness' and then having a small party with family, as its the meaning of the rings/marriage that are important to me personally.
I have been fortunate that all three of my marriages were to women with modest desires in this regard. My first marriage was the biggest, and it was in our rented house with maybe 25 guests. My second was at her mother's house, with about the same number. So it's all relative. Like you, I simply couldn't afford anything more for my first wedding. 2nd and subsequent marriages are generally are by nature must smaller affairs, the bride generally having gotten that out of her system by then anyway.
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06-07-2017, 08:40 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
ifyou work on your relationship then monogamy is not so bad
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06-07-2017, 09:33 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(06-07-2017 08:40 AM)MuntyJay Wrote:  ifyou work on your relationship then monogamy is not so bad

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06-07-2017, 09:40 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(06-07-2017 08:40 AM)MuntyJay Wrote:  ifyou work on your relationship then monogamy is not so bad

If you work even harder on your relationship, alternatives can be pretty damn good too.
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06-07-2017, 10:10 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(28-06-2017 01:41 PM)mordant Wrote:  
(27-06-2017 02:42 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  IF you're getting married, go to the local town hall/get some cheap rings then hit the pub/bar afterwards. It's about what it means not the amount of money you spend on the day.
It is not that being married is "about" fancy parties and clothing and pomp and circumstance, but all those things are symbolic and the brain deals in symbols. I maintain that any woman who says she would be happy with "cheap rings and going to the pub afterwards" hasn't thought it through and will eventually blame you for this tawdry excuse of a wedding that puts her at a permanent social disadvantage in sharing with other women. Eventually, it becomes about you not loving or caring enough. The symbolism is stronger by far than the rational facts on the ground. Few and far between be the spouse who can hold their own against that relentless pull.

I bought my current wife a horribly expensive engagement ring because she told me she "didn't need anything fancy" and then I just smiled and let her pick it out. It was $10K of "not fancy". Case closed. To this day I fear her being mugged on the street for it. Fortunately it is not ostentatious, she picked quality over size / quantity. Again -- symbolic. Back when the DeBeers syndicate established diamonds as the measure of a man's ardor, they were fucking brilliant.

All that said, our actual wedding consisted of us, a justice of the peace, two of our three surviving children, and an overnight at a local B&B. But then again, it was the third time for both of us, we're old, and no one wants to go to third weddings, and certainly doesn't want to bestow gifts on you.

My one and only wedding, 21 years ago, was Justice of the Peace, one night in a hotel, and a $20 engagement ring. The total cost of my wedding/honeymoon, including the blood tests and our rings: around $500. I have never regretted anything about that day, nor have I blamed my husband for it; we agreed to the details and both wanted to be married much more than we wanted to get married. We split every cost, including the wedding/engagement rings, right down the middle.

I've talked with plenty of other females about their weddings and ours and never experienced any social pressure or criticism from them. And, again, I've never regretted doing things the way we did. I had no desire for the stress of a high-budget big production princess fantasy.
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06-07-2017, 03:43 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Hi,

37 years ago we married in the registry with two witnesses (apart from our daughter). We had a reception for the five of us in McDonalds. One of those witnesses died a few years back. We are now grandparents. Time passes.

I have been a very lucky guy. Smile Thank God I went into that pub on that friday night and argued with my soon to be wife, who I can hear in the next room. Coming to bed soon.

D.
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06-07-2017, 03:47 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
The older the person, the more monogamy wins out.

All the other possibilities lose their luster as your hormone household normalizes, and tried and true partnership becomes increasingly important. As does love (not to be mistaken for sexual attraction or infatuation).

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-07-2017, 05:50 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(06-07-2017 03:43 PM)Dworkin Wrote:  Hi,

37 years ago we married in the registry with two witnesses (apart from our daughter). We had a reception for the five of us in McDonalds. One of those witnesses died a few years back. We are now grandparents. Time passes.

I have been a very lucky guy. Smile Thank God I went into that pub on that friday night and argued with my soon to be wife, who I can hear in the next room. Coming to bed soon.

D.

Heart aw Smile
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