What are your views on monogamy?
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10-07-2017, 07:13 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 06:50 AM)BlkFnx Wrote:  I have friends, we "hang out", and sometimes we have sex. The idea of "dating" is bizarre to me. I grok loving someone, but the idea of being "in love" and wanting to date them... Either I like someone or I don't, either I want to hang out with someone or I don't. Maybe we have sex, maybe we don't. Monogamy as far as I have observed it is nothing more than mutual slavery. If that's your deal than good on you, but I am incapable of understanding why someone would want something like that. I don't date at all, nor do I just stick it into anyone willy nilly (though the same could not be said of my younger years). Think more friendships with benefits than fuck buddies. No roses, no dates, just having a good time and maybe "having a good time".
Fair enough, it's not my thing, but do whatever makes you happy haha.

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10-07-2017, 07:23 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 06:50 AM)BlkFnx Wrote:  
(10-07-2017 04:43 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  What about it don't you understand? I'm just not sure that I'm following what you're trying to say/implying here.

If you don't date, thats cool, in fact it's pretty much the same "idea" as monogamy, in that instead of dating just one person....you are dating no people, which is cool if that's what you want to do.

Monogamy simply means that when you do "date", you stick with the one person and see how it goes. That can range from whilst you're in the dating phase, just to see how it goes, and if if doesnt work out, break up and move on, OR stick with them the whole time, because they are the one for you.

Some people choose to not do that, and just stick their things into other peoples things willy nilly, (or have their things have things stuck in them), and thats cool too, if it makes you happy. Personally, it's not for me, and even if it was, I'm not sure I'd have the time to date more than one person lol.

I have friends, we "hang out", and sometimes we have sex. The idea of "dating" is bizarre to me. I grok loving someone, but the idea of being "in love" and wanting to date them... Either I like someone or I don't, either I want to hang out with someone or I don't. Maybe we have sex, maybe we don't. Monogamy as far as I have observed it is nothing more than mutual slavery. If that's your deal than good on you, but I am incapable of understanding why someone would want something like that. I don't date at all, nor do I just stick it into anyone willy nilly (though the same could not be said of my younger years). Think more friendships with benefits than fuck buddies. No roses, no dates, just having a good time and maybe "having a good time".

I think you got to do what works for you...and it's good to know that about yourself, that monogamy is not for you, otherwise it could lead to pain and hurt on the part of the other person (if you were in a monogamous rship).

For me, I hate dating multiple people. Too much work Tongue I just prefer having "my person." I also don't like having random sex with a friend because for me, I like being in love when I'm sleeping with someone. It just makes everything more intense, imo. Mostly because there's a level of trust there, you both work harder to please each other because you are so into each other, and you just get giddy thinking about the other person, so when they touch you it's like a thousand fireworks going off at once.

But that said, to each their own, I say. Everyone is different and what works for one person, doesn't work for another. I think knowing yourself and living your life based on that is the best we can all do.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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10-07-2017, 08:05 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 07:23 AM)jennybee Wrote:  For me, I hate dating multiple people. Too much work Tongue I just prefer having "my person." I also don't like having random sex with a friend because for me, I like being in love when I'm sleeping with someone. It just makes everything more intense, imo. Mostly because there's a level of trust there, you both work harder to please each other because you are so into each other, and you just get giddy thinking about the other person, so when they touch you it's like a thousand fireworks going off at once.

But that said, to each their own, I say. Everyone is different and what works for one person, doesn't work for another. I think knowing yourself and living your life based on that is the best we can all do.
Yep, I'm on the same page for that one.

Dating multiple people, I just don't have the time lol. My wife once thought I was cheating on her, many moons ago. So I said "you tell me what time of day this was, and I'll show you I was either with you or asleep" lol.

When it comes, ( Laugh out load ), to sex, having that one person you focus on is pretty much everything for me. I go into sex thinking "I want to please this person", and whilst I enjoy myself, I'm not there to sort myself out then go to sleep, it's about basically making sure the other person is "done" and THEN you can get your own release haha.

Plus you learn what the other person likes and you can experiment/build up to new things, where as with different people each time, it's basically a mine field. Guys are simple when it comes to pleasing, but knowing what pleases each individual women is CRAZY, and again I wouldn't have the time/patience to do that with more than one person at a time lol. I like to take the time and put in the effort, not just "wham-bam-Thank-you-for-the-STD-MAM" lol.

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10-07-2017, 08:14 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 08:05 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(10-07-2017 07:23 AM)jennybee Wrote:  For me, I hate dating multiple people. Too much work Tongue I just prefer having "my person." I also don't like having random sex with a friend because for me, I like being in love when I'm sleeping with someone. It just makes everything more intense, imo. Mostly because there's a level of trust there, you both work harder to please each other because you are so into each other, and you just get giddy thinking about the other person, so when they touch you it's like a thousand fireworks going off at once.

But that said, to each their own, I say. Everyone is different and what works for one person, doesn't work for another. I think knowing yourself and living your life based on that is the best we can all do.
Yep, I'm on the same page for that one.

Dating multiple people, I just don't have the time lol. My wife once thought I was cheating on her, many moons ago. So I said "you tell me what time of day this was, and I'll show you I was either with you or asleep" lol.

When it comes, ( Laugh out load ), to sex, having that one person you focus on is pretty much everything for me. I go into sex thinking "I want to please this person", and whilst I enjoy myself, I'm not there to sort myself out then go to sleep, it's about basically making sure the other person is "done" and THEN you can get your own release haha.

Plus you learn what the other person likes and you can experiment/build up to new things, where as with different people each time, it's basically a mine field. Guys are simple when it comes to pleasing, but knowing what pleases each individual women is CRAZY, and again I wouldn't have the time/patience to do that with more than one person at a time lol. I like to take the time and put in the effort, not just "wham-bam-Thank-you-for-the-STD-MAM" lol.

Well, that's the other reason I don't like random sex, I don't like the idea of getting an STD. I mean the potential still exists even in a monogamous rship, but the risk goes way down.

And you are right, each person likes different things sexually, so if you are with one person over time, you can experiment with them and go from there.

Guys are fairly simple when it comes to pleasing them sexually, I'll give you that--but even guys have their own particular things that they enjoy-what one guy might love another guy might not. Of course, I've only been with 4 guys, so I'm no expert Tongue but this is based on my own limited experience Wink

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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10-07-2017, 08:44 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 08:14 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(10-07-2017 08:05 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  Yep, I'm on the same page for that one.

Dating multiple people, I just don't have the time lol. My wife once thought I was cheating on her, many moons ago. So I said "you tell me what time of day this was, and I'll show you I was either with you or asleep" lol.

When it comes, ( Laugh out load ), to sex, having that one person you focus on is pretty much everything for me. I go into sex thinking "I want to please this person", and whilst I enjoy myself, I'm not there to sort myself out then go to sleep, it's about basically making sure the other person is "done" and THEN you can get your own release haha.

Plus you learn what the other person likes and you can experiment/build up to new things, where as with different people each time, it's basically a mine field. Guys are simple when it comes to pleasing, but knowing what pleases each individual women is CRAZY, and again I wouldn't have the time/patience to do that with more than one person at a time lol. I like to take the time and put in the effort, not just "wham-bam-Thank-you-for-the-STD-MAM" lol.

Well, that's the other reason I don't like random sex, I don't like the idea of getting an STD. I mean the potential still exists even in a monogamous rship, but the risk goes way down.

And you are right, each person likes different things sexually, so if you are with one person over time, you can experiment with them and go from there.

Guys are fairly simple when it comes to pleasing them sexually, I'll give you that--but even guys have their own particular things that they enjoy-what one guy might love another guy might not. Of course, I've only been with 4 guys, so I'm no expert Tongue but this is based on my own limited experience Wink
I've only ever been with 2 women, one of which is my wife lol. So my ideas on this stuff is probably not worth listening to Laugh out load

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10-07-2017, 09:01 AM (This post was last modified: 10-07-2017 09:22 AM by jennybee.)
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 08:44 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(10-07-2017 08:14 AM)jennybee Wrote:  Well, that's the other reason I don't like random sex, I don't like the idea of getting an STD. I mean the potential still exists even in a monogamous rship, but the risk goes way down.

And you are right, each person likes different things sexually, so if you are with one person over time, you can experiment with them and go from there.

Guys are fairly simple when it comes to pleasing them sexually, I'll give you that--but even guys have their own particular things that they enjoy-what one guy might love another guy might not. Of course, I've only been with 4 guys, so I'm no expert Tongue but this is based on my own limited experience Wink
I've only ever been with 2 women, one of which is my wife lol. So my ideas on this stuff is probably not worth listening to Laugh out load

Yeah, I can flirt with the best of them, but actual sex experience to back that up, uh that's a big fat no. Laugh out load But I do like to think I know what I'm doing because I've always enjoyed myself and I know my current and past bf's did as well. So if it feels good we must be doing something right Wink I've also dabbled in Tantric sex/Kama Sutra, but it can be hard with some of the positions if the other person is not very flexible Tongue

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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10-07-2017, 09:06 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 09:01 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(10-07-2017 08:44 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  I've only ever been with 2 women, one of which is my wife lol. So my ideas on this stuff is probably not worth listening to Laugh out load

Yeah, I can flirt with the best of them, but actual sex experience to back that up, uh that's a big fat no. Laugh out load But I do like to think I know what I'm doing because I've always enjoyed myself and I know my current and past bf's did as well. So if it feels good we must be doing something right Wink I've also dabbled in Tantric sex, but it can be hard with some of the positions if the other person is not very flexible Tongue
Drooling I mean.... Drinking Beverage Yes, very interesting. Big Grin

lol I'm the same. I'd like to think I keep my wife "satisfied" so I must be doing something right. #LowNumbersClub Cool

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10-07-2017, 11:27 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I have seen relationships where the couple are 100% committed to one another. But together they flirt, date and occasionally even sleep with a third. It's a poly-ish type relationship just with very narrow boundaries that tends to limit their field of potential partners. But, based on what I've seen it seems to work for them. I think it is more a phase than a long-term lifestyle choice for them though.

I just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now. Heart
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12-07-2017, 02:20 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(10-07-2017 07:23 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think you got to do what works for you...and it's good to know that about yourself, that monogamy is not for you, otherwise it could lead to pain and hurt on the part of the other person (if you were in a monogamous rship).

For me, I hate dating multiple people. Too much work Tongue I just prefer having "my person." I also don't like having random sex with a friend because for me, I like being in love when I'm sleeping with someone. It just makes everything more intense, imo. Mostly because there's a level of trust there, you both work harder to please each other because you are so into each other, and you just get giddy thinking about the other person, so when they touch you it's like a thousand fireworks going off at once.

But that said, to each their own, I say. Everyone is different and what works for one person, doesn't work for another. I think knowing yourself and living your life based on that is the best we can all do.

I had a guy at work approach me the other day asking for dating advice. The first words out of my mouth after he said "I have a question about dating for you" were "I am entirely the wrong person to ask.". When he went ahead and asked anyway he wanted to know how long he should wait before sex came up. I admitted to him again that my view was atypical, after having said that my question was "How long have you been dating?" to which he answered a month. I then asked and how much money have you spent to which he guessed about three hundred dollars. I asked him how much she has spent on him. Nothing. I responded with "If you've spent $300 bucks then you should break up with her.".

What blew me away was not the fact that he rejected the idea but that he was offended by the idea that I put a price tag on relationship and sex. As far as I can tell the only "advantage" to "dating" vs "friendship" is that when your dating someone you get to have sex with them. If you are dating in the traditional sense of the word then one person is paying for the privilege of having sex with the other. I honestly cannot see any difference between "traditional" dating and prostitution. Now I should state that when someone is Dutch dating I wouldn't apply the same metric, and that it is more egalitarian.
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12-07-2017, 03:58 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
If one person is spending all the money when dating then there's a major problem. Relationships are kinda finely balanced on power dynamics. I think it's far better to be straightforward about it and share costs, up until you're an item at least. And even after that. Of course what each person brings to the relationship can be different. It doesn't have to be money, but IMO the best relationship is where both people perceive they are putting in equally, whatever they're putting in. Otherwise you end up with a situation where people do feel that they're paying to use the other person, or where one person can feel obligated to the other. IMO that's not healthy.

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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