What are your views on monogamy?
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20-04-2017, 12:21 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(19-04-2017 10:43 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(19-04-2017 10:33 AM)morondog Wrote:  I would prefer to be single, to fuck and be fucked without expectation of being "the one" or belonging to someone. That's the only way I could see it work for me. Maybe others would be different.

I can understand that. Me and my husband are currently figuring out what we think about these things. I'm really just curious as to how much of my views about romance and sex are directly influenced by my religious upbringing and traditions. I definitely don't believe in "the one" even though I love my husband very much- I don't believe in destiny.

I don't really "believe in the one" either, however something like that is what I want. And since I'm the only one alive that desires that I'll remain single. Sick of people who cheat in relationships.

I could be just fine with Poly but.... It boils down to the same problem, I don't think anyone could be loyal to another person or relationship, the second they get a chance to fuck a hottie they'll do it.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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20-04-2017, 12:23 AM (This post was last modified: 20-04-2017 12:36 AM by JesseB.)
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Double post.... Can't delete for some reason....

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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20-04-2017, 12:31 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I'll admit someone would have to put in a hell of a lot of effort to ever earn my trust. It's not impossible, but.... I frankly don't think anyone could do it, let alone will.

Way's to earn my trust. Mean what you say. Honor your commitments. Don't cheat. Don't cheat being the most important one. Yup that's it, what an oh so high bar I've set.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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20-04-2017, 01:05 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(20-04-2017 12:21 AM)JesseB Wrote:  I could be just fine with Poly but.... It boils down to the same problem, I don't think anyone could be loyal to another person or relationship, the second they get a chance to fuck a hottie they'll do it.

Nah, if you love the one you're with you don't do that shit.

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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20-04-2017, 02:29 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(19-04-2017 10:19 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I think all relationships take work. For some people, it may be more work to be monogamous. Maybe "open" doesn't have to mean "multiple close and heartfelt relationships", but instead be simply flirting. Maybe there's a scale for relationships ranging from strict monogamy to "no rules" polyamory.

Indeed.

I might be from a minority group, but as a kid my parents divorced. Whilst I know a lot of others who've been through the same thing and now think marriage/relationships are worthless by proxy, I'm in the other camp. I think that to make a relationship really work, you have to give/take equally and really try to make it work. At the same time, it also taught me that nobody is "the one" and that sometimes things just don't work out, so not to worry about it regardless.

My thought process is: you give somebody your trust, and let them do as they wish. If they mess that up by cheating on you, then its over.

Possibly a side topic, but some peoples definition of cheating varies wildly I find. For me to cheat is anything from physical contact (from a kiss, up to bedroom action) to emotional involvement. The former is a bug bare of mine, as many guys I know see their girlfriends kissing other girls on nights out [which is a thing now apparently] and to me that's not ok, when you're in a relationship at least.

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20-04-2017, 08:28 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(20-04-2017 02:29 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(19-04-2017 10:19 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I think all relationships take work. For some people, it may be more work to be monogamous. Maybe "open" doesn't have to mean "multiple close and heartfelt relationships", but instead be simply flirting. Maybe there's a scale for relationships ranging from strict monogamy to "no rules" polyamory.

Indeed.

I might be from a minority group, but as a kid my parents divorced. Whilst I know a lot of others who've been through the same thing and now think marriage/relationships are worthless by proxy, I'm in the other camp. I think that to make a relationship really work, you have to give/take equally and really try to make it work. At the same time, it also taught me that nobody is "the one" and that sometimes things just don't work out, so not to worry about it regardless.

My thought process is: you give somebody your trust, and let them do as they wish. If they mess that up by cheating on you, then its over.

Possibly a side topic, but some peoples definition of cheating varies wildly I find. For me to cheat is anything from physical contact (from a kiss, up to bedroom action) to emotional involvement. The former is a bug bare of mine, as many guys I know see their girlfriends kissing other girls on nights out [which is a thing now apparently] and to me that's not ok, when you're in a relationship at least.

I know relationships that have ended because the girls wanted to fuck different people of both sexes. I think most people are under the impression that all guys would jump at the chance to see their girls with other girls and to have "permission" to be promiscuous themselves. But everyone is different.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
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20-04-2017, 08:32 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
In researching different types of relationships, I've come to realize that many people opt for open marriages to fix a deeper problem. I compare that to the "let's have a baby to fix our marriage" mentality. Not that open marriages can't work, but it certainly can put more stress on a relationship if both people don't realize what they're doing.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
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20-04-2017, 08:37 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(19-04-2017 06:51 PM)psybj Wrote:  Way's to earn my trust. Mean what you say. Honor your commitments. Don't cheat. Don't cheat being the most important one. Yup that's it, what an oh so high bar I've set.
Far too simple, but so hard for so many people.

There's an amazing amount of cheating in the military. I saw guys on deployment have a ritual where they stood in a circle, removed their wedding ring, and chanted "What she doesn't know won't hurt me."
They were ALWAYS one phone call away from a divorce. Time after time, they get caught and get nailed. OR they get the phone call from home port about what the wife was doing and took it personally.

Not every marriage considered it cheating, though. I've seen quite a few 'open' relationships. About one in ten did not get a divorce while I knew them. One couple that got divorced used to bring men or women back to the house for a threesome. The problem was that the wife drew a line, certain acts didn't bother her, certain ones did. The guy went and did things she had forbidden, right in front of her. So, essentially cheating.

If anyone's going to move to an open relationship, I'd definitely suggest extensive discussion and ground rules. What bothers you, what bothers them, what's a deal breaker, and anything 'I'll allow, but I'd rather not know about,' if there's anything in that category. The one couple I would consider having a successfully open relationship said communication was everything.

Communication and protection, maybe.


Communication, protection and lubrication...
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20-04-2017, 09:16 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(20-04-2017 01:05 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(20-04-2017 12:21 AM)JesseB Wrote:  I could be just fine with Poly but.... It boils down to the same problem, I don't think anyone could be loyal to another person or relationship, the second they get a chance to fuck a hottie they'll do it.

Nah, if you love the one you're with you don't do that shit.

I've never seen it. Not once. People seem to love the checkbook of the one's they are with, or how hot their bodies are, things like that. I've never seen an example of someone actually loving another person and choosing to be with them for life. Nor have I seen an example of someone who hasn't/wouldn't cheat. (outside of myself and that would suggest that it is possible there are others out there, however I've gotten tired of looking)

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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20-04-2017, 09:21 AM (This post was last modified: 20-04-2017 09:24 AM by JesseB.)
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(20-04-2017 08:37 AM)Missiletowe Wrote:  
(19-04-2017 06:51 PM)psybj Wrote:  Way's to earn my trust. Mean what you say. Honor your commitments. Don't cheat. Don't cheat being the most important one. Yup that's it, what an oh so high bar I've set.
Far too simple, but so hard for so many people.

There's an amazing amount of cheating in the military. I saw guys on deployment have a ritual where they stood in a circle, removed their wedding ring, and chanted "What she doesn't know won't hurt me."
They were ALWAYS one phone call away from a divorce. Time after time, they get caught and get nailed. OR they get the phone call from home port about what the wife was doing and took it personally.

Not every marriage considered it cheating, though. I've seen quite a few 'open' relationships. About one in ten did not get a divorce while I knew them. One couple that got divorced used to bring men or women back to the house for a threesome. The problem was that the wife drew a line, certain acts didn't bother her, certain ones did. The guy went and did things she had forbidden, right in front of her. So, essentially cheating.

If anyone's going to move to an open relationship, I'd definitely suggest extensive discussion and ground rules. What bothers you, what bothers them, what's a deal breaker, and anything 'I'll allow, but I'd rather not know about,' if there's anything in that category. The one couple I would consider having a successfully open relationship said communication was everything.

Communication and protection, maybe.


Communication, protection and lubrication...

To be fair their wives are out getting knocked up by other guys, then not telling their husbands the child isn't his... it plays both ways in the military.

Also.... any man that talks/acts like that better stay far the fuck away from me. Clearly they lack self respect, therefore they get nothing from me, I'd be liable to knock them the fuck out I ever hear that shit.

I had a college "buddy" who would randomly come over to my house to hide from his wife. I was too busy working on my 4.0 GPA to bother with him much, which he liked. He'd just come over and bring his xbox n borrow my TV while I was at my computer doing schoolwork. I would tell him, dude you should go home and spend some time with your kids (or wife ect) and like he just would give me this stupid blank stare. Eventually I stopped being nice to him as it became clear his other friends were taking him out to pick up chicks. Fuck that shit, his kids didn't deserve that. His wife didn't deserve that. He's a fucking pathetic piece of shit.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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