What are your views on monogamy?
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21-04-2017, 07:19 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I'm built for monogamy. It's not a moral position, for me, it's just the way I am.

(20-04-2017 09:16 AM)JesseB Wrote:  Nor have I seen an example of someone who hasn't/wouldn't cheat.

That's really not anything you could know about someone else. I've never cheated on any woman I've been with, and never would. You see, I've been cheated on, twice, and wouldn't inflict that on anyone. I'd leave first.
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21-04-2017, 08:19 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Offhand I can't imagine a scenario where I'd cheat. Admittedly, that has little to do with any ethical stance on the subject of infidelity and more to do with my selfish desire to not allow drama into my life and with the experience of having grown up with a slut of a father (not to be confused with the stepfather who raised me, whom I respect) who didn't really seem to give a shit about much of anything except finding a place to put his dick.

And, at the risk of sounding arrogant, it certainly isn't for lack of opportunity. I mean I may be a little nuts inside but I'm nonetheless a pretty nice guy most of the time, I'm in shape, I'm not unattractive, I've almost always had a well paying job, and I've been straight up offered the opportunity to cheat by girls whom I considered to be attractive and whom were well aware of my relationship status. But even in the middle of a relationship in which I've had sex a total of three times in the last 6 years, and 0 times in the last 3 years, and having little hope of anything getting better, I'm so averse to the risk of drama complicating my life that I'm dead set on remaining faithful until the day we officially call an end to our relationship. I'd rather put up with the frustration for a while and then, if and when it doesn't work out, part on good terms without any baggage attached.

That said, I'd encourage people not to confuse open relationships with infidelity. While they both involve sleeping with more than one person, they are not both inherently deceptive. There's a big difference between agreeing to be in a non-monogamous relationship and claiming to be faithful when you are not. I'm not necessarily judging in either case, just recognizing the logical difference between the two.

'Murican Canadian
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21-04-2017, 08:28 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Yak -

I'm in the same club you are. Arse of a dad, quality step-dad. [#PlusOneForTheStepDad's], I have a relationship with my father, almost the same as most brothers have instead of a proper father/son dynamic, but the way he acted when I was a kid put me off a lot of things, in a similar vain manner to yourself: Cheating/fighting/drugs, the whole nine yards.

I've also had offers, very few to be honest, but I've had them non the less, and always turned them down, as I have a wife I love, a daughter whom I also love, and as you say, I also don't want the hassle that comes with it lol.

I don't want Fop, goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man!
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21-04-2017, 09:18 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Even if I was now suddenly single and decided to only have casual sex from now on, I don't know how it would work. I've never had casual sex. I'm never in situations where it arises. Especially now, I don't hardly see any people at all as I don't have the energy/money to do much.

The only thing I could think of would be those hook-up apps. I wonder how that would work out. Judging by two separate occasions where I met up with someone after talking to them for months online and they instantly decided I was so unattractive that they dumped me (despite having recent photos of me), not very well.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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21-04-2017, 11:20 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
You expect me to handle more than one woman? That's funny right there....
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21-04-2017, 11:52 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I think in general most of us are capable of conceiving of love and sex as separate, yet often entwined, emotional and physical needs or drives. It's great when we can find someone we both love and have sex with (spouse/partner), but we don't have to love everyone we have sex with (FWB), and we don't have to have sex with everyone we love (kids, pets, and so on).

What's tricky is having one person you both love AND have sex with while either you or they are also having sex with others. I think every couple has to decide where they draw this line - traditional monogamy means no sex OR love with anybody outside the pair. The exact opposite end of the spectrum might be a situation where the pair neither loves each other NOR has sex but stays together for practical reasons while loving and having sex with other people. Between the two extremes is a whole spectrum of various activities and fantasies involving other parties and I think every couple needs to figure out their ideal place along that spectrum. I think lots of people would admit to fantasizing about someone other than their partner; the degree you pursue it beyond that is I think what defines your relationship as monogamous, poly, etc. I do think that for many couples it's possible to remain "faithful" in an emotional sense to each other while engaging in purely physical dalliances with outsiders. But obviously it's not a one-size-fits-all scenario and what might be perfectly comfortable for one couple might seem like cheating, or betrayal to another. I think in any such exploration of "alternative" arrangements, honesty about needs and wants and establishing clear rules needs to be the foundation.
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21-04-2017, 01:12 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
There are animal species that mate for life - I don't think that homo sapiens, left to its own devices, is naturally one of those species. That doesn't mean that we can't find societal advantages in monogamy and choose to pursue it or that we can't find it perfectly satisfying.
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21-04-2017, 01:23 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(21-04-2017 01:12 PM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  There are animal species that mate for life - I don't think that homo sapiens, left to its own devices, is naturally one of those species.

Among our nearest relatives, gibbons mate for life, gorillas have harems, and chimpanzees are promiscuous. Who knows what people are naturally?
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21-04-2017, 01:58 PM
What are your views on monogamy?
I just want to add one more thing to this thread. Although I don't recommend a swinging lifestyle, if you choose to do it please feel free to PM some pics to me. Wink
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21-04-2017, 03:33 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I must say, I'm pretty impressed by you monogamous atheist gentlemen. Very impressed indeed. I've know quite a few men and women who were rather....oh, shall we say.... happy to spread their seed and let their viginas be available to others at the drop of a hat. Many, if not most of them were religious.

I knew a girl in college who had sex with a few hundred men and later became a born again christian. Then she drove everyone nuts with her holier than thou routine and later condemned gay people who were having sex and dying of aids in the 80's and 90's. What a twit.

I think it's telling that atheists have lower divorce rates than theists. Sex isn't sanctified by a god or a church to an atheist. It's simply a natural part of life. I think theists get married to have sex and then realize they're not experienced and maybe go outside of the marriage to experiment with other partners. I donno. But theists seem to have an odd view of sex and monogamy.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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