What are your views on monogamy?
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25-05-2017, 08:53 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
I hate open relationships. I have no argument against them. I just don't like them the way I don't like lemon pie or icy roads.

No
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25-05-2017, 10:07 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Open relationships must be something all parties involved are agreed upon, and communication and consent are absolutely necessary in my opinion.

I'm in a monogamous relationship with my wife. She's the love of my life.

Monogamy is probably the norm for most people, I'd guess. But not everyone, and those that don't want it shouldn't be shunned or treated badly because of it- so long as they respect others' relationships and boundaries.
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25-05-2017, 11:12 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(20-04-2017 02:11 PM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  I think monogamy is most likely not the way our species is meant to mate, at least I don't think it reflects our natural desires. But from a societal standpoint, even leaving honesty and other issues of emotional attachment and morality aside, I can certainly understand the benefit of monogamy if not marriage outright. Passing on of property upon death, next of kin status, provable parentage, etc. If everybody just slept around all the time (especially going back to the days before adequate birth control) I would imagine the population would rise even faster than it already does.

So is monogamy what comes most naturally and is most in line with our desires and instincts? Probably not. I don't think at our core we're a "mate for life" species. But is is the best option in a cultural/societal sense? Quite possibly.

I echo this idea. From an evolutionary standpoint, men and women fall into two different categories. Men are hardwired to spread their seed as far and wide as possible, since that's the most effective way to ensure the maximum number of progeny (and thus genetic material) survive to reproductive age. Women don't have that option, as each offspring requires a minimum of 9m gestation, plus substantial additional time for rearing and nurturing. So, the best evolutionary strategy for women is to attached themselves to a male that can provide protection, food, etc until such time as they can reproduce again.

Obviously we have made adjustments for societal norms, but at our core biologic essence, monogamy is not to be found.

All that aside, I'm happily married for 14 years (today, actually) and have not, nor would I ever cheat on my wife. Not because I have never felt desire for someone else, but because I respect her too much to do that to her and our marriage. As far as a mutually agreed upon open relationship, I don't think that would work for either of us. Not that we are particularly jealous people, I just think it would ultimately create its own baggage that would cause problems.
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25-05-2017, 11:17 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(03-05-2017 08:52 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  
(03-05-2017 07:41 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  I once saw a girl have a proper meltdown because her boyfriend had watched some porn or something. There is a debate to be had, but I don't think it was the right reaction on her part.

I'm always cheating on the girl I'm with with my Gwynnies, so I can't have a girl. Can't have Gwyneth either. That girl is complicated. Laugh out load

I'm sure there's a backstory here, but I admit I'm helpless lost at deciphering what this means GaspSadcryfaceConsider
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25-05-2017, 12:22 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(25-05-2017 11:17 AM)Stefan Mayerschoff Wrote:  
(03-05-2017 08:52 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  I'm always cheating on the girl I'm with with my Gwynnies, so I can't have a girl. Can't have Gwyneth either. That girl is complicated. Laugh out load

I'm sure there's a backstory here, but I admit I'm helpless lost at deciphering what this means GaspSadcryfaceConsider

LOL Gwyneth is his religion, she is his goddess. Can't say I blame him either, she's quite something.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
Big Grin
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25-05-2017, 12:33 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(19-04-2017 09:56 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  I'd like to hear your views on monogamy...

I actually prefer Walnut, or a nice French-polished Rosewood.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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24-06-2017, 05:19 AM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Incomprehensible. Literally i don't understand it and never have.
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24-06-2017, 07:52 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
No issue with it.
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24-06-2017, 10:11 PM
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
Went into an open marriage in 1976 which lasted a couple years. Really the nature of the relationship was no more a problem than the choice of partner. I was probably the stronger advocate of going for it going into it. But I really didn't like it. How does anyone ever make a good choice for themselves in their early twenties? I didn't. Fortunately the openness of the relationship drove us apart sooner than it might have been otherwise.

I'm very happy with my second -traditional- marriage, going on 34 years now. Did a lot of exploring and growing in between which really made that possible.

It seems to work for some but just because it appeals to you in the abstract doesn't mean it will feel right to you in reality.

“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”

― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
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24-06-2017, 10:12 PM (This post was last modified: 24-06-2017 10:16 PM by RocketSurgeon76.)
RE: What are your views on monogamy?
(25-05-2017 11:12 AM)Stefan Mayerschoff Wrote:  I echo this idea. From an evolutionary standpoint, men and women fall into two different categories. Men are hardwired to spread their seed as far and wide as possible, since that's the most effective way to ensure the maximum number of progeny (and thus genetic material) survive to reproductive age. Women don't have that option, as each offspring requires a minimum of 9m gestation, plus substantial additional time for rearing and nurturing. So, the best evolutionary strategy for women is to attached themselves to a male that can provide protection, food, etc until such time as they can reproduce again.

Obviously we have made adjustments for societal norms, but at our core biologic essence, monogamy is not to be found.

All that aside, I'm happily married for 14 years (today, actually) and have not, nor would I ever cheat on my wife. Not because I have never felt desire for someone else, but because I respect her too much to do that to her and our marriage. As far as a mutually agreed upon open relationship, I don't think that would work for either of us. Not that we are particularly jealous people, I just think it would ultimately create its own baggage that would cause problems.

What you say here is only partly true. Men are capable of "spread[ing] their seed far and wide", but that doesn't automatically make it a good reproductive strategy, compared to monogamy and raising one woman's children in a (relatively) stable environment with full family/resource support. [Edit: That's because we're a social species, in which both resource availability and the status that comes with these resources and positions in the society matter, in terms of outcome, both on an evolutionary survival and social/reproductive success measure for offspring produced in those situations.] Likewise, women are capable of having children by multiple fathers, serially, but that isn't necessarily the best reproductive strategy, either, and for the same reason.

Humans have a clear past in non-monogamy, as evidenced by several things which include "killer/blocker sperm" designed to compete with other male sperm already present in the female reproductive system, as well as the "mushroom shaped" glans, which acts to "scoop out" previous competitor's contributions. Likely, at some point in our past, we were more like chimpanzees or bonobos, in our approach to mating.

Early in our evolutionary history, it appears, when we first began pairing up at all, a system developed that rewarded us with dopamine, the same hormone we get from a great meal or, say, cocaine, when we became infatuated with a person. This "wild, romantic love" phase has been found to last about four years (commonly called the "seven year itch", it actually turned out to be shorter, in research on the subject), which is just enough time for a couple to fall in love, make/have a child together, raise it until it can survive with just one parent's care, and then the couple "drifts apart" to find new opportunities. This was the beginning of our path to monogamy, and for many people and relationships, this "wild love and then drifting apart" pattern is the norm.

But we have evolved significantly as a social and pair-bonding species. Studies have shown that people in long term relationships are capable of renewing the "lizard brain level" (as I call it) testosterone-lust system and the dopamine-reward "infatuation" centers of the brain based on a third system-- based on vasopresin in men and oxytosin in women-- that "re-triggers" the other two systems when seeing even a picture of their mate. This tertiary bonding is not highly active in all men (or women), and it turns out that roughly half the species is monogamous, while the other half is not. Men are slightly less likely to be monogamous than women, but it's still close to 50/50 in both sexes.

In short, we're in a "transitional phase" away from a non-monogamous evolutionary past, and some of us still don't have systems that make us happier, long term, in a committed relationship. That's fine. The only real issue comes when we start calling monogamy "the norm" and shaming people into joining into long term pair bonding relationships for cultural reasons, when they're just not suited to it. We should say that both monogamy and polyamory are norms, and that part of normal sexual development is to figure out into which camp you personally belong. Smile

Me, I'm a monogamist. *shrug*

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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