What do you do
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09-07-2014, 03:36 AM
What do you do
When the person you love whole heatedly has a completely different view of the world. He grew up catholic me a Mormon. He's agnostic I'm pretty staunch atheist. Religion wise there is no feud. But he is a Fox News watching conservative and I'm just on the fence. Social issues affect my heart and he thinks they are just there to "distract us from the big picture". For example, I recorded a documentary about prop 8 and he asked why. I told him I was interested in it but didn't really want to watch it with him. He played it anyways and while I'm holding back tears foe the two couples affected by hate and discrimination he is shaking his head and laughing. His nonchalant response angered me and we get into a huge fight fueled by my lack of understanding of his ability to completely not only feel nothing but put his head in the sand for what this group of people are going through. I sAid some awful things to him about being disgusted with him and then shut down. I ended up apologizing because I can't see straight when I'm upset let alone form an intelligent thought so I just lash out. This man is my past ,present,and future. We got engaged on Xmas so I'm trying to figure this out, but sometimes his arrogant ignorant bliss just sickens me.

Life is short and hard like a body building elf-- Blood Hound Gang
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09-07-2014, 03:44 AM
RE: What do you do
(09-07-2014 03:36 AM)k37713 Wrote:  When the person you love whole heatedly has a completely different view of the world. He grew up catholic me a Mormon. He's agnostic I'm pretty staunch atheist. Religion wise there is no feud. But he is a Fox News watching conservative and I'm just on the fence. Social issues affect my heart and he thinks they are just there to "distract us from the big picture". For example, I recorded a documentary about prop 8 and he asked why. I told him I was interested in it but didn't really want to watch it with him. He played it anyways and while I'm holding back tears foe the two couples affected by hate and discrimination he is shaking his head and laughing. His nonchalant response angered me and we get into a huge fight fueled by my lack of understanding of his ability to completely not only feel nothing but put his head in the sand for what this group of people are going through. I sAid some awful things to him about being disgusted with him and then shut down. I ended up apologizing because I can't see straight when I'm upset let alone form an intelligent thought so I just lash out. This man is my past ,present,and future. We got engaged on Xmas so I'm trying to figure this out, but sometimes his arrogant ignorant bliss just sickens me.

Just wow. Let me not mince words, there is a chasm between the two of you, I don't think you will ever think like him and the question you have to ask yourself is, can I change his way of thinking and if not, can I overlook it?

Tough situation but the sooner you come to grips with it the better for you.

Best of luck.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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09-07-2014, 04:12 AM
RE: What do you do
This is one paragraph of what bothers me but I have 15 pages of what I love about him..my desire is not to change him but to learn to find some middle ground where I can justify in my mind his indecent dismissal of something that tears me apart. I'm finding fault in myself by looking over it but I love him so much I don't know what else to do.

Life is short and hard like a body building elf-- Blood Hound Gang
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09-07-2014, 04:22 AM
RE: What do you do
(09-07-2014 03:36 AM)k37713 Wrote:  When the person you love whole heatedly has a completely different view of the world. He grew up catholic me a Mormon. He's agnostic I'm pretty staunch atheist. Religion wise there is no feud. But he is a Fox News watching conservative and I'm just on the fence. Social issues affect my heart and he thinks they are just there to "distract us from the big picture". For example, I recorded a documentary about prop 8 and he asked why. I told him I was interested in it but didn't really want to watch it with him. He played it anyways and while I'm holding back tears foe the two couples affected by hate and discrimination he is shaking his head and laughing. His nonchalant response angered me and we get into a huge fight fueled by my lack of understanding of his ability to completely not only feel nothing but put his head in the sand for what this group of people are going through. I sAid some awful things to him about being disgusted with him and then shut down. I ended up apologizing because I can't see straight when I'm upset let alone form an intelligent thought so I just lash out. This man is my past ,present,and future. We got engaged on Xmas so I'm trying to figure this out, but sometimes his arrogant ignorant bliss just sickens me.

I'm just wondering what you love about this guy. It's not that I see him as a terrible person, I just don't understand where you two connect with such differences.

Your future will only get increasingly harder.

Time is so valuable. Don't waste it!

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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09-07-2014, 04:30 AM
RE: What do you do
Despite this huge obstacle.. He is definitely my man. Like I said above there isn't enough room to tell you or the need to justify why I love him very dearly. Leaving is not an option.. I just don't know how to bury this without self resent.

Life is short and hard like a body building elf-- Blood Hound Gang
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09-07-2014, 04:34 AM
RE: What do you do
And btw dee I didn't mean that rudely or defensively I appreciate your response!

Life is short and hard like a body building elf-- Blood Hound Gang
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09-07-2014, 04:35 AM
RE: What do you do
(09-07-2014 04:30 AM)k37713 Wrote:  Despite this huge obstacle.. He is definitely my man. Like I said above there isn't enough room to tell you or the need to justify why I love him very dearly. Leaving is not an option.. I just don't know how to bury this without self resent.

Resentment, anger, and hurt are signs of self protection--warning signs.

The very best to you.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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09-07-2014, 04:50 AM
RE: What do you do
(09-07-2014 04:34 AM)k37713 Wrote:  And btw dee I didn't mean that rudely or defensively I appreciate your response!

I didn't take it like that at all. We're good.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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09-07-2014, 05:26 AM
RE: What do you do
(09-07-2014 04:30 AM)k37713 Wrote:  Despite this huge obstacle.. He is definitely my man. Like I said above there isn't enough room to tell you or the need to justify why I love him very dearly. Leaving is not an option.. I just don't know how to bury this without self resent.

It seems you've already made up your mind, you want to find a way to keep the good parts and hide from the bad.
It's just two choices, stay and deal with your differences the best you can.
Leave because you can't deal with those differences.
What you're asking is something only you can answer.
Good luck, I hope you figure it out.
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09-07-2014, 05:39 AM
RE: What do you do
Here's a thought experiment which you could try - picture yourself getting a divorce after you married the man. Now write down the reasons why you divorced him...

It's a trick I picked up from a software book somewhere - they reckon do it for your software projects. As in, everyone always wants to be optimistic and think that their projects are gonna succeed (even experts commonly overestimate their abilities), so the idea is: picture failure. Picture everything going completely pear shaped. Then figure out why it went pear shaped (hypothetically). It can help you to identify problem areas that need resolution...

In life as in software...

Um yeah. It might be a bit of a negative way to look at it, in fact as I was typing this I realised that despite reading about this and thinking 'neato, really cool idea', I've never actually done it, even for the project I'm currently on...

Reasons why my project failed... too much time on TTA Weeping

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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