What do you worry about?
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14-08-2015, 03:01 AM (This post was last modified: 14-08-2015 03:07 AM by Banjo.)
RE: What do you worry about?
(14-08-2015 02:16 AM)Philanthropic Misanthrope Wrote:  My mother has had cancer for over five years now and the insurance company denied a drug known to treat her kind of cancer, so we're hoping to get her on some trial soon (at least her tumor is stable and in a slow remission though) But I still worry about her emotional well-being. I feel like I caused the growth of her tumor because we never had a good relationship, and neither did she and my dad, or my brother. We've hardly been on speaking terms until about two years ago. I still don't feel natural talking to her, maybe because there's no good foundation, trying to blot out 20 years of anger toward each other. What I have kept in mind is that she's still a good person who cares about what's going on in the world, and she deserves to be happy now. Recently, we briefly mentioned it at a restaurant. I apologized for causing her so much trouble and she said that she understands this is the kind of thing parents have to be prepared for, and realizes she probably also caused me a lot of stress. Maybe we should discuss it in a more quiet setting, though. Otherwise, she's kind of hanging in there. Pain meds sometimes ruin her plans to go see friends, and it's already hard enough for her to reach out to other people. I think I'm going to have to start coordinating gatherings, with her permission of course. She needs someone to give her a ride anyway, so I may as well also do the planning.

Other than that... The politics in America, my own creeping health problems, always worrying about the safety of my loved ones, successfully landing a good career after I graduate college, the state of the whole world, my issues interacting with people (bad social anxiety, though nowadays it's mostly just bad communication skills due to years of social anxiety) and how that can destroy my chances of getting (or keeping) a good job unless I shape up soon, plus I'm also bad at reaching out to my friends but I'm trying to get better at that.

I...did not intend to write so much. When I wrote about my mother, I just kept on writing... It's okay if I don't get a response, I just wanted to get this off my chest, get the rant out there somewhere.

I fully understand, not just the cancer but also your mum being ill. When I was 15 I returned home from working in the bush to nurse my mum through MS. Horrible disease.

It gets to you when a loved one is so ill. I tried and tried to save her..... I failed. Long story.

You. First of all you did not cause your mum's tumour. Cancer is apparently totally random. I have spoken to many oncologists over the past year. It is nobody's fault. Especially NOT yours. The child she loves caused her cancer? She'd be right pissed at you if she thought you thought that, I'll bet!

Too bad about your country's health care system. It's like the third world over there and sadly it seems nothing can be done. Many Americans seem to think universal health care is a Commie plot. Fucking morons. There's nothing else to say.

Yes she deserves to be happy. And so do you. I went through ten years nursing my mum while trying to juggle two careers. For a while my days were like this:
Wake up at 5am and go for a 5 kilometer jog. Come home, shower, get ready for a shitty day job, wake mum up and give her breakfast. Sit her in her chair in front of the TV.

10 am was morning tea. I'd race home and take her to the toilet and race back to work. 12 was 30 min's for lunch where I'd race home and feed her. Back to work. Knock off at 3.30 knock off, Take her to the toilet. Cook for her. Then try to get in an hour drum practice and race off to martial arts class. Some days I had rehearsals or gig or fights when I earned a bit of extra cash in the ring.

Mum lived until she was 68. She eventually had a fall and had to live in a home. After ten years of this I was a wreck. I used to play on TV, sign autographs and then go home to the stench of the illness and put mum to bed. Then aged 50 I get told I likely have 8 weeks to live because of cancer.

But this is not about me. You must remember that your life is also important. You must try to take care of yourself so that you can be there when needed.

I dunno about ritual gatherings of friends. That all sounds a bit morbid to me. She is in remission. Better to celebrate that I think. Just quietly ask her friends to pop over once in a while.

But beware. People change around illness and can become distant. It has happened to me. One of my best friends has not contacted me since I fell ill. This also happened to mum.

Pain sucks and is likely the hardest trial she is going through. There is no real advice I can give. I suffer severe chronic pain 24/7. Keeps me awake at night. Affects my walking now and I must use a cane since the cancer took hold. I just have to get on with it. As does your mum.

Life is a strange thing. Some people get lucky and live to an old age without a problem and die in their sleep. It's just random chance. We just have to deal with it.

Asking for help is tough. I too have a hard time with it. I am afraid to ask in case I run out of good will. So I save it all up. Sadly I have no advice for you with this.

Just try your best to look after yourself. I know it is hard, but you are in college and your life is before you. You have to be selfish somewhat. It's how the damned world seems to work.

I don't even know what I am saying now. Just rambling.....

Good luck with everything. Dale

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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14-08-2015, 10:18 AM
RE: What do you worry about?
I used to worry about my wife's breast cancer returning [it hasn't and it's been 5.5 years]; I worried about my kids and my grandson's health and welfare; I worried about global warming; I worried about the USA starting more wars; and, I worried about a whole bunch of other things. Then, I realized that the things I worried about were beyond my control and my real worry was that I couldn't control most things. I realized that worry was seriously and adversely affecting my quality of life and it would be best if I just let things unfold as they will.
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14-08-2015, 10:23 AM
RE: What do you worry about?
With my OCD, I pretty much worry about everything. Sad

Probably the things that concern me the most are antibiotic-resistant bacteria, the loss of many natural habitats, the possible extinction of multiple species of megafauna, the growing lack of empathy in society, and the increase in ignorant people.

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14-08-2015, 12:41 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
(13-08-2015 07:35 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(13-08-2015 11:50 AM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  I remember when I was a child in school, being worried because they were telling us the world would be out of gas and oil within 20 years, and then the apocalypse would descend upon us all...anarchy will rule and people will be killing each other and starving...40 years later, gas is $2.35USD a gallon...and the world is still here, albeit more dangerous, and more violent then ever.





What do I worry about?

1. Getting to and from the hospital.

2. My brother, who has just developed Bell's Palsy three days ago.

3. I worry that his worrying about me and causing him stress brought it on. I asked at the hospital and they said stress is believed to be a key factor. Sad

4. I'm worried I wont survive my cancer, but not that much surprisingly. Because I reckon I will beat it. Even though it constantly kicks my arse.

5. I was asked to sit in with a really good band on percussion next week. Just light stuff like shakers, bongos, tambourine etc. Anyway today I awoke to a text asking me to switch to drums. I am worried I may not be strong enough to pull it off. Playing stuff like Tower of power, seen in the clip above. And I've not played kit in a year. Confused

6. I just had a phone call from my specialist bringing forward our meeting. I had some tests yesterday. Usually when they do this it is bad news. But who knows, it could be good news! Unsure

7. I am concerned about the rise of religious fundamentalism. Especially with the Muslims. But then I realise that for all history religion has been here and the human race remains. It's just a shame that so many want to turn the clock back several hundred years. It's like being Charlton Heston at the end of The planet of the apes.

8. I worry about (a) not seeing my niece grow up, and (b) not seeing any of my wonderful student, Taso's career. I at least want to hear his first album!

9. I am really worried about Taso. When soon after he heard I was so ill, he burst into tears at school in class, ran out and locked himself in the music room. It took them two hours to coax him out with the help of his mother. We're that close. Were we the same age we'd be best of mates. I have plenty of fine students but this kid will go on to greatness.

10. I always worry America will cause a full blown world war. That country is way too aggressive and warlike. And much of the population seems crazy in their attitude to guns. Pure madness.

11. I am concerned about my income since not working in so long and having been self employed. I only buy food and pay bills. Never do anything for myself. The internet is fine.

12. I am most concerned about my career. I and a student once worked out how many hours I had spent practicing music. We came up with a figure of 90,000 hours! No joke. Add to this the time I spent practicing martial arts, where I am qualified in several styles, and I wonder if I've wasted my life?

Actually my worry is all kind of mild. I am a happy go lucky person at heart and if something happens, it happens. Random events like car crashes and the like are not really worth my time. It's like worrying about an earthquake or tsunami.


Oh well there's no point worrying. Smile

Re: Number 11--we can set up a Go Fund Me site for you Thumbsup
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15-08-2015, 12:44 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
(14-08-2015 03:01 AM)Banjo Wrote:  
(14-08-2015 02:16 AM)Philanthropic Misanthrope Wrote:  My mother has had cancer for over five years now and the insurance company denied a drug known to treat her kind of cancer, so we're hoping to get her on some trial soon (at least her tumor is stable and in a slow remission though) But I still worry about her emotional well-being. I feel like I caused the growth of her tumor because we never had a good relationship, and neither did she and my dad, or my brother. We've hardly been on speaking terms until about two years ago. I still don't feel natural talking to her, maybe because there's no good foundation, trying to blot out 20 years of anger toward each other. What I have kept in mind is that she's still a good person who cares about what's going on in the world, and she deserves to be happy now. Recently, we briefly mentioned it at a restaurant. I apologized for causing her so much trouble and she said that she understands this is the kind of thing parents have to be prepared for, and realizes she probably also caused me a lot of stress. Maybe we should discuss it in a more quiet setting, though. Otherwise, she's kind of hanging in there. Pain meds sometimes ruin her plans to go see friends, and it's already hard enough for her to reach out to other people. I think I'm going to have to start coordinating gatherings, with her permission of course. She needs someone to give her a ride anyway, so I may as well also do the planning.

Other than that... The politics in America, my own creeping health problems, always worrying about the safety of my loved ones, successfully landing a good career after I graduate college, the state of the whole world, my issues interacting with people (bad social anxiety, though nowadays it's mostly just bad communication skills due to years of social anxiety) and how that can destroy my chances of getting (or keeping) a good job unless I shape up soon, plus I'm also bad at reaching out to my friends but I'm trying to get better at that.

I...did not intend to write so much. When I wrote about my mother, I just kept on writing... It's okay if I don't get a response, I just wanted to get this off my chest, get the rant out there somewhere.

I fully understand, not just the cancer but also your mum being ill. When I was 15 I returned home from working in the bush to nurse my mum through MS. Horrible disease.

It gets to you when a loved one is so ill. I tried and tried to save her..... I failed. Long story.

You. First of all you did not cause your mum's tumour. Cancer is apparently totally random. I have spoken to many oncologists over the past year. It is nobody's fault. Especially NOT yours. The child she loves caused her cancer? She'd be right pissed at you if she thought you thought that, I'll bet!

Too bad about your country's health care system. It's like the third world over there and sadly it seems nothing can be done. Many Americans seem to think universal health care is a Commie plot. Fucking morons. There's nothing else to say.

Yes she deserves to be happy. And so do you. I went through ten years nursing my mum while trying to juggle two careers. For a while my days were like this:
Wake up at 5am and go for a 5 kilometer jog. Come home, shower, get ready for a shitty day job, wake mum up and give her breakfast. Sit her in her chair in front of the TV.

10 am was morning tea. I'd race home and take her to the toilet and race back to work. 12 was 30 min's for lunch where I'd race home and feed her. Back to work. Knock off at 3.30 knock off, Take her to the toilet. Cook for her. Then try to get in an hour drum practice and race off to martial arts class. Some days I had rehearsals or gig or fights when I earned a bit of extra cash in the ring.

Mum lived until she was 68. She eventually had a fall and had to live in a home. After ten years of this I was a wreck. I used to play on TV, sign autographs and then go home to the stench of the illness and put mum to bed. Then aged 50 I get told I likely have 8 weeks to live because of cancer.

But this is not about me. You must remember that your life is also important. You must try to take care of yourself so that you can be there when needed.

I dunno about ritual gatherings of friends. That all sounds a bit morbid to me. She is in remission. Better to celebrate that I think. Just quietly ask her friends to pop over once in a while.

But beware. People change around illness and can become distant. It has happened to me. One of my best friends has not contacted me since I fell ill. This also happened to mum.

Pain sucks and is likely the hardest trial she is going through. There is no real advice I can give. I suffer severe chronic pain 24/7. Keeps me awake at night. Affects my walking now and I must use a cane since the cancer took hold. I just have to get on with it. As does your mum.

Life is a strange thing. Some people get lucky and live to an old age without a problem and die in their sleep. It's just random chance. We just have to deal with it.

Asking for help is tough. I too have a hard time with it. I am afraid to ask in case I run out of good will. So I save it all up. Sadly I have no advice for you with this.

Just try your best to look after yourself. I know it is hard, but you are in college and your life is before you. You have to be selfish somewhat. It's how the damned world seems to work.

I don't even know what I am saying now. Just rambling.....

Good luck with everything. Dale

Your kindness is amazing. I'm sorry to hear what happened to your mother. That sounds like an insane ordeal for you both.

Thank you for your kind words. It has bothered me for a while that all the frustration and stress she's had over the years accumulated and I was part of that stress. The women on her side seem to be prone to tumors and cancer Confused

I know what you mean by having to be a little selfish, it's probably essential to self-preservation. We just have to not lose touch of our selfless side as well.

I too wish you good luck, and that you feel less pain. I hope you beat your cancer to a pulp soon!

P.S. Sorry if I'm kind of brief or word things weird...I've been dosing off at the computer due to getting less sleep myself Rolleyes
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15-08-2015, 05:07 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
(14-08-2015 12:41 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(13-08-2015 07:35 PM)Banjo Wrote:  



What do I worry about?

1. Getting to and from the hospital.

2. My brother, who has just developed Bell's Palsy three days ago.

3. I worry that his worrying about me and causing him stress brought it on. I asked at the hospital and they said stress is believed to be a key factor. Sad

4. I'm worried I wont survive my cancer, but not that much surprisingly. Because I reckon I will beat it. Even though it constantly kicks my arse.

5. I was asked to sit in with a really good band on percussion next week. Just light stuff like shakers, bongos, tambourine etc. Anyway today I awoke to a text asking me to switch to drums. I am worried I may not be strong enough to pull it off. Playing stuff like Tower of power, seen in the clip above. And I've not played kit in a year. Confused

6. I just had a phone call from my specialist bringing forward our meeting. I had some tests yesterday. Usually when they do this it is bad news. But who knows, it could be good news! Unsure

7. I am concerned about the rise of religious fundamentalism. Especially with the Muslims. But then I realise that for all history religion has been here and the human race remains. It's just a shame that so many want to turn the clock back several hundred years. It's like being Charlton Heston at the end of The planet of the apes.

8. I worry about (a) not seeing my niece grow up, and (b) not seeing any of my wonderful student, Taso's career. I at least want to hear his first album!

9. I am really worried about Taso. When soon after he heard I was so ill, he burst into tears at school in class, ran out and locked himself in the music room. It took them two hours to coax him out with the help of his mother. We're that close. Were we the same age we'd be best of mates. I have plenty of fine students but this kid will go on to greatness.

10. I always worry America will cause a full blown world war. That country is way too aggressive and warlike. And much of the population seems crazy in their attitude to guns. Pure madness.

11. I am concerned about my income since not working in so long and having been self employed. I only buy food and pay bills. Never do anything for myself. The internet is fine.

12. I am most concerned about my career. I and a student once worked out how many hours I had spent practicing music. We came up with a figure of 90,000 hours! No joke. Add to this the time I spent practicing martial arts, where I am qualified in several styles, and I wonder if I've wasted my life?

Actually my worry is all kind of mild. I am a happy go lucky person at heart and if something happens, it happens. Random events like car crashes and the like are not really worth my time. It's like worrying about an earthquake or tsunami.


Oh well there's no point worrying. Smile

Re: Number 11--we can set up a Go Fund Me site for you Thumbsup

Yes, Jennybee. That's a wonderful idea. If Banjo needs some help maybe we could set that up.

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15-08-2015, 05:38 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
I'll be okay guys. I am staying home most days using the internet to entertain myself. Save your money please.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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15-08-2015, 06:02 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
(15-08-2015 05:38 PM)Banjo Wrote:  I'll be okay guys. I am staying home most days using the internet to entertain myself. Save your money please.

Okay Wink But, if you change your mind will you please let us know? I think a lot of us would like to do that for you. Heart
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15-08-2015, 06:12 PM
RE: What do you worry about?
(13-08-2015 11:50 AM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  Sometimes I regret having had children...to knowingly, and willfully bring children into this fucked up violent world which is riddled with ever increasing terrorists, religious idiots who use their beliefs as a causal for influencing laws, dipshits who hate the government so decide to do a mass shooting...seems to be everyday in the news...just all of the negative crap we deal with now in society, makes the options and outlook for a safe, secure and happy life for my children, and perhaps their children a dismal affair. there are no guarantees in life of course, it could be the quintessential 1950s and they has stress and worry as well.

I remember when I was a child in school, being worried because they were telling us the world would be out of gas and oil within 20 years, and then the apocalypse would descend upon us all...anarchy will rule and people will be killing each other and starving...40 years later, gas is $2.35USD a gallon...and the world is still here, albeit more dangerous, and more violent then ever.

So as screwed up as it sounds, I love my children completely, but when I look in their smiling faces I feel a bit of regret, for their future is uncertain, and the dangers and violence these days is seemingly growing out of control. I blame myself for anything bad that happens or will happen to them, as it wouldn't if I hadn't help bring them into this world.

But then again, you gotta shake it off and say there is also much happiness, joy, love, inspiration and wonder in our world, why deny them that?

For me, I worry about my looming transition from the military after 30 years into the civilian sector, complicated further by the fact we are moving to be close to my inlaws, which is backwoods fucking Tennessee, where you can't sling a dead cat without hitting a church.....joy. I have also had more injuries this year than in my entire life combined, and this worries me as well.

But meh, life is good, live it...make every day count. I fight my natural pessimism everyday....I don't want to be THAT guy..."get outa my yard!"....lol

This. Minus the military part.

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15-08-2015, 06:14 PM
RE: What do you worry about?



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