What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
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20-03-2012, 01:34 PM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
(20-03-2012 01:03 PM)Dom Wrote:  Never having much bothered with the bible since I was a kid, I am grateful to you guys who have. Saves me a lot of time and - boredom. With the exception of the occasional - "Whoa, look at that shit" I find it just too boring to spend the time.

So, thanks to all the atheists who actually spent the time on this. Shy

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20-03-2012, 05:41 PM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
I've been thinking about the following that I found on the website Theo has told the forum about...
"You see, some very generous friends of the ministry have again stepped forward with a matching gift. From now through March 31st, every dollar you and others give to Back to the Bible--up to $150,000--will be matched with another dollar!"

I would be willing to bet they are lying! They tell people that if they give a dollar some anonymous benefactor will throw in another dollar. What bullshit!

This reveals their modus operandi...lie to people so as to milk them of cash. That is inexcusable from people preaching morality.
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20-03-2012, 08:14 PM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
Revelation 7:2-4. "And I saw another angel ascending from the east, having the seal of the living God: and he cried with a loud voice to the four angels, to whom it was given to hurt the earth and the sea, Saying, Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads. And I heard the number of them which were sealed: and there were sealed an hundred and forty and four thousand of all the tribes of the children of Israel."

This is a fascinating passage, because it's the only place in the NT where "the children of Israel" as portrayed in a positive light, in stark contrast to relentless anti-Semitism of the rest of it. So, only 144,000 Jews get to go to heaven.

I understand that Elaine Pagels' new book on Revelation argues that it's just a Christian redaction of what was originally a Jewish apocalypse. So that would make sense. Clement and the boys just ripped off a book from the local synagogue and pasted Jesus's name all over it.

Revelation 14:1-5. "And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sion, and with him an hundred forty and four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder: and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps: And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders: and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth. These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God."

Oh, thanks for clarification, John of Patmos. Not simply "children of Israel" get to go to heaven -- actually, only 144,000 male virgin Jews get to go to the happy place when they die. Thanks. That excludes about 100% of Christianity since the 2nd Century AD.

Once in heaven, the male virgins attend the "wedding of the Lamb" in which they are made "the brides of Christ." And people say that Christianity is anti-gay? That is the gayest imagery found in any holy book. Conjures up pictures of a buff, naked Jesus in heaven consummating his "wedding" with his male virgins over the course of 144,000 hot, steamy nights.
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21-03-2012, 01:20 PM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
(20-03-2012 08:14 PM)Blood Wrote:  Once in heaven, the male virgins attend the "wedding of the Lamb" in which they are made "the brides of Christ." And people say that Christianity is anti-gay? That is the gayest imagery found in any holy book. Conjures up pictures of a buff, naked Jesus in heaven consummating his "wedding" with his male virgins over the course of 144,000 hot, steamy nights.

hahahaa I remember trying NOT to imagine that scene when I was catholic: God could punish me for having such dirty thoughts and images in my head.

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03-04-2012, 06:50 AM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
Bloody hell Theo!

You introduce this wonderful topic, get us all excited, and just when we're about to have everything revealed.....nothing!

You haven't gone to....um....heaven, have you?
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03-04-2012, 07:43 AM
RE: What does the Bible actually teach about heaven?
Theo's a guerilla fighter these days - pounces from the shadows, makes some random comment then hies him off at high speed before our parting gifts of rotten vegetables can touch him Tongue
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