What's wrong with me?
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14-07-2014, 12:57 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(14-07-2014 12:36 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  Perhaps this won't be a popular view, but I'm going to present it anyway.

When it comes to cutting, I don't personally see what the big deal is. Are you cutting to alleviate emotional pain? To make yourself feel in control for a little while? Because you simply like it?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I have to ask…why stop? I know cutters, and they do it for different reasons. One chick does it because she hates herself and wants to damage her body out of spite. Another does it because she feels powerless and the blade is the only thing she feels she can control about her own pain. Yet another does it simply because she enjoys seeing flesh part and blood flow forth.

People tend to look at cutting as an "Oh god no!" sort of activity because it's physical damage being inflicted upon our bodies, and this goes against our basic survival instincts. They see someone being hurt - or they're hurt themselves - and they want to make it stop out of fear that the life in question might be in mortal danger. But this is an instinctive reaction and not a logical one. People pierce ears or get tattoos or other body modifications all the time and few people bat an eye. The difference with cutting is that it is unconventional, crude and, often times, dangerous.

Personally, I say that if you do it for reasons that are not unhealthy (meaning: not based in emotional torment and you're being safe so as not to accidentally kill yourself), there is little reason to stop unless you truly want to. And if you truly do want to, I recommend tackling whatever adverse emotional conditions are causing you to do it in the first place. It's not the cutting that's the problem. It's the thing that's causing the cutting that's the problem. Just like with me. It's not the beer that's the problem. I love beer. Beer is tasty and a fun hobby and it makes me feel good. It's the fucked up emotional circumstances that surround my excessive consumption that are the problem. Fix the negative circumstances and I can enjoy beer like anyone else without feeling that I'm devoted to it.

If you don't like to cut, but find yourself doing it anyway, then you need to address why.

If you were a professional Misanthropic, you would know that self harm is always serious and not healthy, always a sign of someone in deep pain.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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15-07-2014, 12:03 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
I was thinking and in a way I feel inferior because most cutters are females, and I'm male and cut myself. It's strange but In a way I feel like a lesser species even though I know I'm a human I feel like I don't belong, I feel alone and kinda lost with a broken heart
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15-07-2014, 04:53 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(15-07-2014 12:03 AM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I was thinking and in a way I feel inferior because most cutters are females, and I'm male and cut myself. It's strange but In a way I feel like a lesser species even though I know I'm a human I feel like I don't belong, I feel alone and kinda lost with a broken heart

Why do you believe most cutters are females? I know very few things that mostly women do. Regardless, that doesn't mean you're inferior.
I've done and do things people say are "feminine" or whatever. I usually ask them to define "feminine" for me, and that's only if I don't ignore them outright. If they do manage to put forth a definition of the term, it's always irrelevant, due to being highly subjective. Even if a consistent definition existed, doing things that women usually do doesn't make one inferior. I've met many women. A lot of them are awesome. Sure, some are complete bitches, but that applies to men as well. No gender is intrinsically all-around superior. The only reason differences may exist is due to social conditioning. If there was no social conditioning, men and women would become even more similar, psychologically speaking, than they are now.
You are not inferior.

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
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15-07-2014, 07:26 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(14-07-2014 12:36 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  Perhaps this won't be a popular view, but I'm going to present it anyway.

When it comes to cutting, I don't personally see what the big deal is. Are you cutting to alleviate emotional pain? To make yourself feel in control for a little while? Because you simply like it?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I have to ask…why stop? I know cutters, and they do it for different reasons. One chick does it because she hates herself and wants to damage her body out of spite. Another does it because she feels powerless and the blade is the only thing she feels she can control about her own pain. Yet another does it simply because she enjoys seeing flesh part and blood flow forth.

People tend to look at cutting as an "Oh god no!" sort of activity because it's physical damage being inflicted upon our bodies, and this goes against our basic survival instincts. They see someone being hurt - or they're hurt themselves - and they want to make it stop out of fear that the life in question might be in mortal danger. But this is an instinctive reaction and not a logical one. People pierce ears or get tattoos or other body modifications all the time and few people bat an eye. The difference with cutting is that it is unconventional, crude and, often times, dangerous.

Personally, I say that if you do it for reasons that are not unhealthy (meaning: not based in emotional torment and you're being safe so as not to accidentally kill yourself), there is little reason to stop unless you truly want to. And if you truly do want to, I recommend tackling whatever adverse emotional conditions are causing you to do it in the first place. It's not the cutting that's the problem. It's the thing that's causing the cutting that's the problem. Just like with me. It's not the beer that's the problem. I love beer. Beer is tasty and a fun hobby and it makes me feel good. It's the fucked up emotional circumstances that surround my excessive consumption that are the problem. Fix the negative circumstances and I can enjoy beer like anyone else without feeling that I'm devoted to it.

If you don't like to cut, but find yourself doing it anyway, then you need to address why.

Do you live under a rock? Have you ever heard of any tattoo or piercing related SUICIDES? Yeah, neither have I.

Self harm is a depressive mental state. Same goes for eating disorders, anxiety, etc. You could easily muster up the words to say to a person "Hey, you're hurting yourself physically/mentally and it's making your life extremely difficult. Why don't you just stop?" but is it really THAT easy for the person to just stop? If you've ever experienced a health issue that borderlines this scenario or straight up tackles the category, or if you've ever had a LOVED ONE struggle with things like this, you'd know it's not easy. It's not a choice, and it's not something that's often easy to handle and maintain in the beginning. It is without-a-doubt unhealthy, and something to tackle with precaution, precision, courage and determination.
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15-07-2014, 09:18 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(15-07-2014 04:53 AM)One Above All Wrote:  
(15-07-2014 12:03 AM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I was thinking and in a way I feel inferior because most cutters are females, and I'm male and cut myself. It's strange but In a way I feel like a lesser species even though I know I'm a human I feel like I don't belong, I feel alone and kinda lost with a broken heart

Why do you believe most cutters are females? I know very few things that mostly women do. Regardless, that doesn't mean you're inferior.
I've done and do things people say are "feminine" or whatever. I usually ask them to define "feminine" for me, and that's only if I don't ignore them outright. If they do manage to put forth a definition of the term, it's always irrelevant, due to being highly subjective. Even if a consistent definition existed, doing things that women usually do doesn't make one inferior. I've met many women. A lot of them are awesome. Sure, some are complete bitches, but that applies to men as well. No gender is intrinsically all-around superior. The only reason differences may exist is due to social conditioning. If there was no social conditioning, men and women would become even more similar, psychologically speaking, than they are now.
You are not inferior.

I love the ladies, I meant that people have judged me based on my scars and weight and not my personality and it takes it toll on me mentally
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15-07-2014, 11:12 AM (This post was last modified: 15-07-2014 11:17 AM by bemore.)
RE: What's wrong with me?
Your sub-conscious does not know the difference between right or wrong. All it wants to do is protect you and whilst cutting might not seem like a logical thing to do there comes some sort of "payoff", just like people who smoke. They are not physically addicted to nicotine to the point they have got to continue smoking. They do it because it is a habit and it serves some payoff to them, even though the behaviour is destructive.

If you feel your therapy isnt working then tell the therapist. You need to find the right person with the right rapport for you, someone who you feel comfortable with and can open up too.

Why do you think of yourself as worthless? What are your justifications for this?

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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15-07-2014, 11:25 AM
RE: What's wrong with me?
Outside of the obvious identify why, seek professional help awesome advise you have received, may I make a recommendation?

Get out, get into something physically challenging, lift weights, do crossfit, yoga, rock climbing WHATEVER.....find something that clicks with you, center your off time on this positive endeavor, meet people who do the same thing and like it, you will find as you submerse yourself in something positive and physical, you will have less time to sit and rock and think about all the negative shit in life that everyone has to deal with. When you are gearing up for your afternoon, early morning etc workout, rock climb, half marathon run whatever....you will realize...gee I don't want to cut myself, it will impact my workout/group run etc....you will find all of your "down time" has become "up time" I used to drink on a steady basis, not that there is anything wrong with that, and I still enjoy an opportunity now and then to share an adult beverage or three with good friends, however for me, since I am a 7 day a week lifter, where I have to focus on my next meal every two hours, I don't have the time, or desire to have a drink, it would impact my passion to much, my next workout...get where I am coming from? give it a shot.

I sincerely wish you the best, we have all had to deal with various things in life, I could write a book for one, perspective is everything and there is so much life to LIVE, to spend it doing self destructive things to your body is just such a waste of potential good time doing something else that you love.....

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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15-07-2014, 12:09 PM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(15-07-2014 09:18 AM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I love the ladies, I meant that people have judged me based on my scars and weight and not my personality and it takes it toll on me mentally

Unfortunately, the sad truth is that most people judge appearances before personality. Most of those are shallow ("Oh, I won't date him/her - he has boobs/she doesn't have boobs"), but a small percentage aren't. If you are seeking companionship, but don't want to acquire an adequate (according to others and based on appearance) weight (assuming it's not caused by something hormonal, as those cases are fairly rare), you need to find that small percentage. It can be tough, but that's the way it is. =/
If you want to acquire an adequate (again, according to others and based on appearance) weight and get rid of the cutting habit, you can kill two birds with one stone. The gym can be a great tool for this; just remember to pace yourself, or it'll be unpleasant. The adrenaline surge is great. On a personal note, I'm not a woman, but I find that slim guys (little to no visible muscle; just slim/slender) turn me on the most (based solely on body type; there are a lot of other factors involved, such as eye, hair, and skin color, as well as height). Doesn't increase their chances of me dating them, but it's something you may (but don't necessarily have to) take into consideration if/when you set a goal for your weight.
As for the scars... I'm afraid there's no way to get rid of them without laser surgery or something akin to it. It is possible that they'll fade away with time, but I can't promise that or even give you the odds without knowing a lot more about biology, among other things.

Post scriptum: I am not homosexual; I am bisexual. Regardless, don't assume my opinion on guys' appearance will be shared by all the women you'll meet. However, my best (female) friend agrees with me on that matter, so...

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
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15-07-2014, 12:40 PM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(15-07-2014 12:09 PM)One Above All Wrote:  
(15-07-2014 09:18 AM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I love the ladies, I meant that people have judged me based on my scars and weight and not my personality and it takes it toll on me mentally

Unfortunately, the sad truth is that most people judge appearances before personality. Most of those are shallow ("Oh, I won't date him/her - he has boobs/she doesn't have boobs"), but a small percentage aren't. If you are seeking companionship, but don't want to acquire an adequate (according to others and based on appearance) weight (assuming it's not caused by something hormonal, as those cases are fairly rare), you need to find that small percentage. It can be tough, but that's the way it is. =/
If you want to acquire an adequate (again, according to others and based on appearance) weight and get rid of the cutting habit, you can kill two birds with one stone. The gym can be a great tool for this; just remember to pace yourself, or it'll be unpleasant. The adrenaline surge is great. On a personal note, I'm not a woman, but I find that slim guys (little to no visible muscle; just slim/slender) turn me on the most (based solely on body type; there are a lot of other factors involved, such as eye, hair, and skin color, as well as height). Doesn't increase their chances of me dating them, but it's something you may (but don't necessarily have to) take into consideration if/when you set a goal for your weight.
As for the scars... I'm afraid there's no way to get rid of them without laser surgery or something akin to it. It is possible that they'll fade away with time, but I can't promise that or even give you the odds without knowing a lot more about biology, among other things.

Post scriptum: I am not homosexual; I am bisexual. Regardless, don't assume my opinion on guys' appearance will be shared by all the women you'll meet. However, my best (female) friend agrees with me on that matter, so...

I understand what you are saying. I'm bi too so I understand what you are saying, I lean more towards girls though. I do have gym and I'm slowly making progress. I just eat a lot when I'm stressed but I'm trying my best to cut it out. As for the scars I want to tattoo over them when I finally stop cutting
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15-07-2014, 12:52 PM
RE: What's wrong with me?
(15-07-2014 12:40 PM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I understand what you are saying. I'm bi too so I understand what you are saying, I lean more towards girls though. I do have gym and I'm slowly making progress.

Just so we're clear: I'm not talking about gym classes at school; those are basically worthless. I'm talking about going to an actual gymnasium.

(15-07-2014 12:40 PM)Dustinstig Wrote:  I just eat a lot when I'm stressed but I'm trying my best to cut it out.

Try writing, listening to music, playing games, and things like that. They work for me, though I don't usually feel stressed.

(15-07-2014 12:40 PM)Dustinstig Wrote:  As for the scars I want to tattoo over them when I finally stop cutting

You shouldn't get a tattoo to cover them up, mostly for two reasons:
1 - Tattoos basically make you unhirable everywhere. I'd like to get several tattoos myself, but my (future) job and livelihood depend on me not getting them.
2 - The tattoo may cover the different coloration, but it won't cover the "relief", if you will. If the scar is elevated enough relative to the skin, it will still be noticeable.

Post scriptum: I also lean more toward women. Boobs are awesome. Big Grin Thumbsup

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
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