What's your deal breaker in relationships?
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09-08-2014, 04:12 PM
What's your deal breaker in relationships?
So, in a nutshell, I ended up breaking up with my bf. I was seeing an amazingly great guy. Sexy, good looking, we had amazing chemistry. He is smart, and the best part, he's an atheist.

Over the past few weeks, the topic of marriage started popping up, on his end, not mine. I don't believe in marriage, I think it's an unrealistic paradigm for a number of reasons.

We took a break, and now we're over. We decided today to part as friends, though. Too bad we can't be FWB, for he would be the perfect candidate, but too much has happened, I guess.

Anyway, have you ever ended a relationship because you had a difference of opinion over something like this? Doesn't have to be marriage, could be religion, could be politics. But, something that caused you to realize that you both felt was a deal breaker.

What's your deal breaker?

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09-08-2014, 04:57 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
I can't say. Ostensibly my last real deep relationship ended over religion. Realistically we'd been... drifting... for months before that.

I don't think I have a deal breaker per se. There's stuff that means I wouldn't ever get into a relationship with the person in the first place, but if all that stuff is fine then... I mean unless she suddenly *acquired* those characteristics... the rest is just... the normal ups and downs of relationships. Sometimes people do just... lose the magic.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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09-08-2014, 07:34 PM (This post was last modified: 09-08-2014 07:56 PM by Wicked Clown.)
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Sorry to hear that. I'm surprised a discussion about marriage could reach that point. Glad you are still friends.

The deal breaker for me would be if the other person had no feelings for me or clearly was telling me to fuck off. Manipulation or being used would be a deal breaker as well, but not on the first offense depending on what it was.

Difference of opinion or arguments would never be a deal breaker for me because seeing eye to eye on things is not and never has been a requirement for me to be close to someone. I prefer to speak what I feel and like it when another person tells me how they feel without sugar coating it or repressing it for fear of offending me.

When a person is unwilling to be upfront with me or speak honestly about the issues that bother them , it makes me feel like they are fronting and I can't trust them and have to be fake around them as well.

It's just sad that your disagreement had to reach that point. I hope you have friends to hang out with and people to call. Don't keep it inside and Do NOT isolate! Don't think about it too much because that is toxic and will accomplish nothing. Well, Maybe there is something in time that can be done to mend the relationship no?

Keep your chin up! You seem strong! Thumbsup
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09-08-2014, 07:47 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Sorry it didn't work out for you. Sad

Infidelity is my deal breaker, irreparable trust damage is done.

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09-08-2014, 09:07 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 07:34 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  Sorry to hear that. I'm surprised a discussion about marriage could reach that point. Glad you are still friends.

The deal breaker for me would be if the other person had no feelings for me or clearly was telling me to fuck off. Manipulation or being used would be a deal breaker as well, but not on the first offense depending on what it was.

Difference of opinion or arguments would never be a deal breaker for me because seeing eye to eye on things is not and never has been a requirement for me to be close to someone. I prefer to speak what I feel and like it when another person tells me how they feel without sugar coating it or repressing it for fear of offending me.

When a person is unwilling to be upfront with me or speak honestly about the issues that bother them , it makes me feel like they are fronting and I can't trust them and have to be fake around them as well.

It's just sad that your disagreement had to reach that point. I hope you have friends to hang out with and people to call. Don't keep it inside and Do NOT isolate! Don't think about it too much because that is toxic and will accomplish nothing. Well, Maybe there is something in time that can be done to mend the relationship no?

Keep your chin up! You seem strong! Thumbsup

Lol hello

Well, as much as I was in love and that's what I felt it was, he started feeling that was something he wanted. Not for him but for us. He said he had similar feelings about marriage as me when we were first dating and we talked about stuff like that.

I was talking about it with a mutual friend of ours today and she thinks I will eventually change my mind. Marriage is a paradigm that I don't subscribe to as I think it just is a set up for failure. Maybe it works for some but with the divorce rate as it is, looks like it doesn't work for the majority. Thanks for your supportive words! But you should take that hideous IT clown down as your avatar! Eeeeek!
Big Grin

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09-08-2014, 09:13 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
LOL
if anyone else asked me to take it down I wouldn't. But since it's you...your wish is my command! Smile

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Jokes!
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09-08-2014, 09:20 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 09:13 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  LOL
if anyone else asked me to take it down I wouldn't. But since it's you...your wish is my command! Smile

Can I use your avatar Tongue

Jokes!

Haha you make me smile ...smooch Big Grin
We should swap avatars, that would be hilarious!
I needed a laugh tonight.

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09-08-2014, 09:23 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 04:57 PM)morondog Wrote:  I can't say. Ostensibly my last real deep relationship ended over religion. Realistically we'd been... drifting... for months before that.

I don't think I have a deal breaker per se. There's stuff that means I wouldn't ever get into a relationship with the person in the first place, but if all that stuff is fine then... I mean unless she suddenly *acquired* those characteristics... the rest is just... the normal ups and downs of relationships. Sometimes people do just... lose the magic.

I agree with this. Sometimes you don't know the deeper values someone holds til you're in it, though. Undecided

Thanks for your input.

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09-08-2014, 09:56 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 09:20 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(09-08-2014 09:13 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  LOL
if anyone else asked me to take it down I wouldn't. But since it's you...your wish is my command! Smile

Can I use your avatar Tongue

Jokes!

Haha you make me smile ...smooch Big Grin
We should swap avatars, that would be hilarious!
I needed a laugh tonight.

If you're serious...I'm down! Laugh out load

*smootches*
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09-08-2014, 09:56 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 04:12 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  So, in a nutshell, I ended up breaking up with my bf. I was seeing an amazingly great guy. Sexy, good looking, we had amazing chemistry. He is smart, and the best part, he's an atheist.

Over the past few weeks, the topic of marriage started popping up, on his end, not mine. I don't believe in marriage, I think it's an unrealistic paradigm for a number of reasons.

We took a break, and now we're over. We decided today to part as friends, though. Too bad we can't be FWB, for he would be the perfect candidate, but too much has happened, I guess.

Anyway, have you ever ended a relationship because you had a difference of opinion over something like this? Doesn't have to be marriage, could be religion, could be politics. But, something that caused you to realize that you both felt was a deal breaker.

What's your deal breaker?

I like intelligent men. Once I broke up with a guy because he was stupid. I can't stand stupid.

"If things aren't funny anymore then they're exactly what they are and life is just one long dental appointment interrupted occasionally by something exciting like waiting or falling asleep" Jason Robards in A Thousand Clowns
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