What's your deal breaker in relationships?
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09-08-2014, 10:17 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Belly button lint.
They can be great looking, rich, intelligent, fun, humorous, have a nice dog .. and want kids.

Then this.
It's over, man.

Maybe I'm kidding. Maybe I'm not. Angel

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09-08-2014, 10:18 PM (This post was last modified: 09-08-2014 10:30 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Oh god, if this weren't the personal support section I'd be saying the obvious thing we all want to say....

But anyways.

For your question: My deal breakers are....
1. Drug use (very occasional recreational weed is disliked, but acceptable).
2. Smoking at all.
3. Devout Abrahamic follower.
4. infidelity as mentioned above.
5. Different life goals (kids/marriage/methods of raising kids must be aligned).

As far as you not believing in marriage, I've always been the complete opposite. A dreamer who wanted nothing more than to find my love and start a family and be happily married. I grew up in a not-so-great household, so the idea of a happy family seemed like a fantasy I would work to achieve. And for the most part that is still true...BUT ......

I can totally understand not wanting marriage, or not wanting kids. Which is something I never thought I would be saying. As I've grown up my views have changed and I could see living an awesome life without ever having children. I could similarly see living an awesome life without ever getting married. I don't think there is anything wrong with disagreeing with those things. However I would say that not doing them specifically because you feel they are doomed to fail is kind of more of an excuse than a reason. The reason I still want those thing though, is because I think I can be happier with them, than I would be without. Yet I keep finding myself pushing back the date when I'm ready to have any of those. At this rate I'll be early 30s before marriage or kids.

On my end, I actually have changed my stance so much growing up that I don't even think monogamy is necessarily natural. I think it is mostly driven by jealousy, possessiveness, and social responsibility (of actually raising the kids you produce). And on that end I understand it. I want my girl to not be with other guys because it would make me jealous (not to mention diseases and such). But I don't have a happy fantasy in my head where I think she doesn't think about other guys at times. I don't own her, and I accept that it's very likely that she fantasizes about other dudes at times. (To be clear she doesn't talk about other guys or anything, I'm just being logical. She's only human.)

...Anyways I'm just ranting at this point. What I was trying to get at is our culture's view on relationships isn't necessarily the only working view, nor is it definitively the best one for everybody. I think if you think lifelong partnership is a silly concept for you..then go with it. Just make sure you don't waste anybody else's time who thinks there might be a marriage one day.

Sorry for writing so much.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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09-08-2014, 10:18 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
A cruel/mean spirited person.

The Out Crowd.
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09-08-2014, 10:21 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 10:17 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Belly button lint.
They can be great looking, rich, intelligent, fun, humorous, have a nice dog .. and want kids.

Then this.
It's over, man.

Maybe I'm kidding. Maybe I'm not. Angel

Lmao!!

“He who sits in the house of grief will eventually sit in the garden.” ~Hafiz

Heart
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09-08-2014, 10:40 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Well, let's see... improper grammar and/or spelling, disliking the Third Reich, not being Aryan and so on and so forth. Drinking Beverage
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09-08-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 04:12 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  So, in a nutshell, I ended up breaking up with my bf. I was seeing an amazingly great guy. Sexy, good looking, we had amazing chemistry. He is smart, and the best part, he's an atheist.

Over the past few weeks, the topic of marriage started popping up, on his end, not mine. I don't believe in marriage, I think it's an unrealistic paradigm for a number of reasons.

We took a break, and now we're over. We decided today to part as friends, though. Too bad we can't be FWB, for he would be the perfect candidate, but too much has happened, I guess.

Anyway, have you ever ended a relationship because you had a difference of opinion over something like this? Doesn't have to be marriage, could be religion, could be politics. But, something that caused you to realize that you both felt was a deal breaker.

What's your deal breaker?

You know, that's a really good point. I've been thinking about this lately and do you NEED to be married to simply be a happy couple? Some people see it as, "If you can't get married to me, you aren't really dedicated to me." Others have varying opinions on it.

After my recent divorce I'm very much with ya there. Going forward I'm not sure I want to be married in the future. There isn't a whole lot of benefit with it that could not be achieved without it (aside from tax purposes and benefits such as medical, etc). And often times that stuff can be achieved otherwise anyway.

I dunno, I'm still thinking about it.

But I think overall, if people are not compatible on their views on a relationship and are unable to come to a compromise or come to terms of agreement and one is unhappy then it's a potential deal breaker. I think both people should be able to feel comfortable and happy. It is not a "two way street, unless I'm unhappy and then I'll just deal with it." but in fact a two way street. To do otherwise would sort of defeat the purpose, no?

Sorry just thinking outloud. It's given me a lot of time to think lately and reflect on previous choices and ideas and I am now rethinking them all.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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09-08-2014, 11:12 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(09-08-2014 10:46 PM)Logisch Wrote:  You know, that's a really good point. I've been thinking about this lately and do you NEED to be married to simply be a happy couple? Some people see it as, "If you can't get married to me, you aren't really dedicated to me." Others have varying opinions on it.
The way I've always seen it, is marriage shouldn't really change anything. For me at least, marriage is nothing more than a public announcement that you want to be considered a family unit by society. As far as your feelings towards each other, and how well you get along..that hopefully won't change for the worse.

IMO, you should already be living together, committed, and comfortable with each other before marriage. Having a reasonable idea of what to expect in marriage is key!

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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09-08-2014, 11:17 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
I'm with you on the marriage thing. I am in a loving relationship, going on four years now, and I don't really see any reason for us to get married (other than getting free stuff). I also don't want children at all. Maybe if I wanted children I would want to get married. I think a marriage can offer more stability for a family as far as security in financial and medical circumstances, simply because of the way our social structure is set up.

I read an article once about the idea of contractual marriages, where it's a commitment that lasts for 5 or 10 years, however long the parties decide. Then, when the time is up, they can choose to renew that contract or go their separate ways. I think that's an idea I could get behind. Then when your interests change or you drift apart, you can be appreciative of the good times and you don't have to "make it work" for the rest of your lives.

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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09-08-2014, 11:19 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
The biggest one; I don't do stupid.

Well maybe I will DO stupid, but I don't date stupid. This includes irrational things like religion and superstition.

Recently I've added to the list: sexting guys and having me inadvertently pick up her phone because its the same as mine, only to realize I've stumbled into a really fucked up conversation.

I'm a one-woman kind of guy, and I can only stay with a one-man kind of girl.

She can come by whenever until I find a girlfriend though.
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10-08-2014, 12:39 AM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
I'm honestly a remarkably relaxed guy when it comes to relationships, I've never had a problem with my partner hanging out with her former boyfriends even, and while I'm anti-theist to a degree one might call rabid if one was being kind I've had numerous short and long term relationships with middling to highly religious ladies. So long as they don't bring up religious claims I won't utterly destroy them. I've only had one religious girl end a relationship with me and that's AFTER she became an atheist herself as she grew resentful of me because I "took her hope away". She got over it and we are good friends now though, so all's well that ends well as they say.

Now all that being what it is I have three things on my relationship kill list (outside of the standard: Bigot, serial killer, ect ect) that is just a no go for me.

1.) If you can't carry on a conversation with some intelligence we are done. You don't have to be a goddamn savant or genius but if you start talking to me about The Real Bachelorette Housewives of Amish Shore I'm going to end up hanging myself with a $300 belt and that's insulting to the leather. Think of the leather ladies.

2.) If a girl is still in her "Lets get drunk and go to a club omg tots" we ain't gonna work out. Don't get me wrong I went through my phase so it's not a character judgment. I'd just rather spend the night with my good friends Yeats, Whitman, Hemingway and a glass of damn fine Scotch then go to a club that looks and sounds exactly like every other club playing the same shitty music. OK slight judgment fair enough.

3.) If you have weaponized your sexuality then bitch you can Exit, pursued by a bear as far as I'm concerned 'cause I ain't got no respect for that kinda game.
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