What's your deal breaker in relationships?
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10-08-2014, 01:54 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 01:49 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(10-08-2014 07:23 AM)Logisch Wrote:  I 100% agree with you. I also don't think it should change anything. However, there are some people who will tell you, "If you REALLY want to make it official and dedicate yourself you HAVE to get married." but I disagree with that. The way I see it, the relationship shouldn't change just because you get married.

So with that said, I think I feel more comfortable in the future.... not getting married.

I agree, but unfortuntely, it often does change once two people marry. I think the main reason for that is marriage has a subtle implication to it that someone has rights to you. Someone can have expectations of you. When you're dating, you can still have that happen, but both people know it can end it without any real consequences besides emotional ones, at any moment. Marriage not so much.

I don't want to be in something where the thing sucks, we both know it, but we both don't want to bother with a divorce.

I'm not against commited relationships, although I fear commitment, but rather just live separately.

I just don't want a guy on me 24/7. Not that marriage automatically means this, but when I walk in the door, I just need space for a bit. Then, I get in my car and go visit the person I'm seeing, or he comes to me. I like that.

If marriage was a successful paradigm, we wouldn't see such a high divorce rate. Something's not working. Consider
Yes totally!!

SOmetimes people will bee the nices guy/girl and than after marriage and the honey moon become a total Asshole/Bitch!
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10-08-2014, 02:10 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 01:53 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I think blowing the idea of marriage off completely is not a great idea. I agree that it's certainly not for everyone, and that it does change the dynamics of the relationship somewhat. I think it requires a great deal more work once your married because you have made that commitment.
However. It does work for some people. It's just rare.

I was married once, and it was a terrible decision. That man was not a good person and I was WAY too young to recognise how bad the situation was until it was too late. Marriage is certainly something that should be held off till your older, and have been with the person a long time.
This is great advice. I think my view of marriage is tainted from the role models I saw growing up in my parents. They love each other, but growing up there was a lot of fighting, and taking for granted. Lots of tension in the home. I'm not saying all marriages end up like that, but to stay in a marriage that is toxic, many people do this actually. Because there's kids and then assets and then a messy divorce will cost a lot of money. I think people are more willing to stay in a bad familiar situation than venture out into the great unknown. I don't see marriage as necessary, honestly. If two people are commited, then be committed without the legal documentation. This is just my view for now, anyway.

(10-08-2014 01:54 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  
(10-08-2014 01:49 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  I agree, but unfortuntely, it often does change once two people marry. I think the main reason for that is marriage has a subtle implication to it that someone has rights to you. Someone can have expectations of you. When you're dating, you can still have that happen, but both people know it can end it without any real consequences besides emotional ones, at any moment. Marriage not so much.

I don't want to be in something where the thing sucks, we both know it, but we both don't want to bother with a divorce.

I'm not against commited relationships, although I fear commitment, but rather just live separately.

I just don't want a guy on me 24/7. Not that marriage automatically means this, but when I walk in the door, I just need space for a bit. Then, I get in my car and go visit the person I'm seeing, or he comes to me. I like that.

If marriage was a successful paradigm, we wouldn't see such a high divorce rate. Something's not working. Consider
Yes totally!!

SOmetimes people will bee the nices guy/girl and than after marriage and the honey moon become a total Asshole/Bitch!

Totally!

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing.
~ Edmund Burke
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10-08-2014, 02:14 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 02:10 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(10-08-2014 01:53 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I think blowing the idea of marriage off completely is not a great idea. I agree that it's certainly not for everyone, and that it does change the dynamics of the relationship somewhat. I think it requires a great deal more work once your married because you have made that commitment.
However. It does work for some people. It's just rare.

I was married once, and it was a terrible decision. That man was not a good person and I was WAY too young to recognise how bad the situation was until it was too late. Marriage is certainly something that should be held off till your older, and have been with the person a long time.
This is great advice. I think my view of marriage is tainted from the role models I saw growing up in my parents. They love each other, but growing up there was a lot of fighting, and taking for granted. Lots of tension in the home. I'm not saying all marriages end up like that, but to stay in a marriage that is toxic, many people do this actually. Because there's kids and then assets and then a messy divorce will cost a lot of money. I think people are more willing to stay in a bad familiar situation than venture out into the great unknown. I don't see marriage as necessary, honestly. If two people are commited, then be committed without the legal documentation. This is just my view for now, anyway.

(10-08-2014 01:54 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  Yes totally!!

SOmetimes people will bee the nices guy/girl and than after marriage and the honey moon become a total Asshole/Bitch!

Totally!

I can understand growing up with bad marriage role models. (My mum has been married 4 times) But I also saw my grandparents who were married 60 years and loved each till the days they died.

I hate it when people stay married "for the kids" As someone who's been the kid on that roller coaster many times I can honestly say I was way happier when my mom was single and happy then when she was miserable in a bad marriage.

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10-08-2014, 02:28 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
-Ugly (yes, I am a shallow asshole).
-Is freaked out by what I'm into.
-Has a fecal fetish.

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10-08-2014, 02:28 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
your mom's been married four times too lol?

my mom just recently divorced her fourth husband. I use to judge and despise my mom for cheating on my dad and having sex with a bunch of men that she wasn't married to, but I realize that she has a big heart and we all have our vices . she was looking for love.
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10-08-2014, 02:30 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 02:28 PM)Res Publica Wrote:  -Ugly (yes, I am a shallow asshole).
-Is freaked out by what I'm into.
-Has a fecal fetish.
what if he had the fecal fetish but it was a non practicing one?
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10-08-2014, 02:33 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 02:30 PM)Wicked Clown Wrote:  
(10-08-2014 02:28 PM)Res Publica Wrote:  -Ugly (yes, I am a shallow asshole).
-Is freaked out by what I'm into.
-Has a fecal fetish.
what if he had the fecal fetish but it was a non practicing one?
*She (I don't mind guys, but I wouldn't want to be romantic with one.)

I guess if she never brought it up.

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10-08-2014, 02:43 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
well Dee you two are still friends. with time you may become close friends. this cloud may have a silver lining after all. Smile
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10-08-2014, 02:48 PM (This post was last modified: 10-08-2014 03:02 PM by WhiskeyDebates.)
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
(10-08-2014 01:51 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(10-08-2014 10:01 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  Dishonesty
just curious and you don't need to go into details but have you ever had someone betray your trust so much so, that you ended things?

I know it was not addressed to me but yes absolutely. Trust is a thing that once lost I can't get back for that person no matter how hard they try. There will always be that little voice at the back of my head reminding them of what they did.

That said other then some out and out unapproved infidelity it's very hard to lose my trust and I've only ever had to ghost one person from my life.

Anyway carry one! Smile
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10-08-2014, 02:51 PM
RE: What's your deal breaker in relationships?
Rarely have I seen somebody under the age of 25 who is mentally prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, or a LTR for that matter.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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