What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
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31-10-2012, 10:17 PM (This post was last modified: 31-10-2012 10:21 PM by kpax.)
What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
I have a neighbor woman who lives so close that I bump into her constantly. She has two kids that are good friends with my daughter.

I like the kids but I cannot stand her! I have chit chatted with her here and there the past two years and now she makes comments that I "am her best friend". The problem is the little things I notice that are signs of bigger things. Such as:

* She talks about everyone else behind their backs, how she can't stand them, etc. So I and forced to assume she is doing the same to me
* She won't hold a job down so I have to constantly hear her bitch about how hard life is, how she is broke, how bad drama is in her life (seemingly self created drama)
* I've told her very private things, things I asked her not to tell anyone but she tells others
* She tells me the private things others have told her
* She came out and said the guy she is seeing that she is just using him for money
* She asks me for favors about once per week whether it be to watch her kids, get her kids from school, help her use the computer or whatever.
* Recently, her asking favors became so often that I had to run off to a hotel room for the weekend just to avoid her so I could have peace and quiet for the weekend without someone knocking on my door all day
* Sometimes we make plans and if she is late or if her plans change she doesn't give me the courtesy to call me and let me know.

After two years of this, it's beginning to wear on me and I feel used so I started distancing myself from her. Her kids are more than welcome over here.

I've never called her my best friend and never will because of the above. Plus I don't think her family will like it once they find out I am atheist.

What do you guys think about the above?
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31-10-2012, 10:22 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
My advice, be honest with her, let her know that you are not a door mat. You don't have to be brutal. You should never feel so stressed about going home. Home should be your sanctuary.

OR

If you think she will distance herself from you because of it tell you you worship satan Wink

OR

both.

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31-10-2012, 10:29 PM (This post was last modified: 31-10-2012 10:41 PM by kpax.)
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
Well my main concern is not ruining the friendship the kids have. I like the kids. The kids are cool.

Other than that I don't give two shits about this woman and her family. Talk about unrequited love, this is like "unrequited best friendship" though I have a feeling she calls me her best friend to get me to do her favors. Funny how I noticed she never introduces me as her best friend to others but rather her "friend" and "neighbor".

I felt sorry for her because she was a single Mom who looked like she was struggling when I first met her. Now I realize she brings it on herself and just wants other people to do the heavy lifting.

I stopped doing favors half the time for her. I don't mind helping people but damn.....I have my own life and kid to take care of.
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31-10-2012, 10:44 PM (This post was last modified: 31-10-2012 11:30 PM by Dark Light.)
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
(31-10-2012 10:29 PM)kpax Wrote:  I have a feeling she calls me her best friend to get me to do her favors.

That is how it sounded to me as well. I understand that you don't want the kids to be forced apart because of a butt hurt neighbor, but my advice is, based on the information you provided, be honest with her. To me it is worth the risk. Ultimately, you know your situation better than anyone else, and you are going to have to live with the consequences of your decision. You have been put in a shitty position, and there is no great way out, through action or inaction, but if it is serious enough that you are staying in hotel rooms I would let the woman know that you aren't going to up with her shit anymore in the politest way possible. That's my advise, take it or leave it, and good luck.

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31-10-2012, 10:50 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
Yeah, you are right. That seems to be the way to go. I just have to put my foot down more often. Thank you. Smile
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31-10-2012, 10:50 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
I know someone like that. They would always complain about how their friends where always leaving them. I wanted to say that is was because she talked about them behind their backs, but I kept it to myself. Not sure what I would do in your situation, since you seem to want to be nice. I would probably be brutally honest and spell out the reasons why she makes you uncomfortable.

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31-10-2012, 10:54 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
(31-10-2012 10:50 PM)Near Wrote:  Not sure what I would do in your situation, since you seem to want to be nice.

Sometimes it's better to keep ones mouth shut until the big mouth neighbors aren't so close anymore LOL. I just don't want or need the drama in my life right now. I'm dealing with two dying grandmothers and trying to raise my daughter as a single mother who lives alone. I have no energy to deal with these loudass nutballs.

Plus losing my faith in the meantime.

I just need to find non-believer friends I guess.
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31-10-2012, 11:02 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
Well, you have us here on the forum. Not the same as IRL friends, but better than nothing. There's a skype group from the forum. I've not participated myself, but it might be nice to try it out. Smile

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31-10-2012, 11:23 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
Don't be a doormat that is dumped on. Be unavailable and learn the word no. Don't explain or offer your thoughts though, that pulls in drama and you want to avoid that at all costs with someone who seems to attract it. There are two types of people- energy givers and energy suckers. Don't put any more energy into this or you'll be sucked dry. Encourage healthy relationships with your kids and make your relationship with the mom strictly about the kids with healthy boundaries around everything else. People who break trust and are pushy/manipulative don't deserve the respect of a relationship of an intimate level of any kind, it was never an honest relationship to begin with.
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31-10-2012, 11:57 PM
RE: What to Do About Suspected Fake Friend
If you're not able to express your feelings and be understood, then you're not in a friendship. If you don't like being around her, then it's not a friendship. I'd go with yes, that it's a fake friend, but I can't see clearly which one is the fake friend in this case. No offense. It takes two to start a friendship, but one to end it. In the end, be a friend to yourself and do what you feel is right. Hope you come out unscathed.

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