What to do when family give up
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
11-05-2015, 12:46 PM
Re: RE: What to do when family give up
(11-05-2015 11:20 AM)Dom Wrote:  And why do you want to intervene? She's over 60 and this is her chosen path. Is this messing with you personally or can you avoid it impacting you personally?

I'm not sure if I want to intervene or not. I'm expected to. I just watched another family member do this exact thing. He declined more quickly though. It just seems like such a ridiculous waste. This might sound harsh, but I'd prefer it to hurry up and be done with -not this slow decay.

I guess I'm also selfish. I'd like her to have fun with my kids. I'd like to have a "normal" relationship with her. She's never wanted one and it seems time is running out.

I'm expected to take care of her, no one else does much. If I don't run errands and keep her house, utilities get shut off, she doesn't eat, and the house turns into a hoarders paradise.

The replies made me think. I'm probably bitter and angry. I've been taking care of their house/meals, later errands and bills, (excepting when i moved far, far away for 5 years) since I was 12 or so.

Thanks everyone, for your input.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-05-2015, 01:20 PM
RE: What to do when family give up
(11-05-2015 12:46 PM)mecanna Wrote:  
(11-05-2015 11:20 AM)Dom Wrote:  And why do you want to intervene? She's over 60 and this is her chosen path. Is this messing with you personally or can you avoid it impacting you personally?

I'm not sure if I want to intervene or not. I'm expected to. I just watched another family member do this exact thing. He declined more quickly though. It just seems like such a ridiculous waste. This might sound harsh, but I'd prefer it to hurry up and be done with -not this slow decay.

I guess I'm also selfish. I'd like her to have fun with my kids. I'd like to have a "normal" relationship with her. She's never wanted one and it seems time is running out.

I'm expected to take care of her, no one else does much. If I don't run errands and keep her house, utilities get shut off, she doesn't eat, and the house turns into a hoarders paradise.

The replies made me think. I'm probably bitter and angry. I've been taking care of their house/meals, later errands and bills, (excepting when i moved far, far away for 5 years) since I was 12 or so.

Thanks everyone, for your input.

I wasn't aware you had been taking care of her all this time.

Maybe just go over the list of things you do and assign some to your siblings? If they don't get done they don't get done and mom can complain to them?

It's a really hard place to be. Being bitter and angry is probably what everyone would be in that spot. I am glad you came and ranted about it, I hope that helped a little.

Thing is, only you totally understand the situation and anything we suggest may just not fit right.

How long do you think she has left? Is there anything she enjoys? Or is she the type that whines about everything? So much we don't know...

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-05-2015, 11:36 PM
RE: What to do when family give up
Every family has one or, if you are lucky, two responsible children who take the bull by the horns and do what needs to be done. Such families also have x number of children who do shit except complain.

Welcome to the club. It never ends well and none of them will ever change.

You have to stand up for yourself because none of them are going to come through and that is just the way it is.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Minimalist's post
12-05-2015, 08:04 AM
Re: RE: What to do when family give up
(11-05-2015 01:20 PM)Dom Wrote:  How long do you think she has left? Is there anything she enjoys? Or is she the type that whines about everything? So much we don't know...

I'd guess another five years at most, if nothing changes.

She enjoys horseback riding. Or, she enjoys the attention she gets from pretending to live the "horsey" lifestyle. Having trained horses myself, I can confidently say that her horse is dangerous for a beginner (or her) to ride. Her last three major accidents have been with this horse,after I gave up the responsibility of taking care of her barn and animals.

But I'll tell you, it's whining all the way. I hear whining about a dress I ruined in the laundry 20 years ago, or a broken knick-knack my brother tossed at age 15. We're both in our thirties now.

But yes, I just need to think about things and re-address some issues.
Thanks for listening to me whine.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-05-2015, 08:37 AM
RE: What to do when family give up
(12-05-2015 08:04 AM)mecanna Wrote:  
(11-05-2015 01:20 PM)Dom Wrote:  How long do you think she has left? Is there anything she enjoys? Or is she the type that whines about everything? So much we don't know...

I'd guess another five years at most, if nothing changes.

She enjoys horseback riding. Or, she enjoys the attention she gets from pretending to live the "horsey" lifestyle. Having trained horses myself, I can confidently say that her horse is dangerous for a beginner (or her) to ride. Her last three major accidents have been with this horse,after I gave up the responsibility of taking care of her barn and animals.

But I'll tell you, it's whining all the way. I hear whining about a dress I ruined in the laundry 20 years ago, or a broken knick-knack my brother tossed at age 15. We're both in our thirties now.

But yes, I just need to think about things and re-address some issues.
Thanks for listening to me whine.

How sad, and how stressful for you. All I know is that trying to get her to stop things is probably useless and has an adverse effect. Since there seems to be nothing to lift her spirits and give her energy and zest, I can only see benign neglect as a (very unsatisfactory) solution.

I have a friend whose father smokes a ton, has emphesema, refuses to take his oxygen because he can't smoke while doing so, and takes an excess of pain pills. I am at a loss as to what to recommend there too - you just can't change people. They need positive motivation to do so. Giving up vices is negative, they are being used because they provide comfort.



Like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: