When does dating criteria get to specific?
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13-10-2012, 11:07 PM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
Yeah, I see what you mean now. My reasoning was more focused on the emotional aspects, SPD folks being not that into extreme emotional displays, and when I think of NPD I think of extreme emotional displays. Or was that a different *PD, I dunno. I started a blog recently where I discussed every single bit of info I could find on SPD and related it to myself, though I don't update it anymore. I used to spend a lot of time on asexual and aromantic forums, but I don't fit in there, since I think it's just an SPD thing and I'm actually a non-practicing, reluctant heterosexual.

I used to get confused, my friends would congratulate me on having "high standards" when it came to dating (this was how they explained to themselves why I'm not into relationships and do not go on dates). I might have high standards. I probably do. But the larger issue is a general lack of interest in relationships. I considered the possibility that I may not have the right amounts of the requisite hormones or neurotransmitters or something that make people get those attraction and "in love" feelings, but I would not discuss the matter with my endocrinologist or anyone else for fear they might try to "fix" me, haha.

I get more thankful I am how I am when I see my friends going through repeated breakups and divorces. People crying all the time, putting their fists through walls, saying shit they don't really mean. Seems quite hellish.

I have a friend who was married to a Christian, and she actually told me she had to lie a lot and hide a lot of aspects of herself because he'd freak out due to his religion. That just strikes me as sad. They're separated now though, but he's stalking her and trying to drink himself to death. I don't envy people with turbulent relationships, that's for sure.
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13-10-2012, 11:58 PM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(13-10-2012 10:34 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  ... guys doing anything for manipulative pair of breasts etc.. Girls spending weeks crying over some douche bag etc...

And therein lies the difference between the selection criteria for the sexes.

There is no emotional investment on those manipulative breasts.
It's way more primitive.

Of course, let's not be negative. There are few greater pleasures than manipulating pairs of breasts (preferably many pairs, simultaneously), and the point when you realise you are being manipulated by those same breasts is the point when you have come of age.

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14-10-2012, 12:11 AM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(13-10-2012 11:07 PM)amyb Wrote:  Yeah, I see what you mean now. My reasoning was more focused on the emotional aspects, SPD folks being not that into extreme emotional displays, and when I think of NPD I think of extreme emotional displays. Or was that a different *PD, I dunno. I started a blog recently where I discussed every single bit of info I could find on SPD and related it to myself, though I don't update it anymore. I used to spend a lot of time on asexual and aromantic forums, but I don't fit in there, since I think it's just an SPD thing and I'm actually a non-practicing, reluctant heterosexual.

I used to get confused, my friends would congratulate me on having "high standards" when it came to dating (this was how they explained to themselves why I'm not into relationships and do not go on dates). I might have high standards. I probably do. But the larger issue is a general lack of interest in relationships. I considered the possibility that I may not have the right amounts of the requisite hormones or neurotransmitters or something that make people get those attraction and "in love" feelings, but I would not discuss the matter with my endocrinologist or anyone else for fear they might try to "fix" me, haha.

I get more thankful I am how I am when I see my friends going through repeated breakups and divorces. People crying all the time, putting their fists through walls, saying shit they don't really mean. Seems quite hellish.

I have a friend who was married to a Christian, and she actually told me she had to lie a lot and hide a lot of aspects of herself because he'd freak out due to his religion. That just strikes me as sad. They're separated now though, but he's stalking her and trying to drink himself to death. I don't envy people with turbulent relationships, that's for sure.

Part of NPD is lack of empathy and emotion. It is extreme emotion but in the sense of no emotion. I'm not surprised you didn't fit into an asexual forum. SPD is not the same as being asexual. You still feel attraction, ie: you say you're hetrosexual you know this because you're physically attracted to males. I'm the same, I know I'm gay because I'm attracted to guys but don't feel the same attraction to women.
Where the difference between the SPD and 'normal' is 'love'. SPD's don't feel love which explains our failing to understand why everyone is so hyped up about being in love etc.. Even for family, doesn't even have to be like a boyfriend or girlfriend. Like I "love" my parents, but honestly I feel the exact same to them as I do to anyone I know. I think I judge people more towards their worth. Like I like my parents more then my flatmates because my parents are nice people they give me money etc.. and my flatmates just drive me up the wall. So I value my parents more. But I don't feel any differently towards my parents as I do my flatmates as in the sense of 'love'. It's really hard to explain. I suppose having a lack of love and having someone try to explain love to you is the same as trying to explain a lack of love to someone with it. I'm no psychiatrists. I don't know if it's because of a lack of desire to be sociable or a lack of being sociable is because of it. I think it's the whole package. Anyway you look at it the part of the brain that is in control of love and social interaction is 'skewy'.
But like I say I'm okay with that. Like you, I think I'm lucky because of it actually, that old saying of you don't miss what you never had. It gives you a unique and vastly different perspective on life then anyone else around you. You're the first person I know other then myself to have SPD actually.

I don't know what my high school friends make of me. I get the impression they think I'm asexual. Being SPD is weird enough to people but then you add being closet gay.. I can see how they came to that conclusion. Surprisingly being gay is a shit load easier to hide then having zero interest in relationships.

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14-10-2012, 01:08 AM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(14-10-2012 12:11 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  You're the first person I know other then myself to have SDP...
... Surprisingly being gay is a shit load easier to hide then having zero interest in relationships.
I thought you guys were referring to schizoid personality disorder but now I realise you are referring to Sensory Processing Disorder.

The way you describe it (inability to love) has got me intrigued so I have some reading to do. I just figured I was oxytocin deficient or something.

Btw, Muffsy, did you just exit a closet?

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14-10-2012, 01:13 AM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
We are talking about Schizoid personality disorder.

And I exited that closet ages ago in the ranting thread, gezz son, you are so far behind.

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14-10-2012, 02:04 AM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(14-10-2012 01:13 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  We are talking about Schizoid personality disorder.

And I exited that closet ages ago in the ranting thread, gezz son, you are so far behind.

I missed that one.

So much ranting over there, it's hard to keep up!

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14-10-2012, 03:01 PM (This post was last modified: 14-10-2012 03:06 PM by amyb.)
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
I don't totally lack empathy, I don't think. (Sometimes I think I have more than other people, like I don't like it when people make fun of others for their looks or their weight). I avoid emotional situations (like if my mom is yelling at me, I just stare blankly and ask her to calm down,because I don't do screaming matches,ever). The reason I don't fit into asexual forums is because many (not all!) are very prudish and very anti-sex, and I'm not, and that's the main reason. I do get on well with aromantics though.

Quote:Where the difference between the SPD and 'normal' is 'love'.
Romantic love. I know that's what you were saying anyway, but I still feel the need to disagree with the statement until you add the word "romantic" to it, i.e., the type of love experienced in a couple of people who are "in love." I mean, I love my mom, I love my dogs, I love my friends, but I'm not "in love" with any of them.

Same, I think SPD is rather rare. It's also more common in males, I think. When I was 16, a shrink told me to read a book on BPD, and I most certainly did not and do not have that (16 is too young to diagnose personality disorders, anyway, I think they're supposed to wait until the 20s, even if it's pretty obvious). It does give a rather different perspective on things.I'm in my 30s and most of my friends have been married and divorced and have several children. To me, my life seems more stable than theirs. Until a few years ago, my parents were still going on about how awful it is of me for not "giving them any grandchildren" and I think my mom still feels embarrassed at me for not being "normal" with a husband and 2.5 kids.

My last boyfriend deserves much credit for putting up with me, probably. I'm not affectionate and he practically had to beg me to say "I love you." I was with him 5 years, and I basically felt the same way about him as I did about my female best friends, or even my parents, only difference is I had sex with him sometimes. So yeah, even though I liked him I never really got the whole deeply emotional "in love" thing.

Quote:I don't know what my high school friends make of me. I get the impression they think I'm asexual.
When I was 14, my female friends thought it was a horrid thing that I was a virgin, and took it upon themselves to help me get laid. They thought I was shy or awkward, but I truly wasn't very interested, except in a scientific sense (if so many people think sex is so great, maybe I should give it a go, I thought). I did end up having sex with a guy from school, then I never talked to him again. but anyway, I think my friends thought I was just too shy to get a boyfriend, and that I really wanted one, and they were trying to "help." Eventually they learned it was just disinterest in all of it.

But as for the topic, I've heard of people with "queerplatonic" relationships, like a flatmate/best friend you don't fuck. That would be nice, I think. It's not that I don't like sex, but I don't do the emotional aspect of it and many people have a problem with that. If I could clone myself, I'd date me.
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14-10-2012, 03:03 PM
When does dating criteria get to specific?
(14-10-2012 02:04 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(14-10-2012 01:13 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  We are talking about Schizoid personality disorder.

And I exited that closet ages ago in the ranting thread, gezz son, you are so far behind.

I missed that one.

So much ranting over there, it's hard to keep up!

Interesting word choice. Consider

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14-10-2012, 05:07 PM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(12-10-2012 04:28 PM)poolboyg88 Wrote:  If it's YOUR criteria, for YOUR partner, it can never get too specific.

You owe yourself to have the best possible partner that you think you deserve. And you are NOT obligated to settle for less, and should NEVER feel like you have to settle for less.

Yep, and that's why I'm single! Dodgy

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14-10-2012, 06:05 PM
RE: When does dating criteria get to specific?
(14-10-2012 03:03 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(14-10-2012 02:04 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I missed that one.

So much ranting over there, it's hard to keep up!

Interesting word choice. Consider

Just trying to make life easy for the punch-line king.

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