When the need for closure is great.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
02-01-2014, 11:27 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
I wouldn't send it. Is there someone you can report them to about the unlatched fence and now two dangerous dogs? If so I would file am anonymous report every time I saw that fence unlatched. And if you're close to any other neighbors ask them to report it too. It is absolutely not okay for someone to be so irresponsible. Imagine next time it's someone's child smaller and not strong enough to defend themselves. Little kids die all the time because of stupid lazy people like your neighbors.

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Losty's post
02-01-2014, 11:51 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
A lot of what I read simply doesn't make sense to me. You have service dogs, but you jog and are now armed (so you're very physically fit and can see), and yet they run without a leash. I'm not getting that. I mean, I don't understand it.

You were attacked; you sued and settled--for what sounds like a pretty hefty amount.

Now you want to write a letter?

It seems to me you might be a lot happier if you just ran a different route. I say that because the next mauling might lead some attorney to ask: "You knew their gate was open, you had unleashed dogs with you, a firearm, and you've been sending them letters. So, why were you willingly putting yourself in danger--even after you were attacked? And why didn't you call animal control?"

I definitely feel bad that you were so badly injured, but your course of action doesn't sound right to me. Just for your own safety and peace of mind, leave the service dogs at home, leave the gun at home, forget the poisoned pen letters, and run another route.

Because, I'll tell you what, I get a bad feeling about this. I think the next time something goes down, you're going to be the one being sued. Maybe you'll shoot one of their dogs. Maybe you'll miss and endanger or injure someone else. Maybe they'll take out a restraining order against you. Maybe you'll be killed by their then adult German Shepherd. Maybe you'll be arrested for brandishing a firearm.

I say this with the greatest respect: It's not worth it. Run another route.

And good luck. Yes
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 01:55 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 11:51 PM)Gordon Wrote:  A lot of what I read simply doesn't make sense to me. You have service dogs, but you jog and are now armed (so you're very physically fit and can see), and yet they run without a leash. I'm not getting that. I mean, I don't understand it.

*Service dogs have so many different purposes. They're not just for the blind and physically disabled O.o*

You were attacked; you sued and settled--for what sounds like a pretty hefty amount.

Now you want to write a letter?

It seems to me you might be a lot happier if you just ran a different route. I say that because the next mauling might lead some attorney to ask: "You knew their gate was open, you had unleashed dogs with you, a firearm, and you've been sending them letters. So, why were you willingly putting yourself in danger--even after you were attacked? And why didn't you call animal control?"

I definitely feel bad that you were so badly injured, but your course of action doesn't sound right to me. Just for your own safety and peace of mind, leave the service dogs at home, leave the gun at home, forget the poisoned pen letters, and run another route.

Because, I'll tell you what, I get a bad feeling about this. I think the next time something goes down, you're going to be the one being sued. Maybe you'll shoot one of their dogs. Maybe you'll miss and endanger or injure someone else. Maybe they'll take out a restraining order against you. Maybe you'll be killed by their then adult German Shepherd. Maybe you'll be arrested for brandishing a firearm.

*Generally people don't run around with guns they don't know how to aim. It is not illegal to shoot a dog that is attacking you. Hell, it's not even illegal to shoot a person if they're attacking you.*

I say this with the greatest respect: It's not worth it. Run another route.

And good luck. Yes

Sorry I'm too lazy to separate out the different quotes.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 06:54 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
I agree, I would run a different route.

I would wait a week or two and re-read the letter after not looking at it for that time. My bet is that you will adjust it and make it a better letter.

And then I would seek legal advice before sending it.

Thing is, the letter won't do anything except let you get something off your chest. All other effects are more likely to be negative than positive. So it depends on how urgently you need to get this off your chest...and if it's worth the possibility that this will just drag out.... they may perceive it as a threat and go to the authorities and you may end up aggravating your aggravation...

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
03-01-2014, 07:07 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 08:50 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm sorry for your troubles and I don't blame you a bit for wanting to take some personal power back. You want them to know you've suffered because of their negligence.. If it helps by all means write the letter, maybe ask someone impartial read it, to be sure it doesn't cross unintentional lines and then wait before sending.

Later if you still feel the same (sometimes the act of going through the other motions is enough), by all means send it. But also, be clear with yourself about your own expectations -- preferably before mailing it.

Again Hug and you can always vent here.


My thoughts exactly ^^^. I could not have said it better.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:26 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 09:32 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  You certainly have more guts than I have. I was viciously abused as a child by various people in my surroundings. At the age of 12-13 I was almoust castrated by a group of classmates who had tied me to a chair and repeatedly kept beating me between the legs with their feet and objects. At the age of 14 I was almoust murdered by the same people during gymclass. Throughout my childhood I had to live with beatings and humiliations by my family and their friends and with an enormous amount of vicious bullying that was made worse by the fact that teacher, parents and people of authority ignored my situation up to the point at which I was almoust murdered.

I suffer from nightmares, even though they have become less in recent years. And I have a weird agression and depression problem. The phases of depression or agression come very sudden and unexpected, I can go from normal to savagly angry or utterly sad within seconds.

Yet I could never forgive the people who shoved me into this situation. I managed to somewhat forgive my parents because they came to me and wanted to appologise but still feel uncomfortable near them. The other abusers I cant forgive, and I also cannot forgive the neglegence of some who could have helped me but didnt. One of the main reasons why I left my country and moved to Germany was because living in that community surrounded by these people who caused my suffering drove me mad.

I hope you will be spared of that expirience.

Some people want to appologise, but I simply am to angry to in anyway forgive and dont want to help them out of feeling guilty. And some people are just savage sociopaths who ignore the suffering they cause or even take pleasure out of what they did. A even after forgiving someone, there will never be trust. You will always be suspicious of them and at occasions even hatefull.

Maybe I shouldt adress this post towards you since these are my expiriences.

I have no words but total sorrow for your experience. I'm speechless. I'm sorry you went through that.

I'm gal you took your power back and did what was right for you.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:30 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 10:17 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Wow! So much to take in here.

I really don't know what to say (to the OP and Germans) so please forgive me for ignoring the emotional / psychological side to this and offering only practical advice...

From a strategic perspective, you have to decide what you want.

If it is simply about closure, i.e. you getting to have your say, then writing the letter might be all the catharsis you need. You've got it out even if there is no audience.

Receiving the letter would be like receiving an Audit Report. These are usually received defensively ... no one likes being audited even if one knows deep down it's for one's own benefit.

The next step after Audit needs to be the Business Case.
A Business Case will usually receive a mixed reaction unless it is sold well... no one likes to change but if the benefits (the returns on investment) are clear, it will be accepted and even embraced.

I recommend that you write the letter as a Business Case (costs, benefits, risks, risk mitigation, timeline, ownership etc.) and use the Audit (what happened to you) as the background.

In other words, sell the benefits of change - tangible (no further damages if the incident repeats) and intangible (improved relationships with neighbours).

Avoid the words 'but' and 'however' e.g. "this happened and a way of improving... etc." is received more positively than "this happened but a way of improving... etc."

Before you send it, turn your empathy-dial up to 11 and have someone read it to you as though you had received it.

Just my 2-penny worth. I hope it works out.

Thanks. That's an interesting thought.

As an aside, I've written this letter 50 times over the last 9 months. The next letter more reasonable than its predecessor.
I've written the final letter (for now) and I don't feel even slightly better for having written it. Which is why I think it just needs to be sent in order to get closure.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:33 AM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 08:15 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 11:11 PM)BryanS Wrote:  What Anjele said. Don't send it without legal advise. You've already had legal dealings with these people, so they may very well use anything you send to them against you.

If you must send it, make no comment other than the safety concern about the unlatched fence and aggressive behavior that concerns you. I wouldn't comment on anything that might relate to any events that led to the first lawsuit.

Do you expect these people to even read a letter you send them? If your goal is to get them to change their behavior and do something about their new dog, you will probably get more action from them if the letter arrives on your lawyers' letterhead.

You have every right to be concerned and take action about that concern. I would have to think that your local police or animal control should be able to address concerns like this as well.

You don't think they would read it? I would read any letter, even if it was nasty. It's like a train wreck - I wouldn't be able to look away.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:42 AM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 08:03 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: When the need for closure is great.
So maybe I should clarify what are common misconceptions. Suing a person in court costs money. You have to be able to find a lawyer that will take it (if it's not a good case, the lawyer won't waste their time.) for example, lawyers don't sue people unless they have insurance. Why? Because the only money you will ever get is from insurance. Sure - you might get a lien on someone's house - but they won't sell for 20 years. It's not worth their time unless you pay them by the hour which can get really expensive! I settled with the insurance company for $15,000 less than the policy limit. Why? Because the insurance company knew it would cost at least $10,000 to go to trial. Presuming the jury gave me more than te policy (they aren't allowed to know that policy limits), what was the net effect to me? Another year and all that aggravation (not to mention the risk of losing) for a lousy $5,000?

So in getting a letter like this, which would be a stretch to call harassment or inflicting distress, would be difficult to really do anything about. Further, there are no actual monetary damages to them to be able to recover.

I know our culture makes it seem like you can sue someone for anything but you really can't.

For example, I spent a week in the hospital with salmonella. They gave me the wrong drugs and lost my stool sample to test for the bacteria. I wanted to sue for malpractice because they hurt me! No lawyer would take it because I wasn't out any actual money.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:58 AM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 08:19 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 11:51 PM)Gordon Wrote:  A lot of what I read simply doesn't make sense to me. You have service dogs, but you jog and are now armed (so you're very physically fit and can see), and yet they run without a leash. I'm not getting that. I mean, I don't understand it.

You were attacked; you sued and settled--for what sounds like a pretty hefty amount.

Now you want to write a letter?

It seems to me you might be a lot happier if you just ran a different route. I say that because the next mauling might lead some attorney to ask: "You knew their gate was open, you had unleashed dogs with you, a firearm, and you've been sending them letters. So, why were you willingly putting yourself in danger--even after you were attacked? And why didn't you call animal control?"

I definitely feel bad that you were so badly injured, but your course of action doesn't sound right to me. Just for your own safety and peace of mind, leave the service dogs at home, leave the gun at home, forget the poisoned pen letters, and run another route.

Because, I'll tell you what, I get a bad feeling about this. I think the next time something goes down, you're going to be the one being sued. Maybe you'll shoot one of their dogs. Maybe you'll miss and endanger or injure someone else. Maybe they'll take out a restraining order against you. Maybe you'll be killed by their then adult German Shepherd. Maybe you'll be arrested for brandishing a firearm.

I say this with the greatest respect: It's not worth it. Run another route.

And good luck. Yes

I was out so much money I just broke even. The homeowners were underinsured.

The dog was aggressive but had not hurt anyone yet to my knowledge. I am not disabled. My service dogs are search and rescue. We service the community free of charge. Because i don't get paid for it, I use my running as off-leash obedience training as the most efficient use of my time. (I have to work my paying job too) They are working dogs. As an aside - there are lots of disabilities that you can't see. There are service dogs for more than the immobile or blind. Forgive me, but that statement makes you sound very ignorant.

I was attacked in the middle of a public street. It's my neighborhood, why shouldn't I run through it? I have no choice but to pass their house if I want to run - they live at the entrance of the development for which there is only one entrance in and out. Animal control can't be called unless the attack you, which they were after it happened.

It sounds like you are victim blaming. That I shouldn't have been there because I knew he was aggressive and potentially dangerous.

It's potentially dangerous to run on the road (there is no sidewalks in my development) because I could get hit by a car. Does that mean I shouldn't go and it would be my fault because I knew the risk? Gimme a break dude.

I didn't start running with a weapon until after I was attacked. It is concealed. I don't run with it strapped to my thigh like tomb raider or anything. I am also within my right to have it. I have a permit for it.

Your suggestion is appreciated, but I will probably not take it. In your scenario, I give up my power, my freedom and allow the fear of something happening to me dictate my behavior. Fear does not control me, I control it.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Cathym112's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: