When the need for closure is great.
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16-01-2014, 06:33 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
How on earth was the dog not put down? It attacked you. That is outrageous. I love dogs and and have had many of my own, albeit little ones but if any of them had been aggressive and gone for someone, let alone inflicting the kid of injuries you had they would have been put down immediately.

Onto the point of the letter. My parents received one recently from a woman who basically accused them of polluting some farmland they had leased off her father 30 years ago. It was fraught and emotional and receiving it was extremely distressing for them. The things she was accusing them off were largely, but not completely, without merit. Our first response was to go into defensive mode but by taking apart the letter and the semantics we constructed a response which addressed her real intentions. No long afterwards my Dad got a phone call from her and now they are best buddies.

If the object of the letter is to vent and blame I wouldn't send it unless you are prepared to start a shit fight which I don't think you really want to do. Ask yourself what are other people seriously meant to do with your emotions? If the object is to get some meaningful change and action and influence behaviour then go for it. Know your audience. Know your outcomes. Don't assume people will feel contrition.
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18-01-2014, 01:09 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(15-01-2014 06:49 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Update: The settlement check has been deposited as of last week. I thought perhaps the check in my bank account would settle the issue for me. But no dice.

I am going to send the letter. I cannot let this go until I do. I am tired of "fighting" with them in my mind every time I run. Fantasizing about what I should have said to the wife when she yelled at me afterward...etc. I want to just put it behind me and I can't until I've said what I need to say.

Girly don't think no good will come of it, feels like poking a hornets' nest with a stick, but you do what you gotta do. Thumbsup

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
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Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
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18-01-2014, 01:56 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
Used to have a bloke down the road from us when I was growing up. Used to dread going past his house. He had 4 vicious dogs. And his fence had holes. Eventually someone *did* get bitten and the police shot all of his dogs. All 'cos he was too bloody useless to secure his fence... It's not rocket science, it's common courtesy to do this. I support sending the letter. If his dog dies because he's a fool then he's even more to blame.

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-01-2014, 10:53 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(18-01-2014 01:09 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(15-01-2014 06:49 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Update: The settlement check has been deposited as of last week. I thought perhaps the check in my bank account would settle the issue for me. But no dice.

I am going to send the letter. I cannot let this go until I do. I am tired of "fighting" with them in my mind every time I run. Fantasizing about what I should have said to the wife when she yelled at me afterward...etc. I want to just put it behind me and I can't until I've said what I need to say.

Girly don't think no good will come of it, feels like poking a hornets' nest with a stick, but you do what you gotta do. Thumbsup

Girly, the only thing that is really gonna happen is that they are going to either have a lawyer send me a cease and desist letter, or they will call the police, who won't be able to press any charges (it doesn't meet the harassment definition), but the cop might come have a chat with me.

In EITHER of this situations, they formally acknowledge that they received and read the letter...which contains written notice that their gate is being left open, and that their new German Shepherd is showing signs of aggression. Now - if something happens with this new dog - they cannot rely on New York's one bite rule, which allows dog owners to deny liability EXCEPT for when they "'knew or should have known" the dog had vicious propensities. They cannot claim - if they do anything with the letter - that they didn't know their new dog would attack anyone, or that they were unaware of their fence situation.

Other than that - what can do they do to me without getting arrested for it? They can't hurt me - thats assault. They can't hurt my dogs - they are protected as service dogs the same a police officer is. The worst they can do is yell obscenities at me...and I have headphones for that.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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20-01-2014, 07:18 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
everything points to sending the letter - I hope your pursuit of family is going better; but I think you should move as well. They're just going to keep getting dogs, I had neighbors like this, dog dies, get a new one, dog runs away, get a new one, dog kills two other dogs, get 3 more dogs. It was endless, they didn't care. You're never going to have peace living near these people.
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20-01-2014, 11:44 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(15-01-2014 06:49 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Update: The settlement check has been deposited as of last week. I thought perhaps the check in my bank account would settle the issue for me. But no dice.

I am going to send the letter. I cannot let this go until I do. I am tired of "fighting" with them in my mind every time I run. Fantasizing about what I should have said to the wife when she yelled at me afterward...etc. I want to just put it behind me and I can't until I've said what I need to say.


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20-01-2014, 11:49 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(20-01-2014 07:18 AM)ADPW Wrote:  everything points to sending the letter - I hope your pursuit of family is going better; but I think you should move as well. They're just going to keep getting dogs, I had neighbors like this, dog dies, get a new one, dog runs away, get a new one, dog kills two other dogs, get 3 more dogs. It was endless, they didn't care. You're never going to have peace living near these people.


I actually thought about that. We are contemplating buying a new house in a different neighborhood. Trouble is, I LOVE this neighborhood except for them. I have a lot of friends in this neighborhood that are in my same life stage. I don't want to lose that.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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20-01-2014, 11:50 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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20-01-2014, 02:43 PM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
At OP, you might not have gotten your day in court, but they are paying bills for your settlement, so they will remember for quite a while.

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21-01-2014, 10:31 AM
RE: When the need for closure is great.
(02-01-2014 08:38 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  I did consult an attorney. As long as I don't publish the letter it's not libel or slander, and as long as I don't threaten or send multiple letters it's not harassment.

It might not be harassment by legal definition but in the minds of irresponsible dog owners it's easy to imagine them interpreting it with prejudice and needing conflict. These people don't go away.

I sympathize with your desire to affirm your rights because having my mind occupied by uninvited and unwelcome negativity is unacceptable. Is it passive to live a good life in front of your foes who suffer emotional stupidity?

I'm really impressed with how deliberate and thoughtful you are given the circumstances. You're an excellent example.

ron
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