When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
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28-07-2014, 08:11 PM
When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
So for those of you who are single, at what point during a potential new relationship do you bring up your atheism? I very recently became an atheist, and have not dated since de-converting. This weekend, I met someone and he gave me his number. We chatted on the phone tonight, and will be planning a first date. Religion didn't come up in the conversation, and I didn't really get any clues about his religious views. I know it's just one date, but if there are any deal breakers, I'd like to find out sooner rather than later. Apparently, atheism is a huge deal breaker for a lot of people, and honestly, a person who is extremely religious would probably be a deal breaker for me. So, when and how do you bring it up?
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28-07-2014, 08:17 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
(28-07-2014 08:11 PM)beeglez Wrote:  So for those of you who are single, at what point during a potential new relationship do you bring up your atheism? I very recently became an atheist, and have not dated since de-converting. This weekend, I met someone and he gave me his number. We chatted on the phone tonight, and will be planning a first date. Religion didn't come up in the conversation, and I didn't really get any clues about his religious views. I know it's just one date, but if there are any deal breakers, I'd like to find out sooner rather than later. Apparently, atheism is a huge deal breaker for a lot of people, and honestly, a person who is extremely religious would probably be a deal breaker for me. So, when and how do you bring it up?

Are you in the US?

I would think if he was extremely religious you would have picked up on it, or at least had a clue, every extremely religious person I have met can't keep their trap shut about their religion.

So since you don't seem to be seeing any warning signs so far, I would say the odds are in your favor that he isn't all gung-ho


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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28-07-2014, 08:24 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
I'd say don't worry about it until the issue comes up, and then play it casual when it does. Are you at all worried about dating a believer? If not, I say if the topic arises, and you have differing views, try to brush it off as just a difference in opinion, and move on. Unless they turn out to be fundamentalist in some way. I don't know how a fundamentalist and an atheist could have a relationship, but it could work. I think us atheists are more likely to have luck with desists if we end up with a believer of some kind.

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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28-07-2014, 08:34 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
(28-07-2014 08:24 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I'd say don't worry about it until the issue comes up, and then play it casual when it does. Are you at all worried about dating a believer? If not, I say if the topic arises, and you have differing views, try to brush it off as just a difference in opinion, and move on. Unless they turn out to be fundamentalist in some way. I don't know how a fundamentalist and an atheist could have a relationship, but it could work. I think us atheists are more likely to have luck with desists if we end up with a believer of some kind.

Bows and arrows, yes I am in the US. You are right. Most religious folks, especially the fundamentalist, are very outspoken. He would probably have invited me to church or somehow mentioned how good god had been in providing him his job, musical talent, etc.

Smercury,
I'm not necessarily worried about dating a casual believer because that is pretty much what I was most of my adult life. If he's a fundamentalist, that would be a deal breaker.
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28-07-2014, 08:36 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
I'd bring up my atheism before we were in a relationship. Might as well know something that important upfront, especially here in america when people actually care about silly crap like that.
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28-07-2014, 08:39 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
(28-07-2014 08:36 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I'd bring up my atheism before we were in a relationship. Might as well know something that important upfront, especially here in america when people actually care about silly crap like that.

Hobbit has a good point, casual dating: leave the subject alone. If things get serious: the topic will likely come up organically, it probably should be known that you are an atheist before things get super serious.

I still like the casual approach. That's the one I took with my husband who is more of a deist / casual believer than anything else. Yes

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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28-07-2014, 08:42 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
(28-07-2014 08:39 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  
(28-07-2014 08:36 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I'd bring up my atheism before we were in a relationship. Might as well know something that important upfront, especially here in america when people actually care about silly crap like that.

Hobbit has a good point, casual dating: leave the subject alone. If things get serious: the topic will likely come up organically, it probably should be known that you are an atheist before things get super serious.

I still like the casual approach. That's the one I took with my husband who is more of a deist / casual believer than anything else. Yes

Exactly, keep it casual but don't wait for things to be serious before mentioning anything. Thats how people get hurt!
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28-07-2014, 08:44 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
For me the sooner the better. I'd like to know what's what before I have a strong emotional attachment invested in this person.
You never know, he might even tell you he's an atheist, what a great thing to find out on a first date. Thumbsup
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28-07-2014, 09:09 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
Within the first few dates, but as a casually talked about subject, not as a "I have something to tell you" type of thing.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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28-07-2014, 11:57 PM
RE: When to bring up atheism in a new relationship
Being atheist or theist is a huge part of who a person is--the identifying mark certainly. I can't imagine it would not naturally come out early in a new relationship, say no later than the third get together.

For myself, it's the foundation stone when building a friendship, a huge chunk of who I am.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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