Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
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21-06-2017, 04:33 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
I find this thread terribly, terribly sad.

I have a wonderful relationship with my brother and his family, my sister and her family, and my mom. (My dad's been gone for a number of years.) I know, without a doubt, that if I were to run into trouble in any way, shape or form, all of them would be right there for me.

If I were in jail, my brother would probably be right beside me, saying, "Sure we got busted, but DAYUM that was fun, wasn't it?!"
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21-06-2017, 04:36 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
(21-06-2017 04:33 PM)Heath_Tierney Wrote:  I find this thread terribly, terribly sad.

I have a wonderful relationship with my brother and his family, my sister and her family, and my mom. (My dad's been gone for a number of years.) I know, without a doubt, that if I were to run into trouble in any way, shape or form, all of them would be right there for me.

If I were in jail, my brother would probably be right beside me, saying, "Sure we got busted, but DAYUM that was fun, wasn't it?!"

My mother worked hard to alienate us from family all our lives. She thrives on that sort of stuff.

If I ended up in prison, I would have to hope it wasn't in Iowa where my brother is a prison guard. Undecided

I envy people with loving families they feel they can depend on.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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21-06-2017, 05:30 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
At least 25 years ago my wife's just younger sister Carolyn pushed my wife, her son and myself out of her life for good. Weird because I thought we'd been close. They live full day's drive away but we'd stayed with them and gone camping a lot. But the reason had nothing to do with our relationship.

Her sister who has written children's books attended a 'recovered memories' group to research a book she wanted to write. At some point she asked my wife Lia if she remembered her father or his brother (their uncle) doing anything inappropriate with them. She didn't. Then Carolyn wrote her parents a damning letter saying she wanted nothing more to do with them but without saying why. My wife put two and two together and explained what was going on.

To be honest, when we first heard her charges we thought there might be something to it and wondered how we would support her father to deal with it. That was back when "The Courage to Heal" had come out and many celebrities came out with their own stories of having been abused sexually. So we were disposed to expect there to be something to it. But Lia had no experience of any such thing having happened. Then, when she asked Carolyn for details of what had happened she turned on her too. We had no more contact from them and they would not take our calls or answer our letters.

It was pretty bad for her parents. When her mother died, Carolyn wrote her father to say she hoped this would be a time of remembering. We found out about the Recovered Memory syndrome newsletter and were dumbfounded to find out how widely this experience of 'recovering' memories and then scapegoating ones parents had spread. It was an eye opener to realize how loose oversight there was of people with degrees to perform psychotherapy. The buyer really, really needs to beware when pursuing such care .. sadly because that is often when one is most vulnerable and incapable of making the choice.

In my own family, my older brother was a rat bastard of a guy who I finally just stopped seeing or talking to. My youngest brother and I are close. My only other living brother is a holy roller but I still care about him. But my sister who has always been a racist conservative has been insufferable ever since the Trump election. Oh, and I have a cousin who is apt to call any group to pray at any moment, but he has moved back east so it doesn't take a lot of effort to avoid him. It now seems like a miracle if you have any family you get along well with. I sure don't take my youngest brother, his wife or their kids for granted and we seem them frequently.

“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”

― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
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21-06-2017, 05:49 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
I no longer speak to my half-brothers. We all have the same father but weren't raised together. After my half-sister died, we'd visit and talk on the phone. But when we didn't always accept the collect phone calls and didn't send money to all the nieces & nephews, suddenly they didn't find us important.

I have a cousin I don't talk to, but he's an asshole for many reasons.

The half-brothers I have no problems with not even claiming them as family. My cousin? Well, if he needed bone marrow, I'd get tested. That's about it. Every now and then, a part of me wonders what it would be like if things had been different. I don't live near any family except my immediate family, so one day there's a good chance I'll be 100% alone.
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22-06-2017, 02:44 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
Thank you all for your stories. I'd wondered what others' experiences were. It's been about 6 months since my dad told me not to talk to him anymore unless I did so as my dead-named identity. Yesterday my step-mom, his wife, contacted me to say "Happy first day of summer" and quote a big ol' Bible quote to me. I had a lot of mixed feelings about how I wanted to respond. Thinking about that made me think about how these sorts of messes happen and how long they last.

Most of my family is pretty great, though I don't interact much with cousins and uncles and stuff. My dad has basically been the most judgey of anyone in my family. I don't have much in the way of hope that he'll come around, and I can't meet him on his terms- so that leaves this divide that will probably never be closed. It's such a shame that this happens in so many families.
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22-06-2017, 03:45 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
My grandmother told everyone in her (yes mine too) family told everyone that I was a non-believer...this was actually before I was a non-believer...

She routinely told anyone that would listen that I didn't care..blah blah blah.

This went on forever. As a direct result, no one in that family would acknowledge my existence on the planet. If they did, it would be to say, "you should turn back to god, and be nice to your grandmother."

Seriously? I was never not nice.

While she was giving $800 a month to her church and running around town and crying poor to family, I was trying to make pennies bend double to put food on our table and pay our mortgage.

No, she never gave us a penny.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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22-06-2017, 04:28 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
I am estranged with my family for more than a couple of years now. They have cut off with me since I left Islam and I have apparently brought shame to them by leaving Islam. Before I left home, I was called "Murtad" and they hoped that I die soon. Even one of my uncle's family have threatened to kill me because punishment for apostasy in Islam is death. Moreover, my family wanted to marry off my sister to one of my enemies (who is also a member of a recognized extremist political family) so he could "take care" of me Smile
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22-06-2017, 04:51 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
There was a rift with my brothers-in-law after their mother's funeral, because they felt that I took too much control and acted as if I were her daughter, instead of just the daughter that she never had, who moved the house around by herself to make the master bedroom into a "nest" for her during her last years. The one who took in all her special things and furniture that they and their wives didn't want and made a place for them in her new home with us. The one who took her cats and birds home to live with us, the last of which just died at nearly 24 years old, 13 years after her death. The one who made her a flower garden outside the master bedroom bay window and buried that ancient cat there this Spring and filled it with petunias because I loved her mistress so very, very much. The one who for the last 20 years of her life took her to all her appointments, took her grocery shopping, did all her Christmas shopping and traveled down that road of cancer pain and fear with her. The one who bathed her when she needed, held her when she needed and let her go when she needed.

I needed to apologize to them for forgetting my place as "not blood." Her sister said they "needed to kiss my feet."

We did not speak or meet for 7 years shortly after the funeral, excepting a time when some legal deed work was being done and then I was business-like when my husband had to meet with them.

Finally, a thaw with weddings and grandchildren and chance meetings at ball games and a decision made that it was more important to keep something with his brothers. My memory lets me forget and forget is what I did. I thought I would never forgive, but his one brother and his wife seem to have some dementia or something that has allowed them to really forget and I think his wife is finally on the right meds and they have both retired and are just so HAPPY. So..I think I have forgiven..or something.

No, I think I am just accepting a new reality with them and it is okay.

The other brother and his wife are bitter people, but he is okay if he is drinking. We are cordial, but even the brother we associate with consider them to be nuts.

So...yeah, sometimes family sucks.

On my side, my siblings and I seem to be able to do "terrible" things and we still get unconditional love from each other. That is the way my kids are, too. "You are an asshole at times, but I love you...so what can I do to help you get through this life?" More often than not, however, we all get along amazingly well.

I have sympathy for those who are totally estranged from their families. But...you know, sometimes it is for the best. Sometimes you just have to save yourself.

"The Ox is slow, but the Earth is patient."
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22-06-2017, 05:39 PM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
My only living relative is my niece and I am not talking to her. She stole a bunch of money from me. She said she would pay it back in small payments - never saw one payment.

I stopped all contact with her almost 20 years ago.

That's not the only reason - she also belongs to some Jesus cult and can't speak two sentences without mentioning jebus or the cult. She know I am an atheist, so she always made a point of marveling at nature and how the creator has to have been in charge of this intelligent design. It got old fast.

There are some cousins I used to see at summer get-togethers when I was a kid, but I lost track of them and we weren't really close anyway.

Better to choose the people one wants close. My parents were just the usual, loving, caring, dysfunctional people and I always kept in touch throughout their lives. I also stayed close to several aunts. But that generation is all gone now. And I will have no part of my niece - life is too short for all that drama.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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23-06-2017, 03:20 AM
RE: Who's had Family Stop Talking to You?
I personally had it for a short while, many years ago, which was mainly about my ex girlfriend. My parents thought she was bad for me (she was as it turned out) but I was thinking "I like her, so must defend her, you are wrong". The went so far as to cause issues at my mum/step dads house and I moved out for a short while. Also really stressed me out, giving me like tension headaches and stuff. Not long after I saw exactly what they meant and we broke up, which was my decision.

Barring that, not me, but we don't really speak with my Uncle any more. With my family being very "diverse" (lots of marriages/divorces/re-marriages/moving around the country(s) etc) he's one my few "full blood" relatives, yet is a total arsehole of the highest order. He scammed various family members (including my grandad, his dad and his nan) out of money for reasons we'll never know. My dad speaks with him every now and again, but they quickly start arguing. Luckily they don't live anywhere near each other and it's all on the phone. I last spoke to him when my daughter was born, which was 7 years ago, and that was because my dad texted him and TOLD him to ring me about it lol.

Ahhh....Family.

"you can choose your friends, but not your family" - Harper Lee

I don't want Fop, goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man!
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