Who wants a covenant with god?
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21-01-2015, 08:14 AM
Who wants a covenant with god?
Went to church the last 3 or 4 weeks to see get some new information for my book. They handed out this "Covenant" that they want you to fill out and sign. Thought you guys might get a kick out of it. I could barely suffer through the last service as it was all about how if you haven't gotten results, maybe it's because you haven't trusted god enough. ConsiderWeeping

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Remember, just because you want something to be true, doesn't make it true. Yes, even if you have faith.
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21-01-2015, 08:40 AM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
[Image: 9e7a310fbb954ae507fe035282d1ebd7bbcda278...004ba2.jpg]

It always comes down to money doesn't it?

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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21-01-2015, 08:59 AM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
At least it is only good for 2015. After that you are off the hook. He wants tithes and offerings? Maybe you should take a lamb to church and sacrifice it as an offering.
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21-01-2015, 10:00 AM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
(21-01-2015 08:14 AM)microterf Wrote:  Went to church the last 3 or 4 weeks to see get some new information for my book. They handed out this "Covenant" that they want you to fill out and sign.

You should tell then that you will give him "his tithes" by burning the bills on an altar at your house so that the smoke will rise up and be a pleasing scent to him.

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21-01-2015, 10:12 AM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
Bring a pot luck offering to the hungry...sacrifice a lamb like Inigo said or a dove...WAIT! A first born! Yeah, that's the ticket Evil_monster

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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21-01-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
Sorry, I can't sign it, because the tithe fairy took all the spare tithes I had.

@DonaldTrump, Patriotism is not honoring your flag no matter what your country/leader does. It's doing whatever it takes to make your country the best it can be as long as its not violent.
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21-01-2015, 01:05 PM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
Sign it, then sue for breach of contract when god does nothing as promised. Tongue
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21-01-2015, 01:11 PM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
How do you pay a dead man or a spiritual entity a tithe? This seems very important as it is on the list. How do you do this?
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21-01-2015, 01:29 PM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
Sorry, someone beat you to it. My tithe god goes by the name "IRS."

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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21-01-2015, 04:06 PM
RE: Who wants a covenant with god?
They did this crap when I went to church with my parents. We had to fill out pledge cards saying how much offering we would give every week. There was even a sermon where the pastor said we weren't giving enough and we had to sing songs about giving to make us feel guilty.
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