Who/what made your ego?
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17-11-2011, 03:34 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2011 03:39 PM by Peterkin.)
Who/what made your ego?
So much of what we believe and how we relate to the world is a function of how we think of ourselves, what kind of person we think we are.
So, i wonder: who or what formed your self-image? And has it changed within your memory? If so, how and why?
What, if anything, damages your self-image - makes you feel smaller, less sure of yourself?

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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17-11-2011, 03:40 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
(17-11-2011 03:34 PM)Peterkin Wrote:  So much of what we believe and how we relate to the world is a function of how we think of ourselves, what kind of person we think we are.
So, i wonder: who or what formed your self-image? And has it changed within your memory? If so, how and why?
What, if anything, damages your self-image - makes you feel smaller, less sure of yourself?

Interestingly enough, these questions are why I'm in therapy twice a week. I'll let you know what my therapist tells me to say about this.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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17-11-2011, 03:44 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
My ego? Oh my you'll regret asking that question.

I've gone through a few shifts in my ego until I became how I am. This current state is permenent. I have realised so much and become aware of everything. I am about as self aware as they get. The cause of my current mind set is this world. I have learned that this world is a fucked up rock and we are not helping the situation. So I reasoned that someone must rise above it all. Not to rule, no. But rather to observe and learn. when the time comes I will make my move and it will be without flaw for I have observed all possible outcomes. Until that time I must find ways to amuse myself so that's why I'm here now.

NEW AND IMPROVED!
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17-11-2011, 03:51 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
I'm a bit of an egotistical maniac. I think I border on having a superiority complex if I'm honest.

I think it's down to me being a product of my environment. At primary school I was miles ahead of other kids, at high school I was always top set for everything and I live in a family of creationists as the only atheist. It would be enough to make most people arrogant. Only problem is my arrogance led to me slacking off at school and wasting my abilities. I am now probably wasting my life and have no reason to be so full of myself but my mind's having trouble switching mindsets. I'm only 19 though, I could go in any direction, only time will tell.

I just read that back and I'm basically saying 'I'm an asshole' in a far more complex way Big Grin. I suppose that could sum me up actually. I have trouble labelling my personality as it changes drastically depending on my mood. I can literally go from being the nicest person on the planet to the biggest dickhead on the planet in the space of about 30 seconds without even realising it.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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17-11-2011, 04:26 PM
 
RE: Who/what made your ego?
(17-11-2011 03:34 PM)Peterkin Wrote:  So much of what we believe and how we relate to the world is a function of how we think of ourselves, what kind of person we think we are.
So, i wonder: who or what formed your self-image? And has it changed within your memory? If so, how and why?
What, if anything, damages your self-image - makes you feel smaller, less sure of yourself?

I am old enough to know who I am. I was always confident and opinionated, but the final change in my ego happened when I decided to fully embrace doubt about everything.

As Feynman said in the video Kim posted: "I assign different levels of probability to everything I believe in". Nothin has 0%, not even god (0.00001%) and nothing has 100%, not even the theory of my own perfection (99.9999% Tongue).

Science teaches you to doubt everything and most scientists apply it in their work -- very few apply it in their personal life.

Doubt is a wonderful thing: it keeps you safe, it keeps your mind open, it makes you feel you are in control: free to change your mind at any time, if new evidence warrants it.

So, my ego is pretty secure and has not been damaged by anything for decades. That may make me a 'monster', but that is all right because I sincerely doubt that I am one. Big Grin
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17-11-2011, 05:22 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
Some people - and i have reason to believe that a few are here - were formed in religious homes, where children were told to be humble and insignificant; seen and not heard; full of original sin that must be stamped out. That is a negative early self-image which renders the person afraid to speak up or make independent decisions.
Therefore, when they began to doubt, their repressed ego began to emerge. This would be a monumental change in a person's attitude toward the world.

On the other hand, a child whose parents encouraged questions, critical thought and intellectual non-conformity would have a quite different attitude from the start.

In either case, relationships, experiences, travel, education, failures and successes would change how a person saw hemself, and therefore, how s/he would then approach others.

That's the kind of thing i was hoping for.

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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17-11-2011, 06:17 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
ya know how paul was perfected in weakness by god's sufficient grace?

ellenjanuary was perfected in absurdity by god's sufficient comedy.

i am the unwording
uncomfortable in discerning
memory
from mythology
causality
from calamity
where my family
periodicity
from the table
of the elements

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17-11-2011, 07:36 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
(17-11-2011 05:22 PM)Peterkin Wrote:  Some people - and i have reason to believe that a few are here - were formed in religious homes, where children were told to be humble and insignificant; seen and not heard; full of original sin that must be stamped out. That is a negative early self-image which renders the person afraid to speak up or make independent decisions.
Therefore, when they began to doubt, their repressed ego began to emerge. This would be a monumental change in a person's attitude toward the world.

On the other hand, a child whose parents encouraged questions, critical thought and intellectual non-conformity would have a quite different attitude from the start.

In either case, relationships, experiences, travel, education, failures and successes would change how a person saw himself, and therefore, how s/he would then approach others.

That's the kind of thing i was hoping for.

I answered glibly, but there was also honesty in my prior post. I really am in therapy twice a week and it really is because of trying to answer the question of who am I? It's pretty lonely when the Voice stops in your head. For 40+ years I knew my "identity in Christ"...see? There is a catchy cliche to cover questions about "who am I?" I am made in the Imago Dei. I am an inheritor of the Kingdom. I am a child of God. I didn't have to wonder who I was. Of course, I didn't like myself very much either. After all, I was just as great a purporter of sin as those foolish atheists who worship satan. I just had had the luxury of knowing and receiving God's Grace.

When the Voice in my head went away, there was only one voice left, and that was Erxomai, the one that didn't like who I was, and that voice became more prevalent as I realized I've wasted the better part of my 46 years on superstition. And not just years. A lot of money went into Christian College and Theological Seminary education. It turns out that Fuller Theological Seminary will not give you a refund on your tuition if you mail your diploma back to them.

My successes in life are now deemed as huge failures now. I can't bear to think of the people I hurt through doctrine. Did the youth I taught get as royally F'd up by their beliefs because of me as I was because of those that went before me? Relationships that never happened or were horribly ruined because I feared what kind of sexual sinner I was?

I'm in a pretty raw place because of religion. I'm trying hard to not be bitter and to find out who the Real Erxomai really is. So...I look forward to returning to this thread from time to time so see how my identity evolves (heh...nice word) over the next decades.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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17-11-2011, 07:40 PM
RE: Who/what made your ego?
well in the beginning I was a negative, not what everyone said I was. And then I was molested and the world was horrible. Through that I learned a need to fight against selflessness in order to survive. And I picked up around 12 years old that everything is just a probability. I share your view Zatamon. But the best shift in me came from my current long distance partner. She's the one who convinced me I'm not disgusting. I had always felt repulsive due to my negative beginning. The big problem I still have is the feeling of loneliness I'm not sure how to shake that one it keeps me from really seeming stable all the time.

oh um my ego came from my surroundings and I have always been actively trying to repair the damage caused by those surroundings.

Religion existed for me as a kid but I never really gave it a chance to be an important part of my life.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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18-11-2011, 04:06 AM (This post was last modified: 18-11-2011 04:49 AM by bemore.)
RE: Who/what made your ego?
I think it is important to question what makes us.......us. As I think its something that isnt really conciously given that much thought and to be honest without deep contemplation and time..........and brutal and painfull honesty we may never know......and the answers are not even guaranteed.....our identity is simply something we have faith in, something we take for granted.

I spent a few years looking into hypnotherapy and it started a massive journey into learning about concious and subconcious thoughts......I see the human condition as a blank canvas.....we all basicly start off as equal to some degree and are all similar to what our initial needs are. Babies need the human touch to live......it has been studied that if a infant recieves no contact then it can die. Babies cry for a need.....if a baby crys and doesnt recieve these needs then it will learn quite quickly a huge sense of seperation and that crying out for attention is quite a pointless task. On the other hand if too much attention is given then it can become dependant on these needs and have a sense of reliance.

Our sub c is I think is a vital tool for learning and survival......however with concious thought it can become quite warped and irrational. How many times have you seen a child fall over and hurt themselves.......it is only when they look and see the concerned look on there parents face that they begin to cry.

Fears can taught directly and in-directly. You could potentially grow up seeing your parents "freak out" when they see a spider......this in turn can lead you to fear spiders even though you have had no direct bad experience yourself. Your fear in that sense can be seen as quite irrational.

Even though I am quite open minded about a lot of things I am fully aware that I am not completly in control of my thoughts.......that my concious thoughts are all decisions based upon my sub concious.....so I am in fact a prisoner to myself. I have overcome certain fears of mine.....like heights for example. Even though I am in control of my thoughts and actions that doesnt stop my heart from racing and me feeling adrenaline pump round my system......again Im still a prisoner and until I can pinpoint what it is in my early life......beyond my memories.....that make me think this way and try to resolve it/release it I will forever be shackled by it.
We are all in some way or another "damaged"

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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