Why I am Jesus Christ

[morondog]

(26-11-2013 11:47 PM)sporehux Wrote:  that could have been sung by a TXT to speech program FFS,

I have a cactus here claims he got an appointment with your rear end.

[Kegel Monster]

You're clearly taking those scriptures out of context..

[Rahn127]

Claiming to be Jesus will only get you tortured and nailed to a cross again.

But hey, I'm willing if you are

[EvolutionKills]

(27-11-2013 03:21 AM)Rahn127 Wrote:  Claiming to be Jesus will only get you tortured and nailed to a cross again.

But hey, I'm willing if you are

It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

[PursuingTruth]

hmm, jokes about virginity of mother.. check, jokes about hanging out with men.. check, Jokes about beastiality.. check, I see nailing jokes has been done, hmmm.. where should i start?

I thought the second coming of christ was about how he impregnated Mary Magdalene..

[Dark Light]

(26-11-2013 05:49 PM)ALMASSAH Wrote:  I am Jesus, he who takes away the sins of the world!
Why you ask?

Look at the scriptural evidence!

Hebrews 9:28

Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.


My parents were waiting for me for 10 years, and I was their only son!

Jude 1:14

It was also about these that Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied, saying, “Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of his holy ones,


My followers, while not on the tens of thousands, are also identified by reputable karmic readers to be the reincarnations of various famous Christian figures! I have even met and converted someone known to be an avatar of the Archangel Metatron!

1 Thessalonians 3:13

So that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.

My baptisms have already cleansed the nervous systems of bad karma deeds as much as 5 lifetimes back!

Why do I come here? Because I hate atheism! I need to show you that your sins are ready to be forgiven, your moksha, your Heavenly father is ready to receive you in the next life!

I don't hate atheists, but atheism. I love everyone!

To any Christians on the forum:

Behold the lamb of God! Behold he who takes away the sins of the world!

Blessed are you, who have striven through the generations, it is time to be received in Heaven, for in 27 years the spiritual rapture will occur (as proven by none other than Newton!) and all Christian's sins will be raptured away along with their souls, only to descend on the Judgment day as angels! Just follow me and listen to my Word, and salvation will be AT HAND!!!!

My website will be up soon but in the meantime, if you need a question, PM me!

What is your respond?

You too huh?

Welcome to the forum, Jesus! Please save me! I have sinned! I have no doubt you are Him!

Also, I have a case of water in my basement, I'm running low on bread, and only have a few cans of tuna left. If you could help a brother in Christ out it would surely be appreciated.

Amen!

[PursuingTruth]

Give a man a can of tuna, he will eat for a day, turn his water into wine and he will die of dehydration or alcohol poisoning.

[Dark Light]

(27-11-2013 05:03 AM)PursuingTruth Wrote:  Give a man a can of tuna, he will eat for a day, turn his water into wine and he will die of dehydration or alcohol poisoning.

He didn't have a problem with it before. Not cool, man. Not cool. Besides, even if I did...

[DemonicLemon]

You know what, I am going to apologize for any rude statements I said in this thread.

Almassah, I believe you. You are the wisest one here, the strongest, the bravest.

That is why I ask you to delve deep inside me.

Almassah, reading your posts awokened a fire inside me that until now, only pornography could light. That is why I must be with you, and even if I cannot be your Mary Magdalene (which I am a reincarnation of btw) then I at least want to help ease any stress you have facing the atheist crowds.

DemonicLemon <3 Almassah

[Hafnof]

(26-11-2013 07:36 PM)Vosur Wrote:  Please wait in line with all the other incarnations of Christ.

They're all Christ. Don't you know?

Quote:“Look, he is coming with the clouds,”
and “every eye will see him,
even those who pierced him”;
and all peoples on earth “will mourn because of him.”
So shall it be! Amen. - Revelation 1:7

Every eye will see him. Don't you see? God hasn't figured out this TV or Internet thingy yet, so he just sent a bunch of guys so you wouldn't have to drive very far.