Why am I anti-theist?
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12-10-2013, 04:25 AM
Why am I anti-theist?
'Cause gawd wills it. Tongue

I once applied mathematical chicanery to grammar to run an experiment in theology, went like this:

Approach some random Christian, look him in the eye, and say with complete sincerity-

I will burn in hell for you.

Faith allowed this minor deceit through the functioning of you being both singular and plural, so when it appeared I was offering up my soul for this chump, I was actually - of course - addressing the you of Gwyneth Paltrow. (Yeah, I'm quite fucking nuts about that girl.)

But I had to know that hell did not exist, and it was proven in the eyes of the Christian. They could not comprehend what I was proclaiming, as my faith, my commitment was palpable. And they looked at me like I was some kind of sub-human; clearly telling me afterwards that - basically - without hell, there is no point.

And then, being a prophet and all, I got this "divine mandate" - Imma supposed to kill these motherfuckers.

But years went by, and I kinda chilled - yet then again, there's days like today, when I drift in here in between collecting Gwynnies from the other tabs, and there's some clownstick like PissJuice or ex-troubador...

...when I'm reminded of that divine mandate.

And seriously, chlorinating this scum out of the gene pool is only gonna benefit society... Consider

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12-10-2013, 05:30 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
Seriously bro, you should seek professional help about this Gwyneth thing of yours.

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12-10-2013, 05:34 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
(12-10-2013 05:30 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  Seriously bro, you should seek professional help about this Gwyneth thing of yours.

How do you think I became a government sponsored psychopath? Big Grin

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12-10-2013, 05:41 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
Big Grin
well, in that case, I guess it's ok.



But why Gwyneth? You could've picked somebody who's hot.
Tongue

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12-10-2013, 05:43 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
When are you going to start and...

Is there anything we can do to help?

Smile

ps As you tally the body count, don't forget to show your working (for full marks) and be careful with your sin tax.

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12-10-2013, 05:49 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
(12-10-2013 05:41 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  But why Gwyneth? You could've picked somebody who's hot.
Tongue

Ohmy

(12-10-2013 05:43 AM)DLJ Wrote:  When are you going to start...

Ding ding! I think we have a volunteer. Evil_monster

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12-10-2013, 05:53 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
Yabut, do you realise that hell for you equates to a Gwyniless eternity?

Can you handle it?

No

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12-10-2013, 06:03 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
(12-10-2013 05:53 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Yabut, do you realise that hell for you equates to a Gwyniless eternity?

Can you handle it?

No

Actually, yeah. All I am, now, is hydrogen with an attitude, and I really can hardly wait to lose the attitude. Thumbsup

The woo I'm guilty of is tao. The glory of Gwyneth balances the loathing of life; no life, no Gwynnies, that too is tao. Heart

And besides, one day my hydrogen shall meet her hydrogen - and it'll be - explosive. Tongue

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12-10-2013, 07:01 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
(12-10-2013 06:03 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  ...
And besides, one day my hydrogen shall meet her hydrogen - and it'll be - explosive. Tongue

H2OC?

Yup.
Definitely unstable.

Consider

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12-10-2013, 07:06 AM
RE: Why am I anti-theist?
oh dear chem jokes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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