Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
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08-10-2015, 02:41 PM
Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
I have a semi-friend, who I've known at uni for a couple of years. At first she just seemed like a normal person apart from having a bit of a mouth always talking loud and trying to be center of attention.

At the end of my first year I realised that she seemed to make up a lot of things, like saying another member of the class had told her he was gay (when he didn't), I walked in once and she was saying something about me but stopped and then wouldn't tell me what she said.

She also uses the same like 4 names for people she knows but seems to get their lives mixed up lol. E.g one week her friend "Dan stayed at mine the other night and we were a little tipsy and i slept with him" only for the next week to tell me the same story but someone called something else.

Other stories like her family always seem to be moving around, in Russia one week then with a travelling circus in Germany the next. One day her sister will be in Germany the next having a fucking curry club with her at Wetherspoons.

A major story that I think is a lie is that she tries claiming she's an escort and the most in demand one in our region (she is NOT in any way good looking). Every time I see her it's like she has to affirm this by telling me a story in detail about a job she's done, she seems to remember TOO MUCH about things for it to have been real. Nobody remembers every single thing about an incident every single time.

When I first met her she told me she'd just finished travelling the world and taught people English in different countries ( she would have been 20 when she told me this) but in another convo a few months later she told someone else she'd been working at a call center in the city where we live during the same time period she was "travelling".

All these were just suspicions until last June. I finished an exam early and left to go home, and I received a message from our mutual friend asking me if I'm okay. I was baffled to find out that the fantasist had told our mutual friend that I'd left early because I couldn't do any of the questions and that she'd come running after me and found me crying (wtf). After confronted her she just stuttered and baffled and backtracked.

The things I've tried listing don't seem too striking but there are so so so many tiny tiny little things that just scream fantasist. There is ALWAYS drama of some extravagant sort going on in her life. She even makes things up about what tutors have told us in lectures when I've actually sat through the same fucking thing. Constantly trying to tell me "facts" that I have to google and send her a link to show her she's totally wrong.

She's admitted that she "used to be" a fantasist (she still IS!!!) and in high school told everyone her dad died of cancer even though he's still alive. And now she's fallen out with our mutual friend and started making things up about her to me even though I talk to them both equally so I know what's true and what's not.

Why the fuck is this person like this? It's like an extreme narcissism or something.. do you think she is aware that almost everything she says is a lie? Is it a desperate plea to create excitement in a life that has had none?

I'm sorry for the pointless babble of a rant but I need to get it off my chest before I explode and I'm not a nasty person so I don't want to do that, but I have a shitty temper. How would you go about this? I've just tried limiting time I'm around her to a minimum.

Saints live in flames; wise men, next to them.
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08-10-2015, 02:58 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
(08-10-2015 02:41 PM)SunnyD1 Wrote:  I have a semi-friend, who I've known at uni for a couple of years. At first she just seemed like a normal person apart from having a bit of a mouth always talking loud and trying to be center of attention.

At the end of my first year I realised that she seemed to make up a lot of things, like saying another member of the class had told her he was gay (when he didn't), I walked in once and she was saying something about me but stopped and then wouldn't tell me what she said.

She also uses the same like 4 names for people she knows but seems to get their lives mixed up lol. E.g one week her friend "Dan stayed at mine the other night and we were a little tipsy and i slept with him" only for the next week to tell me the same story but someone called something else.

Other stories like her family always seem to be moving around, in Russia one week then with a travelling circus in Germany the next. One day her sister will be in Germany the next having a fucking curry club with her at Wetherspoons.

A major story that I think is a lie is that she tries claiming she's an escort and the most in demand one in our region (she is NOT in any way good looking). Every time I see her it's like she has to affirm this by telling me a story in detail about a job she's done, she seems to remember TOO MUCH about things for it to have been real. Nobody remembers every single thing about an incident every single time.

When I first met her she told me she'd just finished travelling the world and taught people English in different countries ( she would have been 20 when she told me this) but in another convo a few months later she told someone else she'd been working at a call center in the city where we live during the same time period she was "travelling".

All these were just suspicions until last June. I finished an exam early and left to go home, and I received a message from our mutual friend asking me if I'm okay. I was baffled to find out that the fantasist had told our mutual friend that I'd left early because I couldn't do any of the questions and that she'd come running after me and found me crying (wtf). After confronted her she just stuttered and baffled and backtracked.

The things I've tried listing don't seem too striking but there are so so so many tiny tiny little things that just scream fantasist. There is ALWAYS drama of some extravagant sort going on in her life. She even makes things up about what tutors have told us in lectures when I've actually sat through the same fucking thing. Constantly trying to tell me "facts" that I have to google and send her a link to show her she's totally wrong.

She's admitted that she "used to be" a fantasist (she still IS!!!) and in high school told everyone her dad died of cancer even though he's still alive. And now she's fallen out with our mutual friend and started making things up about her to me even though I talk to them both equally so I know what's true and what's not.

Why the fuck is this person like this? It's like an extreme narcissism or something.. do you think she is aware that almost everything she says is a lie? Is it a desperate plea to create excitement in a life that has had none?

I'm sorry for the pointless babble of a rant but I need to get it off my chest before I explode and I'm not a nasty person so I don't want to do that, but I have a shitty temper. How would you go about this? I've just tried limiting time I'm around her to a minimum.

It's more common than you think, too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudologia_fantastica

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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08-10-2015, 02:59 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
Probably not what you want to hear, but my initial reaction is to forget everything else and just get the hell out of there. Among other things, what is she telling others about *you*?
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08-10-2015, 03:04 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
(08-10-2015 02:59 PM)jabeady Wrote:  Probably not what you want to hear, but my initial reaction is to forget everything else and just get the hell out of there. Among other things, what is she telling others about *you*?

That is EXACTLY why I feel uncomfortable around her now. Because even ignoring her totally will not prevent her fabricating shit about me. She's realised we don't want to associate with her any more and has started clinging on to a new group of people and I just know she is making all kinds of stuff up about us, and they won't realise she's a fantasist for a long time so they'll have totally misguided opinions about me.

Another story I just remembered is that the first time she met my girlfriend, she tried telling me that my girlfriend told her privately that she's in debt thousands of pounds. I told my partner about this later and we just laughed.. like, she MUST know that she will get caught out ALL of the time, mustn't she? Her lies aren't even well thought out or sneaky. They're so contradictory and just daft.

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08-10-2015, 03:05 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
There's a scientific term for this kind of a person...


Whackadoodle.




...

.......................................

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08-10-2015, 03:06 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
She's clearly got some issues. If her stories are amusing, no harm in hanging around with her sometimes. If you're worried about her lying about you, best to keep away from her. However, it seems that pretty much everyone figures out quickly that she's a compulsive liar, so she may not damage your reputation, no matter what she says.
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08-10-2015, 03:21 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
Opps. I read it as "fanatics". I guess it's not too far off though. She's a fanatic fantasist.

Say that real quick 8 times. Wink

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He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
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08-10-2015, 03:31 PM
RE: Why are fantasists a thing? Do they know they're fantasists?
(08-10-2015 03:21 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Opps. I read it as "fanatics". I guess it's not too far off though. She's a fanatic fantasist.

Say that real quick 8 times. Wink

Easy with my Yorkshire accent, don't have to pronounce the T's!

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