Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
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12-10-2014, 05:08 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:07 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:04 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Do you really think it's me? Do you think it's possible that it could be them?

The only thing they have in common is you, you are the single common denominator. It's either something about your choices or your behavior.

Well my behaviour is nothing but kind. I think it's my choices, which is why I'm considering looking in a different culture. It's not just me that they all have in common. The other thing that they have in common is that they are all western women.
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12-10-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:08 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:07 PM)Dom Wrote:  The only thing they have in common is you, you are the single common denominator. It's either something about your choices or your behavior.

Well my behaviour is nothing but kind. I think it's my choices, which is why I'm considering looking in a different culture. It's not just me that they all have in common. The other thing that they have in common is that they are all western women.

There are a lot more than 12 women in Greater London. Dodgy

You have selected these women and that is important. Whether or not it is you or them may well be not as important as why do you select who you select.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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12-10-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:11 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:08 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Well my behaviour is nothing but kind. I think it's my choices, which is why I'm considering looking in a different culture. It's not just me that they all have in common. The other thing that they have in common is that they are all western women.

There are a lot more than 12 women in Greater London. Dodgy

You have selected these women and that is important. Whether or not it is you or them may well be not as important as why do you select who you select.

With hindsight, it was me being overly optimistic, not having any other options due to being in this country, and I guess being in denial about the patterns that I was seeing.
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12-10-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:08 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:07 PM)Dom Wrote:  The only thing they have in common is you, you are the single common denominator. It's either something about your choices or your behavior.

Well my behaviour is nothing but kind. I think it's my choices, which is why I'm considering looking in a different culture. It's not just me that they all have in common. The other thing that they have in common is that they are all western women.

Well, rest assured that not every relationship in the west is like that. Tongue

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-10-2014, 05:15 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:13 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:11 PM)Chas Wrote:  There are a lot more than 12 women in Greater London. Dodgy

You have selected these women and that is important. Whether or not it is you or them may well be not as important as why do you select who you select.

With hindsight, it was me being overly optimistic, not having any other options due to being in this country, and I guess being in denial about the patterns that I was seeing.

I think you are missing my point. Your sample size is far too small to conclude that it is the culture.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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12-10-2014, 05:18 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:15 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:13 PM)Forbes Wrote:  With hindsight, it was me being overly optimistic, not having any other options due to being in this country, and I guess being in denial about the patterns that I was seeing.

I think you are missing my point. Your sample size is far too small to conclude that it is the culture.

If that was all it was, then yes, that would be true. But since I live here, I have every day exposure to TV and other media, not to mention general observation and every day life. I'm sure we all are aware that culture is a powerful influencer of behaviour, and for those of us who have travelled a bit, it's very obvious that women are different depending on where you go.
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12-10-2014, 06:13 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:47 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 03:40 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  It sounds like you don't really understand social relationships Forbes, in much the same way that someone with Asperger's has trouble understanding the theory of mind. My brother-in-law seems insincere and manipulative and from what I can tell he lacks empathy and does not understand the need that people have for social company.

I'm not suggesting that you yourself are manipulative, my brother-in-law is a special case in that he is a sociopath and that's one way that he adapted to the world. You seem though to see relationships in terms of transactions.

Many people lack certain neural functions that the rest of us take for granted. My father has undiagnosed Aspergers. I once knew someone who was unable form pictures in his mind. I knew someone else who was convinced that love didn't exist because he himself was unable to feel it. I myself am asexual and anorgasmic, many religious zealots lack the ability to think in terms of anything other than absolutes.

One way to determine whether this is the case for you or not is to ask what is the single greatest reason why you want a partner? Are you driven by sexual desire? Do you feel lonely without a companion? Do you think that life would be easier and more productive if you shared your life with another?

I see where you're going but as i'm sure you're aware, when you're not face to face with someone it can be hard to get your point across accurately. So let me clarify.

What has happened is that I've noticed a pattern of behaviour in the women that i've been with, and also in those that I've had dates with.

And clearly they've seen some sort of pattern in your behavior you seem unaware of. How about a therapist ? If you can't see your own patterns, perhaps one can help you see it. You seem to think this is all about "them". That's at least 1/2 the problem, right there.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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12-10-2014, 08:44 PM (This post was last modified: 12-10-2014 08:48 PM by PKJoe.)
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 05:13 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 05:11 PM)Chas Wrote:  There are a lot more than 12 women in Greater London. Dodgy

You have selected these women and that is important. Whether or not it is you or them may well be not as important as why do you select who you select.

With hindsight, it was me being overly optimistic, not having any other options due to being in this country, and I guess being in denial about the patterns that I was seeing.

The problem is you. The sooner you figure that out the better off you will be. If you keep blaming other people you will never fix what ever is not working. When I was in my late teens and early twenties I thought the same as you. As I matured I figured out that I was being too nice and it was off putting. Women didn't respect me and felt they could walk all over me. I changed and looked at a relationship as just a way to have fun. If I wasn't getting the level of fun I wanted, I was out of the relationship. A couple years later and after several fun relationships I met the woman I eventually married.
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12-10-2014, 09:44 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 02:33 PM)Forbes Wrote:  ...
Imagine being asked to do something and you do it, then when you ask them to do something for you, you just get excuses.
...

No need to imagine it... I had 14 years of it.


(12-10-2014 03:52 PM)Forbes Wrote:  ...
But if the person who is supposed to be on your side doesn't give back, it becomes draining, not rewarding.

Draining? I think that 'crushing' is a better word.

(12-10-2014 03:47 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 03:58 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  ...
What has happened is that I've noticed a pattern of behaviour in the women that i've been with, and also in those that I've had dates with.
...
So it might be that you are just going about meeting the right person in the wrong way. It can be difficult. Also all relationships, no matter how good they are, need constant maintenance and you both need to compromise. Or maybe your initial criteria which seem important when selecting a partner aren't actually as important as you imagine them to be.

Well said.

Three ways of looking at this (based on a Dan Dennett idea):
The physical stance ... http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
The design stance ... I'm tempted to quote again from the Supplier Management / Relationship Management text books but I won't. Selection and maintenance pretty much covers it.
The intentional stance ... I have nothing here ... Aspies aren't so good at this.

(12-10-2014 04:48 PM)Forbes Wrote:  ...
From what I've heard, south east Asia seems like a good bet.

Bingo!

(12-10-2014 04:49 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:39 PM)Forbes Wrote:  ... Maybe I should look in another country as somebody suggested earlier.

Well that was me when I was suggesting outside of London.
...

And that was me too, in post #2.

(12-10-2014 04:56 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Ask DLJ. He travels the world. You let him know exactly what you're looking for and I bet he can tell you right where to find her. Hehe

I thought you'd never ask.

(12-10-2014 04:58 PM)Forbes Wrote:  ...
As long as she's not in this country I'm definitely down for that. Does he know anyone in the Philippines? I heard the women there are fantastic. A real contrast.

If by "fantastic" you mean a 1950's mindset is fantastic (as Anj said) then, yes.

Actually, 1750's might me more accurate.

Be careful, though, not to generalise. Culture is the sum of individual behaviours. Individual behaviours are the product of Organisational ethics and Individual ethics.

In the Philippines, Organisational ethics is still very influenced by religion. But that will change as the church's influence fades (the new Reproductive Health laws are a major step towards female emancipation) ... but you have a few decades yet.

I think (in fact, I'm sure) you will find a plethora of young ladies who will fit your selection criteria but be prepared for a whole heap of cultural context that comes with it. For example, your 'duty of care' that comes with 'supplier' management may well extend to caring for an extended family.

This 'transaction' thing cuts both ways.

Drinking Beverage

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13-10-2014, 12:45 AM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
Gasp

Confused,

Rolleyes,

Smile,

snicker,

Laugh out load

Laughat

BAWAHAHA! BAWAHAHA! on into infinity.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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