Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
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12-10-2014, 03:00 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 02:37 PM)pablo Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 02:33 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Well ok but have you thought about what it feels like to serve someone who isn't willing to reciprocate? Imagine being asked to do something and you do it, then when you ask them to do something for you, you just get excuses. And not only that, but they don't ever go out of their way to do something nice without being asked.

Wouldn't you feel like an employee? The point I'm making is that a lot of women make me feel like an employee. Why? Because they're selfish. I'm not treating anyone like an employee. Quite the opposite, and the reverse, in fact.

In that case, don't be a doormat. Doing someone a favor doesn't nesscessarily mean they 'owe you one'.

I may have given the impression that i'm a doormat. Ok let me clarify. All I do is what is reasonable. That's it.

When you have a girlfriend or a wife, or a platonic friend for that matter, there are things that are expected. After all, no one becomes friends or dates or marries just anybody. A friendship or partnership of any kind comes with expectations. I've been fulfilling mine, and within the construct / social agreement, it's understood that it's a two way thing. So in that sense, yes, both parties do owe the other. Otherwise what are you doing together.
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12-10-2014, 03:02 PM (This post was last modified: 12-10-2014 03:06 PM by Forbes.)
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 02:54 PM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 02:33 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Well ok but have you thought about what it feels like to serve someone who isn't willing to reciprocate? Imagine being asked to do something and you do it, then when you ask them to do something for you, you just get excuses. And not only that, but they don't ever go out of their way to do something nice without being asked. Wouldn't you feel like an employee?

The point I'm making is that a lot of women make me feel like an employee. Why? Because they're selfish. I'm not treating anyone like an employee. Quite the opposite, and the reverse, in fact.

They say if you don't like how you feel with another person its in YOU not them.....

Just sayin

I would modify that and say that it's whoever it is, perhaps both parties, in this case I've been a fool for sticking with selfish women, and those women are selfish. I'm ready to change my habits and seek kind women, but like I say there is a shortage of them. Perhaps I've been in denial about that.
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12-10-2014, 03:13 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
So you dated (what was it, 11? 12?, whatever) women that YOU picked using YOUR conscious and subconscious criteria, behaved in a consistent manner and got consistent results.

And from that you conclude exactly what?

I can conclude all kinds of things from that, that all women won't do anything for all men is not one of the conclusions one might reach.

So, tell me, what does this scenario suggest to you?

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-10-2014, 03:20 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:13 PM)Dom Wrote:  So you dated (what was it, 11? 12?, whatever) women that YOU picked using YOUR conscious and subconscious criteria, behaved in a consistent manner and got consistent results.

And from that you conclude exactly what?

I can conclude all kinds of things from that, that all women won't do anything for all men is not one of the conclusions one might reach.

So, tell me, what does this scenario suggest to you?

It's actually been 2 and a half years since my last girlfriend. I've been on approximately 15 dates since that time. Throughout this time, I've tried to avoid the kinds of women that I've been with in the past. That is to say, i've actively and consciously tried to find something better than what I've had in the past. My optimism has been stretched to breaking point. The women that I've had dates with have been just as bad as the ones i've been with. Seriously, it's really bad in the dating scene. A lot of entitlement and one sidedness.
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12-10-2014, 03:25 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_inf...ured_goods

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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12-10-2014, 03:31 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:25 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_inf...ured_goods

Not a bad idea. At least there would be no expectations.
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12-10-2014, 03:40 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:00 PM)Forbes Wrote:  When you have a girlfriend or a wife, or a platonic friend for that matter, there are things that are expected. After all, no one becomes friends or dates or marries just anybody. A friendship or partnership of any kind comes with expectations. I've been fulfilling mine, and within the construct / social agreement, it's understood that it's a two way thing. So in that sense, yes, both parties do owe the other. Otherwise what are you doing together.

It sounds like you don't really understand social relationships Forbes, in much the same way that someone with Asperger's has trouble understanding the theory of mind. My brother-in-law seems insincere and manipulative and from what I can tell he lacks empathy and does not understand the need that people have for social company.

I'm not suggesting that you yourself are manipulative, my brother-in-law is a special case in that he is a sociopath and that's one way that he adapted to the world. You seem though to see relationships in terms of transactions.

Many people lack certain neural functions that the rest of us take for granted. My father has undiagnosed Aspergers. I once knew someone who was unable form pictures in his mind. I knew someone else who was convinced that love didn't exist because he himself was unable to feel it. I myself am asexual and anorgasmic, many religious zealots lack the ability to think in terms of anything other than absolutes.

One way to determine whether this is the case for you or not is to ask what is the single greatest reason why you want a partner? Are you driven by sexual desire? Do you feel lonely without a companion? Do you think that life would be easier and more productive if you shared your life with another?
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12-10-2014, 03:43 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:00 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 02:37 PM)pablo Wrote:  In that case, don't be a doormat. Doing someone a favor doesn't nesscessarily mean they 'owe you one'.

I may have given the impression that i'm a doormat. Ok let me clarify. All I do is what is reasonable. That's it.

When you have a girlfriend or a wife, or a platonic friend for that matter, there are things that are expected. After all, no one becomes friends or dates or marries just anybody. A friendship or partnership of any kind comes with expectations. I've been fulfilling mine, and within the construct / social agreement, it's understood that it's a two way thing. So in that sense, yes, both parties do owe the other. Otherwise what are you doing together.

Hmm...I have a friend. I babysit her kids sometimes. I bought her some food when she was struggling a couple of times. She didn't ask me to do it. I just knew she could use the help and I was in a situation where I was able to offer it. The only thing I expect from her is her friendship and her time(when she has it), and that's all she expects from me. We are in it because we enjoy each other, we laugh together, we cry together, we talk. I don't understand these expectations of favors in a relationship. Perhaps I've been doing it wrong this whole time. I like favors too...

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Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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12-10-2014, 03:47 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:40 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 03:00 PM)Forbes Wrote:  When you have a girlfriend or a wife, or a platonic friend for that matter, there are things that are expected. After all, no one becomes friends or dates or marries just anybody. A friendship or partnership of any kind comes with expectations. I've been fulfilling mine, and within the construct / social agreement, it's understood that it's a two way thing. So in that sense, yes, both parties do owe the other. Otherwise what are you doing together.

It sounds like you don't really understand social relationships Forbes, in much the same way that someone with Asperger's has trouble understanding the theory of mind. My brother-in-law seems insincere and manipulative and from what I can tell he lacks empathy and does not understand the need that people have for social company.

I'm not suggesting that you yourself are manipulative, my brother-in-law is a special case in that he is a sociopath and that's one way that he adapted to the world. You seem though to see relationships in terms of transactions.

Many people lack certain neural functions that the rest of us take for granted. My father has undiagnosed Aspergers. I once knew someone who was unable form pictures in his mind. I knew someone else who was convinced that love didn't exist because he himself was unable to feel it. I myself am asexual and anorgasmic, many religious zealots lack the ability to think in terms of anything other than absolutes.

One way to determine whether this is the case for you or not is to ask what is the single greatest reason why you want a partner? Are you driven by sexual desire? Do you feel lonely without a companion? Do you think that life would be easier and more productive if you shared your life with another?

I see where you're going but as i'm sure you're aware, when you're not face to face with someone it can be hard to get your point across accurately. So let me clarify.

What has happened is that I've noticed a pattern of behaviour in the women that i've been with, and also in those that I've had dates with.
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12-10-2014, 03:47 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 03:43 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Hmm...I have a friend. I babysit her kids sometimes. I bought her some food when she was struggling a couple of times. She didn't ask me to do it. I just knew she could use the help and I was in a situation where I was able to offer it.

And more importantly you wanted to help her out because being a friend you cared about her well being. Giving is it's own reward and all that ...
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