Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
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12-10-2014, 04:09 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:08 PM)PKJoe Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 01:28 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Oh no, that's not what I want at all. All I want is a woman who is normal and reasonable, and reciprocates kindness.

The thing is, people choose their friends based on what they have to offer as friends. For example, I doubt if anyone would choose friends who never offer to help them out, or do all the other things that are considered to be what is expected of a friend.

If someone came to the realisation that their so called friend in fact didn't have the qualities of a friend, they would stop associating with them.

Likewise, the role of boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife has its own criteria. Although it's not quite the same as a platonic friendship, there are similarities, and if someone isn't prepared to do things for the benefit of the other, then they're not a good girlfriend, wife, boyfriend or husband.

I admit, I've foolishly chosen women who are not good girlfriend material, because they aren't prepared to serve the other person even though they're happy to be served, without reciprocating.

But that's not a huge issue just as long as I admit that, and I do. I can change that. But the real major problem is that I can't find anyone who isn't selfish and one sided. I live in London by the way.

Stop treating woman as objects. You may think you are being kind by giving everything, but all your doing is putting them on a pedestal. It is not a healthy way to start a relationship. A relationship is a partnership. If you are not having your needs met than stop being a twat and tell them.

I'm not giving everything. I said before that what I do is just normal, reasonable stuff. I don't put them on a pedastal. My point is that they do next to nothing. yes I do tell them, and when it goes too far and stays that way for a long time I finish with them, like I've had to do several times one after the other due to their selfishness.
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12-10-2014, 04:11 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:09 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:06 PM)Forbes Wrote:  What I mean is, the examples you've given are of people who are doing things all wrong. Whereas in my case, it's the women I've dated who are unreasonable. Perhaps you should consider that maybe there is a big issue with modern women, and by that I mean women in this country and others like it.

Bingo, he wants a 50s woman.

Perhaps 70s or 80s would be better. For some reason something went downhill after that period.
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12-10-2014, 04:28 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:06 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 03:58 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  OK sorry, it was worthwhile considering.

Just understand that the right person is out there and there are actually plenty of people who would qualify as the right person, but something is going wrong for you.

For example I had a flat mate once who always complained that she couldn't find the right bloke. Nothing ever lasted and it always ended in sex. The reason was obvious to everyone else. She used to regularly go to night clubs which were 'meat-markets' and dance until she got chatted up.

I have another friend who has never managed to find a long term partner. She wanted a family but she was always holding out for the ideal man and would never give anyone that fell short the slightest consideration. The reasons for dumping them were ridiculous. For example, the man could never be under 6'2" because she didn't want to feel too tall when she wore high heels. She's a professional photographer and she got into a relationship with another photographer but he was more advanced in his career in hers so she dumped him. Another time she dumped Mr Perfect because after 6 months the magic left the relationship.

So it might be that you are just going about meeting the right person in the wrong way. It can be difficult. Also all relationships, no matter how good they are, need constant maintenance and you both need to compromise. Or maybe your initial criteria which seem important when selecting a partner aren't actually as important as you imagine them to be.

Thanks but has it occurred to you that I'm a normal, pretty cool guy who just likes to be kind to his girlfriends, and who is doing nothing wrong, nor expecting anything unreasonable or unrealistic, and keeps having bad luck due to a shortage of women who are prepared to do something for someone other than themselves?

What I mean is, the examples you've given are of people who are doing things all wrong. Whereas in my case, it's the women I've dated who are unreasonable. Perhaps you should consider that maybe there is a big issue with modern women, and by that I mean women in this country and others like it.

I'm sure we've all seen the articles saying that men are immature, avoid commitment, are selfish in bed, and on it goes. No one bats an eyelid and everyone has a good chuckle. Maybe, in the spirit of equality, we should take a good, honest look at what's really coming from the other side. Instead of looking for every possible angle as to why this must be about me.

Oh lord. And there you went and ruined all my hopes for you. You're right though, modern women in the UK and countries like it are very selfish. All of them. My advice is to first test out being gay. If after 12 boyfriends and 15 dates you still have no luck, become a monk.

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12-10-2014, 04:32 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:28 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Oh lord. And there you went and ruined all my hopes for you. You're right though, modern women in the UK and countries like it are very selfish. All of them. My advice is to first test out being gay. If after 12 boyfriends and 15 dates you still have no luck, become a monk.

I think that's a non-starter - I'm not hearing any fabulous here. No

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12-10-2014, 04:37 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:06 PM)Forbes Wrote:  What I mean is, the examples you've given are of people who are doing things all wrong. Whereas in my case, it's the women I've dated who are unreasonable.

Well in the case of my flatmate who went off trying to find men at night clubs she would say the same thing and not realise that she was looking in the wrong place.

My friend who is a perfectionist doesn't realise that she is doing things all wrong. What she does not appreciate is that what she thinks are show-stopping attributes are actually totally irrelevant.

My point is that something is going wrong for you and neither you or anyone else on here know what it is. It might be something as simple as where you meet new women.
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12-10-2014, 04:37 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:28 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:06 PM)Forbes Wrote:  Thanks but has it occurred to you that I'm a normal, pretty cool guy who just likes to be kind to his girlfriends, and who is doing nothing wrong, nor expecting anything unreasonable or unrealistic, and keeps having bad luck due to a shortage of women who are prepared to do something for someone other than themselves?

What I mean is, the examples you've given are of people who are doing things all wrong. Whereas in my case, it's the women I've dated who are unreasonable. Perhaps you should consider that maybe there is a big issue with modern women, and by that I mean women in this country and others like it.

I'm sure we've all seen the articles saying that men are immature, avoid commitment, are selfish in bed, and on it goes. No one bats an eyelid and everyone has a good chuckle. Maybe, in the spirit of equality, we should take a good, honest look at what's really coming from the other side. Instead of looking for every possible angle as to why this must be about me.

Oh lord. And there you went and ruined all my hopes for you. You're right though, modern women in the UK and countries like it are very selfish. All of them. My advice is to first test out being gay. If after 12 boyfriends and 15 dates you still have no luck, become a monk.

As a matter of fact i'm bisexual. I've dated a few men and I haven't had the problems that I've had with women. I don't know why you're jumping to the conclusion that I believe all women in the Uk are selfish. It sounds to me like you're being defensive. Let me clarify again. The issue is the apparent lack of women here who are not selfish and entitled. I never said there weren't any who aren't. There's only so much "bad luck" one can have before they start to notice a pattern. Contrary to what some people say, we're not all unique individual snowflakes. People follow patterns, and culture is hugely influential in that.
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12-10-2014, 04:38 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:32 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:28 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Oh lord. And there you went and ruined all my hopes for you. You're right though, modern women in the UK and countries like it are very selfish. All of them. My advice is to first test out being gay. If after 12 boyfriends and 15 dates you still have no luck, become a monk.

I think that's a non-starter - I'm not hearing any fabulous here. No

Well I guess OP is screwed then. Or more like...not screwed.

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Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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12-10-2014, 04:39 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:37 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:06 PM)Forbes Wrote:  What I mean is, the examples you've given are of people who are doing things all wrong. Whereas in my case, it's the women I've dated who are unreasonable.

Well in the case of my flatmate who went off trying to find men at night clubs she would say the same thing and not realise that she was looking in the wrong place.

My friend who is a perfectionist doesn't realise that she is doing things all wrong. What she does not appreciate is that what she thinks are show-stopping attributes are actually totally irrelevant.

My point is that something is going wrong for you and neither you or anyone else on here know what it is. It might be something as simple as where you meet new women.

Sounds like your first friend and I share the same problem. I feel like I'm also looking in the wrong place. Maybe I should look in another country as somebody suggested earlier.
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12-10-2014, 04:40 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:37 PM)Forbes Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:28 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Oh lord. And there you went and ruined all my hopes for you. You're right though, modern women in the UK and countries like it are very selfish. All of them. My advice is to first test out being gay. If after 12 boyfriends and 15 dates you still have no luck, become a monk.

As a matter of fact i'm bisexual. I've dated a few men and I haven't had the problems that I've had with women. I don't know why you're jumping to the conclusion that I believe all women in the Uk are selfish. It sounds to me like you're being defensive. Let me clarify again. The issue is the apparent lack of women here who are not selfish and entitled. I never said there weren't any who aren't. There's only so much "bad luck" one can have before they start to notice a pattern. Contrary to what some people say, we're not all unique individual snowflakes. People follow patterns, and culture is hugely influential in that.

Well if you can't find any girls maybe you should stick with the guys?
All I'm saying honestly is that you appear to be the common denominator. So...maybe the pattern is that you suck at finding the right woman....

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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12-10-2014, 04:41 PM
RE: Why can't I find a woman who is willing to serve me?
(12-10-2014 04:38 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(12-10-2014 04:32 PM)Chas Wrote:  I think that's a non-starter - I'm not hearing any fabulous here. No

Well I guess OP is screwed then. Or more like...not screwed.

Funny you should say that. Getting casual sex here is a lot easier than finding someone who can consider the needs of someone other than themselves.
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